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Author Topic: Can a spouse receive treament and meds without the other spouse finding out?  (Read 5684 times)

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Offline crazyladie

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Can medical staff treat someone who is hiv +, and if that person does not want the spouse to find out the status of there hiv, that it will not be disclosed? And how does that work on the insurance end of things?

Offline Snowangel

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I am not sure on the insurance end of things, probably depends on what kind of pay down there is and if they send updates in the mail.
My ex hid it from his fiance(now wife) for a year and a half .  She even found his meds, just the pills not the bottles and asked about them and he just said he wasn't ready to talk about it yet.  When he did finally tell her, he told her it was just recently that he had found out, when in reality it was more like 10 years.

Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline BT65

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Medical staff cannot disclose anything in a person's medical record without the consent of the person in question. 

I don't know about the insurance, sorry.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Condom and Lube Info http://www.aidsmap.com/Condoms/page/1044833/
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Offline emeraldize

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What I am aware of regarding insurance is that the only way to avoid having one's status potentially sucked into a data bank (don't get scared, life goes on) is to pay cash. In order to have your health insurance (if you have health insurance, which I'm assuming you do) billed the doctor/medical service provider must inform them of what is being billed.

Since it appears you are more concerned about keeping your privacy regarding your spouse, I'd ask your medical team and the insurance company how you can keep it confidential. This may cause your medical team to want to speak with you about partner notification, which in my opinion, is as good as outing someone particularly if the relationship has been monogamous for some time.

Perhaps your bills could be sent to a PO box, or friend. Ask about how the services are coded---in other words, is it cryptic and hard to tell what you went for if your spouse should see the Explanation of Benefits form?

I know the answer to your first question is yes because the nurse on my medical team told me of women who were afraid for their physical safety and/or being "kicked out" of their homes if their status were to be revealed. They simply became clever sexually and hid their meds, correspondence and calls.

I did copy a variety of Googled clips that may be of interest to you...

6. Can my doctor tell my sexual partner or spouse my HIV or AIDS status without my permission?
No, but your doctor can tell your partners that they are at risk for getting HIV without giving them your name or telling them your HIV or AIDS status. A doctor can do this only if the doctor has good reason to think you are going to put your partner at risk for HIV by having unsafe sex or sharing needles. Also, your doctor must believe you will not tell that person that you have HIV or AIDS, and the doctor must tell you that this step is being taken. The law does not require your doctor to notify your partners. It only says that your doctor can notify them if he or she wants to. If your doctor asks you for names of persons you have sex or share needles with, you donít have to tell your doctor their names.

7. Can my doctor tell my insurance company that Iím HIV positive or have AIDS?
Generally, your doctor cannot tell your insurance company without your written consent. However, if you are seeing the doctor for treatment of HIV or AIDS, the doctor will need to disclose your HIV or AIDS status to get your insurance to pay for your medical bills. In this case, the only way not to have your HIV or AIDS status revealed to your insurance company is to pay the bills yourself.
If you are seeing a doctor for some other reason besides HIV/AIDS, your doctor should not include your HIV or AIDS status when he or she submits your medical records to the insurance company. Remind your doctor not to include your HIV or AIDS status when he or she submits non-HIV or AIDS related claims.

Once an insurance company knows your HIV or AIDS status, they may share the fact that you have a blood infection with a central data bank called the Medical Information Bureau (MIB). All other insurance companies can access to this data bank.

8. Can my employer find out about my HIV or AIDS diagnosis from my insurance company?
Maybe. Your insurance company cannot tell your employer about your HIV or AIDS status. However, some employers handle insurance claims themselves. These employers require you to file insurance claims with someone at your company. An employer may also get information about insurance claims filed by workers to monitor its health insurance costs. Therefore, it is possible that your employer may learn of your diagnosis.

If your employer does learn of your HIV or AIDS status, your employer has to keep this information confidential. Your insurance claim records have to be kept in a separate file from your personnel records. Your employer cannot tell your co-workers.

2. What is partner notification?
Doctors are required to talk with HIV-infected patients about their options for letting sexual and needle-sharing partners know they may have been exposed to HIV. Doctors should discuss the three options for partner notification. These options are: have the counselor from the Health Department's PartNer Assistance Program (PNAP) or Contact Notification Assistance Program (CNAP in New York City) tell your partners for you without ever revealing your identity; tell your partners with the help of your doctor or a PNAP or CNAP counselor; or tell your partners yourself. If you choose to tell partners yourself, a PNAP/CNAP counselor will work with your doctor to confirm that the partner was told. If PNAP/CNAP cannot confirm this, they may also follow-up with you or your partner.

Offline Miss Philicia

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*deleted because I didn't notice I was in the women's forum :)))
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline anniebc

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  • AM member since 2003
I think you are safe...you got out just in time... ;)

Jan :-*
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline crazyladie

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  • Posts: 2
I am concerned that my husband is HIV+, and that he is receiving treatment and meds without telling me. I have question him many times and he gets angry and denies it, we have been married for 25 years, and were together throughout high school.  In 2001 we applied for more life insurance, and we had our blood drawn, they accepted us for life insurance, but would not cover aids if it is the cause of death. Well I mention it to him at the time and did not think anything about it, because we have been only with each other.

In 2005 he started to have night sweats, leg pain, diarrhea, and had cough for a month straight, I would google his symptoms, and joke with him it sounds like you have HIV, and he would say how in the hell would I get that.

At the same time I would have friends make comments about HIV and a women he worked with, I ask questions, and still Denys it. I forced him to go to the doctor and all blood work came back normal, they  did not test for HIV.

2006 and 2007 still having symptoms, legs going numb, stuttering, and drenching in sweat. I make him go to the doctor again, the doctor wants to have a MRI done to make sure he does not have MS. We go to neurologist and are waiting inside the room before the doctor comes in and he mentions to  another doctor  outside the door that he will need to go back for more schooling in regards to HIV, not having the training for it. My husband in the mean time is about ready to pass out, and turns all nervous.

The doctor comes in and sees that I am in there and ask if I am his wife, and covers his story up about what they were talking about in the hallway, and says they were upgrading there computers.

My husband in the meantime is ready to leave, the doctors says that there is nothing wrong with him.

I also think my two adult children know, there was a time I scratched my leg and did not know it and are dog started licking my leg because it was all bloody, and my daughter had made the comment, dont let him lick he will get HIV. ( I know the dog will not get it )

And another time, the news story about the clinic that infected all the patients in Las Vegas with HIV, and how some of them were going to file a law suit, my husband says to my daughter I should file a law suit, (of coarse they didnt think I was paying attention)

I think my husband is getting meds from the women he worked with, and who I believe he had the affair with, she also is married. I believe he has gone to the doctor, and it has been paid for with cash.

At times I feel like I am crazy, I hate how he gets so angry when I ask questions, his spleen is enlarged right now and has been for about three months.

So do I go get tested, and if it comes back HIV+ will he admit that he is HIV+, or will he blow up and get more angry??

Offline mahalia

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  • Posts: 54
go get tested honey, its ur health here...

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,398
I'm sorry to hear this is what was behind your question. What a long time you've been wrestling with concern and confusion.

I'm with Mahalia 100%---get tested today. Go to your doctor, your health dept., whatever local AIDS service organization near you offers testing. If you work and you've got time on your lunch hour, find out who offers Rapid HIV testing.

Until you know your status, definitively, either abstain from sex or use a condom (which might cause a fuss, so abstaining might be easier?). I think anyone in these forums reading what you've written would have cause to support your concern.

However, regarding the life insurance acceptance, I would be very surprised if they would have insured your husband if positive. I'm not aware of any insurance company insuring a positive person. That is, for many people, the moment of discovery...the blood test results from the insurance company to the family physician. And, given the timing, that seems like it could be a standard clause that covers the insurance company should the insured become HIV positive while holding a policy. 

I hope you're negative and that there is some odd collision of comments, hushed conversations and dramatic symptoms which aren't run of the mill. The freakiest comment is the one your daughter made about the dog licking your cut.

The sooner you go, the sooner you'll know. You can get a Rapid HIV test done which yields results in approximately twenty minutes. If positive, confirming blood tests are run which give you results in two weeks or less.

And one other thing, you wonder what his reaction will be if you were to confront him with positive test results of your own? I am, frankly, more concerned about you and your reaction. If he is positive, he's had years to make the adjustment and has learned to live with a huge lie. If you are negative, he could still be positive. If I had the list you have and turned up with negative results, I would sit down with him and say "Look. Here's the list of items, symptoms and scenarios (with comments re: lawsuit and dog and doctor visit that caused me to be so concerned, I was tested for HIV and althought my results were negative, I want you to be tested, too." 

If he snaps out in anger, have him read the symptoms of HIV and perhaps that will help him understand your concerns. Further, show him this site. You are not alone in your concerns over possible infection.

Best of luck.


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