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Author Topic: is it just me?  (Read 14308 times)

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Offline AlanBama

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Re: is it just me?
« Reply #50 on: July 28, 2008, 09:45:44 AM »

If an omnipotent but non-omniscient God came down from heaven and said "hey, I've been away for while and I haven't had time to study the situation -- do you think the human race is ready for an HIV cure yet?"  I would tell him no, without hesitation.

I'm guessing here skeptik, but I'd wager that you have never had an HIV-related illness or lost anyone you loved to AIDS, right?

BTW, great post Matt.  I loved it.
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline PeteNYNJ

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Re: is it just me?
« Reply #51 on: July 28, 2008, 05:13:34 PM »
This is an interesting thread but in truth I am bored by the existential aspects of HIV.

I am bored by people obsessing about whether a lipstick is a risk factor, whether their lives are better for cleaning up, whether their lives will even be the same again.

I am bored by people wrapped up in their own angst they can't spot a really ill person (cos some of us are still).

I am bored by sympathy.

I am bored by ambivalence to meds, they work most times dammit.

I am bored by drugs with crap side effects that wouldn't get approval for any other condition.

I am bored by people who can swallow 8 inches but gag on a not so big Truvada.

I am bored by people with real issues getting the least time/voice and them with none/few (like and on the sly bj or a minor, short term rash) getting a hog load.

I am bored by crap pediatric dosing of ARVs.

I am bored at the cult of bareback. I am especially bored, and still angry at negative and untested gay men's stupidity, and preference not to discuss HIV status.

I am well and truly bored by UNGASS, but still angry at detention of HIV educators in Iran and torture of gay men in Egypt.

I am bored by myself. I am lucky but not unusual, I had to shape up, lay off the wine and acknowledge I ain't gonna die so easy and am not really all that sick. I went into spin when my CD4 jumped into normal range because somehow the status of being ill evaporated and it was kick up my my proverbial (arse).

It's just a virus, not a moral judgement, it's not some great karmic scythe.

In my experience straight folk are as sleazy and/or boring in bed a gay folk, the only thing that holds straight folk back is the downward pressure of kids/family, for whom i am thankful to say most show real love and responsibility. Gay folk with kids is no different, there's just less of us.

If HIV gets you a better life good, if it gets you a worse one, bad, if it screws your head, get over it, life is precious and you ain't gonna die easy, most likely. It's just a virus, not a moral judgement.

It's not divine justice, or evolutionary, it's just a fact.

I am also bored by Sartre, who I have deicded was a homophobe ... his big idea on authenticity in Nausea, he just didn't get the working queer class radicalism of camp.

Thank you creator for the world in its complexity.

- matt (mostly bored but a bit angry too) the newt

Now playing: Sailing By, radio 4 endpiece signature tune

Amen, I am so bored by all of it and maybe that is a good thing.  I have accepted my status as just another fact of my life.  It doesn't define me, martyr me, or shame me.  It just is. 

I understand what the original poster is hinting at and give them credit for sharing.  This is an interesting post. 

Testing positive did not make me a better person or a worse person.  It has made me an aware person.  That awareness allows me to be more empathic to the world around me.  I think any time you are faced with your own mortality you have to sit back and reflect.   I had a similar experience years ago before testing positive when I was in a very bad accident. 

Offline pozniceguy

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Re: is it just me?
« Reply #52 on: July 28, 2008, 05:53:24 PM »
Hurray for Matt,  the most explicit and succinct post yet..I have copied it to my "save file...." so I can remind myself occasionally what a shit disease this is...and what kinds of rationalizations  people can make about  having it....

remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline planonstaying

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Re: is it just me?
« Reply #53 on: July 28, 2008, 08:51:06 PM »
I am sure people run around saying they have np with newly diagnosed heart disease ....or they could be numbl. I would be careful with disclosure you cant take that back if u change ur mind.  I am not bored I have itunes and comcast and warcraft...is there more to life?
If someone tells you  potential consequences of a behavior  it  doesn't  mean they jude you or mit    they may just give a shit about you

Offline fearless

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Re: is it just me?
« Reply #54 on: July 29, 2008, 12:01:23 AM »
The dinosaurs are relevant because their decaying bodies made our oil, and the lack of oil is a source of much more freaking out (at least in the developed world) than HIV is.  But some generation is going to have to deal with this freak-out (of peak oil), why not us?

mmm. you don't know much about the genesis of oil either, do you?

"Geologists view crude oil and natural gas as the product of compression and heating of ancient organic materials (i.e. kerogen) over geological time. Formation of petroleum occurs from hydrocarbon pyrolysis, in a variety of mostly endothermic reactions at high temperature and/or pressure.[9] Today's oil formed from the preserved remains of prehistoric zooplankton and algae, which had settled to a sea or lake bottom in large quantities under anoxic conditions (the remains of prehistoric terrestrial plants, on the other hand, tended to form coal). Over geological time the organic matter mixed with mud, and was buried under heavy layers of sediment resulting in high levels of heat and pressure (known as diagenesis). This caused the organic matter to chemically change, first into a waxy material known as kerogen which is found in various oil shales around the world, and then with more heat into liquid and gaseous hydrocarbons in a process known as catagenesis."

« Last Edit: July 29, 2008, 12:03:08 AM by fearless »
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline minismom

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Re: is it just me?
« Reply #55 on: July 29, 2008, 07:14:59 AM »
Matt, my darling, I just have to say (again) thank you.

"Whichever way you throw me, i will stand"
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today...it's already tomorrow in Australia"  Charles Schultz

Offline CraigMKE

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Re: is it just me?
« Reply #56 on: July 31, 2008, 06:19:39 PM »
I don't think you are crazy....

I certainly wouldn't want to become poz if I had a choice.  I laid on my death bed for 3 months, lost 70 lbs, was willing my life away.

Now that I am better, I have however picked up a few new traits that I am proud of.

I volunteer now.....never know when you are going to need someone to volunteer for you...
I donate money to causes near and dear...hmmm...can you guess which one?
I can empathize and sympathize easier now, it used to be all about me.
I think I have an opportunity to appreciate life as I have learned that life itself is very unpredictable.

For all of those things, I am grateful. 

I am not ashamed of who I am or what I have.  I have no problem disclosing. 

Sorry for my upcoming tagent....

I sometimes think about the grandfather paradox.  (Time Travel)

I you were to go back in time and kill your grandfather, you would never exist, therefore you couldn't go back and kill him.....

If I had been with the person that gave me the virus, would I be where am I now? If I were able to go back in time and stop that event, would I be happy today?  Learned the things I have learned?
Be with the same person for 15 years?

Just thoughts that go on in my mind......


Offline jkinatl2

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Re: is it just me?
« Reply #57 on: July 31, 2008, 10:17:32 PM »
To the original poster:

Patience, grasshopper. The Pandora's Box of HIV does not contain creatures that fly. Rather, they sliver, often slowly. But they will come, have no doubt.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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