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Author Topic: One of the strange things about being LTS is...  (Read 5091 times)

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Offline Miss Philicia

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One of the strange things about being LTS is...
« on: June 19, 2008, 10:39:44 AM »
... finding out from a 3rd party that a very good friend of yours was diagnosed with HIV 3 years ago, but they've never told you, but DID tell you that they had non-Hodgkins lymphoma that year.

Frankly I think he's embarrassed to tell me, knowing I'm some ancient fossil who's had the bug already for eons.  Of course, I can't say anything to him if he doesn't think I know -- nor has he told our other mutual friend who was diagnosed a decade ago.

I'm only glad that he's with his (HIV+ diagnosed 5 years ago) Swedish partner in Stockholm and has excellent (free) medical care.

He's an odd guy, super private type, but with a heart of gold and I love him.  Sorry, I just felt like posting about this.  You know, now out of my five closest gay friends three have HIV.  I suppose I should just take solace in the fact that none of them have died.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline bear60

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Re: One of the strange things about being LTS is...
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2008, 10:55:35 AM »
I think that in the face of severe illness OR in the face of medical news that is not good, people often cannot share this news because they are too shocked, too traumatized to be able to express that.  They are in some form of denial and just want it to go away. Who knows what your friend is feeling in regard to his HIV diagnosis.
I am also aware that when faced with serious medical problems, people often exhibit a tendancy to have their worst traits come out in force.  In this case you say: "He's an odd guy, super private type," so what other  traits might he have? 
How odd is he?  Does he have a fear of clipping his finger nails?  ;D
And you are correct: be happy you arent posting in the memorial page.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline BT65

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Re: One of the strange things about being LTS is...
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2008, 01:14:51 PM »
Actually, I don't know what I would do if a really good friend of mine didn't tell me he/she had HIV.  I agree, he might be embarrased, thinking that he should have learned that lesson already.  I think some people might be wary of what our reaction would be (you know, "don't you see what I've been through" etc.).  Not that tha's what your reaction would be of course.  Hopefully in time, he'll get over his fear and tell you. 
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Offline Bucko

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Re: One of the strange things about being LTS is...
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2008, 09:03:48 PM »

You know, now out of my five closest gay friends three have HIV.  I suppose I should just take solace in the fact that none of them have died.

i wish just one of my old buds were still within easy e-mail reach.
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Offline mjmel

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Re: One of the strange things about being LTS is...
« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2008, 10:35:30 AM »

He's an odd guy, super private type, but with a heart of gold

wow. he's just like you on two counts.


Offline fearless

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Re: One of the strange things about being LTS is...
« Reply #5 on: June 24, 2008, 02:48:56 AM »
I don't normally post in here as I'm no LTS but you post caught my attention.
I was diagnosed 4 1/2 years ago and didn't have much of a problem telling all most of my friends. The only one I stressed about telling was a special friend that had been HIV +ve since the late 80's.
I think Betty hit it on the head. It was the embarrassment that I somehow hadn't learnt anything despite being there with him and going through all the shit he was struggling with together.
I shouldn't have worried as he has been the best of friends and so supportive of me since.
I hope your friend comes around and lets you know.
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline AlanBama

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Re: One of the strange things about being LTS is...
« Reply #6 on: June 24, 2008, 10:31:29 PM »
I understand that it is disturbing when a "good friend" withholds medical information (for whatever reason).   I have a long-time friend here in town of over 30 years...he waited until he was over 8 days into radiation therapy to tell me he has prostate cancer.  Why?  I have no idea....he certainly knows all my deep dark ugly stuff.....it makes me wonder is there something about ME that made him not feel free to discuss it?   Maybe not wanting to burden me with more medical worries?  Who knows, you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure them out...

I am blessed to have some long-time friends of 30+ years (and two of mine are also not HIV+).   Sorry to say I lost one old friend last week (who was HIV+) to lung cancer.   Chemo and radiation proved too much for him, unfortunately.

Glad to hear your friend is getting excellent medical care, that puts your mind at ease a bit.

« Last Edit: June 24, 2008, 10:33:13 PM by AlanBama »
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline aztecan

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Re: One of the strange things about being LTS is...
« Reply #7 on: June 25, 2008, 09:15:39 AM »
I've been thinking about this for the past couple of day.

Why would someone be reticent to disclose to a friend, someone they have known for a long time?

As Alan pointed out, people facing other serious maladies also do this, so I don't think it is just HIV related.

Maybe people fear being a burden.

What I was thinking about was why do we become upset we weren't informed?

I think there are many reasons, from wanting to be there for this person to possibly feeling cheated because someone you feel close to and know well for a long period has withheld something of this magnitude from you. You, or I , may feel the relationship may not be as substantial as we may have believed it was.

This raises a lot of questions for which I have no answers. I don't know if anyone does.


"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline weasel

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Re: One of the strange things about being LTS is...
« Reply #8 on: June 26, 2008, 08:38:39 AM »
hullo , all

                I know several  friends  that have never told anyone about their  status !

     When did it become good manners  to  have to know  everything in a friends mind ?

     I believe , if you want to tell , by all means tell !

     But if their is no reason I.E.  not a sex partner  , or working with people  that you may have fluid contact , why tell !

    Not  all  HIV/AIDS  people  NEED  to unload their life storey !

    I on the other hand  like to tell people , I enjoy telling people  I am  about to CROAK  of a terrible  disease !

" Live and let Live "


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