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Offline Begud

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  • Posts: 4
My son is turning 18 coming December.  Has been living with the virus all his life.  he is currently doing his A levels.  He wished to be a pilot since he was young.  Recently he made enquiries for the training, was told he qualified but would not enrol people who are HIV positive.  Then Opted to do the engineering side (aircraft engineer) the story was the same.  My son is in Africa, he is very upset.  I have been looking after my children on my own as the father passed away 13 years back.  I wanted my children to have the best i can give them in life.  I feel so angry with myself as I feel I have let my son down, by passing this virus on to him.  Can anyone suggest a good course my son can take up that HIV will not restrict his abilities. Im in the UK working day and nite to make ends meet. Please help

Offline Lostgirl

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« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2008, 07:57:42 PM »
Hi Begud

I can understand how upset your son must be at having his career hopes dashed in this way.  Please don't blame yourself - you know you did not pass on the virus through choice and you have already proved your devotion to your children by your hard work and love. 

Now as for joining the Forces.  I am not able to answer your questions about where he goes from here but I guess from what you say about your son being in Africa that his career would have been in that country.  His first option is to talk to a career's adviser that is already in the know about your son being HIV+ and one that your son can trust and talk openly with.  Is there such a person?  What about the person he already talked to about pilot/engineering careers?  Were they unable to point him in the right direction?  If he is interested in engineering, the world is crying out for trained engineers and many Companies are offering traineeships.  There would be absolutely no need for anybody to know your son's status in the public field on engineering.  I understand this would not be his first choice - obviously the Forces are. 

Of course my information is relevant to Britain, where you are at present.  Does your son have the option of joining you in the UK if his field of opportunities were greater there?  Is this feasible for you financially to have him join you there?  There are many, many options still open to him.  Let him know how much you are looking into these for him rather than dwell on having passed on the virus to him and shutting the door on his first choice.

Don't think that only the HIV has prevented him from joining.  I was involved with University RAF cadets many, many years ago and out of 20 of them who all wished to join the RAF professionally, only about two ever made it to pilot positions for many, many other reasons.  Eyesight, height, other health reasons, aptitude - the list of obstacles to be overcome were enormous, so in the end he may not have made the grade for so many reasons.  I can assure you that these guys I knew who had spent their whole high school years, university years, and many many interviews later wishing above all else to become pilots, to have their hopes dashed so late on was far more devastating than finding out from day one.  Your son is young and if his A levels are good (which I am sure they will be) he will have a wonderful field of careers to choose from.  I know you will do everything in your power to help him achieve this and be aware of this.

Wishing you and your son every eventual happiness.


Offline BT65

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« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2008, 08:21:12 PM »

I was wondering the same thing as Lostgirl; would your son be able to pursue his dreams in another country with less restrictive laws? 

Please don't guilt-trip yourself.  I know if you could have it another way you would and so do you.  You can't change the past, only the present.  Please concentrate on that and just keep plugging.

And welcome to the forums.
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Offline shotis

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  • Posts: 31
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2008, 05:41:17 AM »

sorry to hear that sad story, but hopeful and inspiring taking into account your son's aspirations. I live in the uk as well and as that goes i think the best option for your son is to be here in the Uk. This country has given people like us many options that I never thought will ever happen. There are many organisations here that will provide your son with adequate information based on his abilities and his willingness. Least to say that sky is the limit. I dont know whether you have heard about THT they offer advise on anything from personal to returning to work and education. Universities have equal opportunity policy and data protection law and are bound by these laws to offer education unbiased. As you say you are working hard I am sure you can bring your son here as long as you can prove that you can support him. There are many charities that can help you here in uk e.g crusade.. hope this will help...


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