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Author Topic: Haydee Hidee Hodee  (Read 2182 times)

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Offline wow1969

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  • Posts: 208
Haydee Hidee Hodee
« on: August 17, 2008, 11:57:14 PM »

Just wanted to introduce myself to the "Living With" forum. I've been in the "just tested poz" forum but feel it's time to move from there. I've just received my first batch of fun filled numbers and am now "armed" and ready for life ... strangely, getting my first numbers in calmed me down and seems to have provided the necessary and much needed push to get me living again. Basicaly, started running again, eating right again, pursuing dreams again (it's been about six weeks since i found out, guess the shock is lifting).

Ask if you have questions, I'm pretty much an open book.

I do have a question of my own though .... I've told a handful of people about my new virally enhanced life ... of all of them, only one had a reaction that i found troubling. My best friend just shut down and there virtually no contact now. Everyone else has been supportive. I'm sure this has happened to others ... To say the least, it has hurt my feelings. Anyone want to share? How do you "live" with a disease that can drive away those who you love?

Offline lucas clay

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Re: Haydee Hidee Hodee
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2008, 03:59:29 AM »
The lady at the health dept. where i was tested told me.
"Sometimes people you disclose to, you think they will be there for you . but they just cant handle it"
I guess its the stigma attached to this damn "bug". Some have a hard time dealing with it i found out.

Good luck to you, keep us posted


Offline wow1969

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Re: Haydee Hidee Hodee
« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2008, 10:13:26 AM »
thanks ... i guess i don't understand what "they" have to deal with ... i'm the one who has it all i expected was my friendship to continue ....

i have found following this incident that i dont' want to tell anyone ... kinda feel like i'm back in the closet again

Offline bear60

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Re: Haydee Hidee Hodee
« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2008, 11:28:56 AM »
Having watched many people get sick and die from complications associated with HIV, I can tell  you that there is still an element of: "I dont want to watch my best friend get sick and die" out there.  You need to try to reassure them that you are doing well and that you need them to continue to be your friend.  If that doesnt work....then yea.....they have a big ole problem. In that case its easier just to break off the friendship with them rather than stress out over why they cant be around you.
Frankly, I have found that being smothered with sympathy is almost as bothersome as the avoidance reaction. How do you tell someone to just act normal?
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline crickett090401

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Re: Haydee Hidee Hodee
« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2008, 09:16:48 PM »
My older brother shut down completely when i first told him.  We had always been really close, when i was young he practically raised me.  When he shut down i got pissed and we didn't talk for almost 6 months.  We eventually talked about it and like bear said, he was just terrified.  (My brother between us passed away five years ago ... two years b4 i got diagnosed .... and I guess he couldn't deal with the idea that he would loose me too)  So we started talking again but for a long time we absolutely did not talk about HIV.  It is only in the past few months he has started to ask questions and be more open.  It hurts a lot when someone you really care about shuts you out when you need them so much and your right it doesn't seem like they are the ones who have to deal with anything, but your friend  might just be truly scared of something that is even more out of his control than it is yours.
I don't really know what to tell you, just give it some patience and try to reassure him that you aren't a different person and that you will be around for many more years.  Hopefully he will come around and support you.  Don't give up on telling people, most of the people who I have told have been truly wonderful about it.  But bear is right, it is hard to convince anyone to just act normal and the same as they did before you told them.  I have one friend who did exactly that and i thank God everyday for him.  I hope you are able to work things out with your friend good luck!

Offline wow1969

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  • Posts: 208
Re: Haydee Hidee Hodee
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2008, 10:20:57 AM »
thanks so far for the info ... i think that you both hit it on the nail when your brought up just getting people to act normal around you ... lord, the only person who does that is my partner (he's negative) ... everyone has been supportive but they kinda treat me like i'm fragile or something ... seriously, i'm not sure what is worse, having HIV or having people treat you different cause of it ... the personal reality or the social reality


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