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Author Topic: I was n't here for a while ...  (Read 4875 times)

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Offline panda

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  • Posts: 224
I was n't here for a while ...
« on: June 07, 2008, 09:21:38 AM »
Hi Girls,

I didn't visit this forum for a long time,
I u dont remember , I got pregnent after many fertility treatments but got miss carriege, its been a year since but still unfortunately dont have any good news,,, we are still workingon it but nothing is hppening and I am so frustrated, what the hell is wrong with me ?
Did any of you here girls on this forum managed to get pregnent with fertility treatments? my husband is negative so I am not even asking him to try doing "it" unsafe..
I will turn 34 in Nov. and I am afreid my clock it ticking and if t wont happen now it wont happen ever .. :-[ :'(

Offline Victory101

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Re: I was n't here for a while ...
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2008, 05:34:55 PM »
Hi Panda,
I honestly know how you feel. I had two miscarriages before I had a baby full term. And like you after my second miscarriage, we tried for over a year without any results. I was also 34 at ther time and could feel the clock ticking and felt so much pressure. Unlike you, I was not on fertility treatments and we were trying naturally.  So after a year, I kind of gave up  and made a decision to go and see my gp to find out what was happening. I never did see the gp because I'm quite a procrastinator as well. And lo and behold, I fell pregnant and had my first baby at 35. After this baby I didn't bother with contraception because I thought it would take ages to conceive, I fell when the other baby was 7 months. There is a 14 month age gap between them.  I am now 38 and pregnant with no 3 - another unplanned one. I was on contraceptives but wasn't that good with them . So what I am saying is sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves and  for some reason our bodies just refuse to comply. You have to try and not to worry about it ( a lot easier said than done). And at 34, although you might feel that you are really old, you probably still have a few good years to conceive and have children.  Wishing you all the best.

Offline panda

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Re: I was n't here for a while ...
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2008, 12:26:00 AM »
Thanks a lot , wow , 3rd child ... amazing , I do want to know, is your husband positive as well ? cause if he is nagative then how do u try it naturaly ? sorry for the question... I just think I will never forgive myself If I will infect my dear husband, I need him healthy :-)

Offline Veritee

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    • Post Natal Illness Support
Re: I was n't here for a while ...
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2008, 02:54:59 AM »
Dear Panda

I do not think I have spoken to you before as I am quite new

I am so sorry that you have not had any luck with conception.

But all I can do is agree with Victory, that if no organic reason has been found - you or him - why you can not conceive, do not feel it will never happen. As Victoria said you still have a few years left for it to happen. But unfortunately that it tends to happen more often if you are less stressed about it  - and I also know this is easy to say but harder to do!

I only have one child - and I was not HIV then - but I gave up trying to concieve at around 36 as pregnancy just was not happening.

I did have some scaring of the Fallopian tubes and had some treatment, but nothing that would rule out conception altogether - he was OK, good sperm count etc

So we just could not understand why I never conceived. But at 36 it just had not happened and I was tired of making the possibility of pregnancy a focus in my life, and the associated stress etc when yet again I had a period etc. I started to realise  that life without children was not such a bad thing, and in fact there were many things I could do and wanted to do that I would find easier without children.

Then at about 39 I had a baby!!!!!!! My only daughter, She is now 19 years old!!

Unlike Victoria I did not have any more because unfortunately for me I had severe Post Natal Illness and was too ill to consider another child until I was about 43 so used contraceptives and then reached an early menopause so then could not.

But once I had had the one child, I am sure that had I tried. physically I could have conceived again .

Do you have to have fertility treatments?

If there no reason for this apart from your HIV??

What about having natural sex - with a condom -or mutual, safe, masturbation - collect the seamen, and then use the seamen to inseminate yourself straight away i.e with a large syringe, he could do it for you - as while I have no idea if it is true but it is an 'old wives tail' here in the UK, that you conceive more readily if you are relaxed after sex with your partner- especially after an orgasm or while having one - and even that can be arranged if he comes first!

I have no idea if it works but unless you really need fertility treatments to conceive for anything other than your HIV - ..................then this  sounds a better - well at least more fun way - of trying to have a baby than fertility treatments?  - it must be worth a go!!.

 And I am sure relaxation and enjoying the sex unstressed was key to my conceiving my child at quite a late age - or at the very least it helped!!!

Anyway good luck and I hope you get what you need

Love Veritee
« Last Edit: June 08, 2008, 03:26:40 AM by Veritee »
I have a blog here, please do not judge me on what I say here- I need to offload and this is where I do it: http://hiv-and-us.blogspot.com/

Offline panda

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Re: I was n't here for a while ...
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2008, 07:33:18 AM »
dear veritee, thanks for your reply , neither me or my husband were not found like have any fertility problems, actually, we did try to get pregnent "home made" like u mentioned between day 12 to 18 of the period, when I saw nothing is happening I started to check my ovulation, i checked every month between these days but nothing , no onvulation so this is why I ended up at a fertility clinic, they found that I dont ovulate at the normal date and they gave me al these pills so I will ovulate on a specific time, after few sessions and 1 misscarriege we stopped wth the pills and got to gonal's injection , i one read here at the forum about a product many girls buy for good ovulation , do u know about it ?

Offline Victory101

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  • Posts: 33
Re: I was n't here for a while ...
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2008, 05:23:01 PM »
Hey Panda
I don't mind you asking about him. He is negative and I am positive. When we first found out I was positive and he wasn't, we tried using condoms.  It didn't work for him. He just doesn't like them. We went through a really tough time and nearly broke up. I am not sure we have ever really recovered as a couple since that time. He knows my status and he knows the risks. Fortunately I have been undetectable for a while so that lowers the risk. I also read somewhere that men who get circumcised do not get it that easily so maybe thats whats protected him. I seriously don't know what goes through his mind but my friend and I secretly joke that he and her husband are suicide bombers. They both hate to use condoms even though we are positive. And I don't mind telling you this, if it was the other way round, ie he was positive and me negative, I would never agree to sleep with him without a condom.

I would not feel guilty if I infected him because he knows my status. However, I hope he doesn't get infected but I am not preoccupied with this thought.

When we found out my status and I wanted to get pregnant, we tallked to the HIV clinic about this and they told us how to insemminate and even gave us the equipment. We took it home and looked at it and thought it was too unnatural. I actaally felt depresed at the idea. He didn't like it either so we decided to try the natural way and thats how we conceived. I guess its a lot easier to conceive if you are doing it this way as you don't have to check when you are ovulating.....But its different in your case. As you say there appears nothing wrong with you except not knowing when you ovulate, don't worry you will have a baby, who knows even babies.


Offline panda

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Re: I was n't here for a while ...
« Reply #6 on: June 09, 2008, 07:48:00 AM »
Dear Victory , thanks , wow... I wonder, I am from Israel , me and my husband are both jews so my husband is circumcised also, I am undetactable for many years as well but... I dont know , its a risk, I mean what if he will get infected?i will never forget myself... besides, I need him healthy:-)
I dont know.. even I did manage to get pregnent once.. still, why is it so hard? I can not avoid the thought its got something to do with the hiv...

Do u know about a product that helps to have better ovulation? I read here somewhere in the forum about it.

Offline Victory101

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  • Posts: 33
Re: I was n't here for a while ...
« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2008, 05:56:11 PM »
Hi Panda

I totally understand about you not wanting to take that risk. I have no idea what is out there to help ovulation. Perhaps if you don't get joy here, you could try another website for pregnancy - there are loads out there. Sometimes you find forums and they refer to them as TTC (trying to conceive). Someone might know? The main thing is try not to panic about having babies. I was pretty desperate as well so totally know where you are coming from. Wish you all the best


Offline catwoman

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Re: I was n't here for a while ...
« Reply #8 on: June 09, 2008, 10:40:14 PM »
Victory, my husband is a suicide bomber too.  :D  We're expecting our first next month and I'm 34 also.

Panda, I wish you luck.  I totally feel your concerns because it took us awhile to get pregnant but when we stopped trying so hard was when it happened.  There was a study done in Spain in 2006, I think, about mixed status couples and there was no or minimal transmission when the woman was undetectable and the man was negative and they conceived.  Doctors will never say do it naturally in that situation to cover themselves, but my doctor pointed out the risks and then also said that was an option.  He knew about the study also.


  • Guest
Re: I was n't here for a while ...
« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2008, 08:23:52 AM »
i wish u the best of luck Panda.  i know its difficult to "stop trying so hard" coz its such a process for you guys, unlike negative couples where they can just go at it at the drop of a hat. i'd also be too terrified of infecting someone. fingers crossed for you..

Offline panda

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Re: I was n't here for a while ...
« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2008, 11:40:30 AM »
thanks , I am so desparate these days  :'( everything doesn't work the way I want, my skin looks so bad cause of the hormones and this whole procedure bring so much tention for our relations, don't know what to do anymore, what if it wont happen? what if i wont be able to get pregnent ? i was thinking, i dont have the courage to do un protected sex with my husband but what if we'll do a hole in the condom a small one only for the spearm... what do u think? is its still dangerous or am i loosing my mind? ???

Offline BT65

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Re: I was n't here for a while ...
« Reply #11 on: June 15, 2008, 06:45:09 PM »
Panda, I'm not a good one to answer that question, since my daughter is 24.  However, since your vl is undetectable, I would say that's an extremely small risk (probably even nonexistent). 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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