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Author Topic: Desperate after unprotected sex with asian pro. Please help!!  (Read 5015 times)

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Offline daxelk

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Hi all,  I was here 3+ years ago and I promised myself I would not be back, but unfortunately here I am.   I see many of the people who were of such great help to me last time are happily still here and doing well, so I hope you will be willing to help me one last time (hopefully!)… Unfortunately, the incident this time is worse than the one that nearly caused me to lose my mind last time.  Last time, I had a broken condom to completion for 1-2 minutes with a pro, the first time that had happened. I was not too worried immediately, but when I got “the worst flu of my life” 25 days after exposure, I convinced myself 100% it was ARV and until I got the 13 week negative test, I could barely sleep, eat or do much of anything. It is amazing what your mind can do to you!  For other people in this situation, I should also warn that I was very stupid, in that with all the stress, I could not get an erection at all for those 10 weeks, but I was completely alone, and the only thing that temporarily got my mind off it was masturbation, and the only way I could masturbate to orgasm with a limp dick was to use a powerful vibrator for like 10 minutes , maybe 2 times a day,,, I didn’t notice anything at all until after the 13 week test, but it ended up causing a lot of penile damage I think, as my penis was originally very straight and very sensitive and I could have sex  for long periods of time (hours), but also ejaculate basically on command, but afterward it was bent downward like a banana like 45 degrees and the nerves were very desentised, and so afterwards I could not stay erect usually for more than 10 minutes, and it was often hard or impossible to ejaculate even with massive stimulation.  Both these problems have luckily improved somewhat since then, with the curve now maybe 20 degrees, and the sensitivity a little better, but please everybody, learn from my mistake and don’t overuse vibrators…This relates to my current situation somewhat,  The incident was 2 weeks ago.  I am working in Asia.  I went to a club to see a girl I had seen a couple times before,  We danced awhile and had a bunch of drinks and then went back to my place.  She kind of “threw” me on the bed and started giving me a handjob/blowjob, I closed my eyes and before I knew it she had slipped my unprotected penis inside her and was grinding like crazy.  Obviously I should have gotten her off me, but since my penile injury, it does feel much much better without a condom (although I have only done that before with “ normal” girlfriends who were  hiv-tested), so in my state, I figured rather than trying to get her off me, I would just come as quick as possible as she obviously wanted me to…    Before my penile injury, with her grinding like that I probably could have cum in 90 seconds, but it is harder for me now, especially in that position, so I think it took a long time, maybe 6-8 minutes of hard energetic  grinding  … Afterwards, she went to the bathroom and threw up a bunch and then I helped her back to the bed and she passed out.. (She obviously in retrospect  knew she was nauseus and ready  to pass out when we came home, so she wanted to have sex as quick as possible to make sure she “did her job” before she passed out)… I noticed during the night and the next day that she was running to pee all the time… I asked her whether she had stds and she said not that she knew of, she said she had gonorrhea 4 years ago and had to be hospitalized to be cured, she said she was last tested for all std’s, hiv etc in November, which is obviously a long time for a pro in a place where maybe at least 10-20% of the pros are hiv-positive I think… Anyway, again, I was not too worried immediately, but 2 days later my penis felt really sore and “tingly” and I started having to pee like every 30 minutes and felt a strong burning sensation when peeing, which was the first time this had happened to me.  After a couple days of this,  I figured it was a bacterial STD, so I started a course of doxycycline twice daily for 7 days  and also ciprofloxacin once daily for 5 days … This seemed to clear everything up except the penis still feels sore and “tingly” … This also worries me because the one time I felt a similar feeling was 4 years ago, when a very rough blowjob gave me a similar feeling for a week and then I got a herpes sore which lasted 6 weeks, and came back again for 2 weeks 2 years ago and has not come back since.  If herpes virus caused that last sore, tingly feeling, maybe HIV virus could cause this sore tingly feeling?!  Anyway, I am trying to keep optimistic, especially based on last time… I know intellectually maybe the risk is not super high, but emotionally again I feel like I have hiv and again have a lot of trouble getting any sleep, concentrating, etc (Even if the risk is 1%, I would not play Russian roulette for even $1 million with a 100 barrel gun, and that’s what I feel I’ve stupidly done at least)… My risk seems a lot higher than last time considering the long, hard, unprotected sex with a girl from a place with a high hiv rate, the fact that I did get at least one std from her, and I also hear that having had herpes before increases your risk a lot even without an active sore, right??  Please any advice is greatly appreciated… What honestly do you think my risk level is?  Was my treatment ok with the antibiotics? Should I take more? If I want to have some peace of mind sooner, when would the elisa test be more than 95% accurate (I heard 4 weeks? – I can get to a test site then…) Anyone have any advice about improving my penile injury and sensitivity? Anyway, trying to stay optimistic… All my love to all you kind souls out there… Thanks again for any and all advice!  Peace…

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Desperate after unprotected sex with asian pro. Please help!!
« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2008, 06:10:35 PM »
If you've injured your penis, you need to consult a doctor. We cannot assist you with that.

Since you've had unprotected vaginal sex you need to have an HIV test 13 weeks from the date of that encounter. The risk of you having been infected is low, but since "low risk" is not the same as "no risk" and so you do need to test.

Since it's been three years or more since you were with us, I suggest you read our Welcome Thread and check out our Lessons on HIV testing and transmission. Also take the time to read our posting guidelines. Things have changed since you were last here.

Finally, please consider using paragraphs to layout your posts. Your post was very difficult to read.


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Desperate after unprotected sex with asian pro. Please help!!
« Reply #2 on: May 25, 2008, 07:43:13 PM »
HIV is a fragile virus and not easily transmitted. It is significantly harder to accomplish from female to male. Given this was a single incident the likelihood of transmission is low as Matty has indicated. And yes, you do need to get tested at 13 weeks.

Something else you said is of concern. Specifically that because you are uncomfortable using condoms, you are having unprotected intercourse with "normal girls who are HIV-tested." Frankly, that sounds like self-deceptive whooey to me. You need to have a conversation with your doctor about this and find a way to have protected intercourse. It is never safe to have unprotected intercourse unless both partners have tested negative at a reliable point together and are in a securely monogamous relationship.

As far as the current concern, none of your symptoms are HIV specific and I think you are  ultimately likely to test negative.

Andy Velez

Offline daxelk

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Re: Desperate after unprotected sex with asian pro. Please help!!
« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2008, 10:45:09 PM »
Thanks for your advice Andy!  Just to clarify, I didn't mean that I was having unprotected sex with  a bunch of "normal" girls at the same time while telling each of them I was monagamous!. I meant just what you said, that I have been in relationships where we went together to get hiv--tested and then decided to have unprotected sex in the context of a monagamous relationship.  I understand that this is not a guarantee in that you dont know if someones cheating, but thats true of every single couple in the world anyway... It is true that for many long periods of my adult life, I have not been in any relationship, and these are the periods when I have resorted to the use of sex workers in countries and cities where it is legal as I travel alot anyway.  I understand, certainly, that this is not the ideal or safest situation, and if I manage to  "skate" through my current situation, I certainly need to be alot more careful in the future.  I have one more important question for you: At the 33 day mark after exposure, I was supposed to go with friends on a 3-week remote trekking trip, and if I came down with severe ARS during this time, I might be in big trouble indeed.  What would your advice be? I'm ambivalent about the whole thing at this point. I dont want to cancel on my friends if its a miniscule risk, but I don't want to go if there is a real chance I will have to face ARS on the trip.  Given what you said below on another page, would it be alrright if I take an elisa at day 30 to get a result and hopefully feel better about my final decision, even realizing that the test will be far from conclusive?? Or should I try to see if I can take one of those combined DNA/Elisa tests if I can find it?? Please reply ASAP.. Thanks so much!!

"22 days is the average time to seroconversion. All but the smallest number will seroconvert within 4-6 weeks after a genuine risk"

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Desperate after unprotected sex with asian pro. Please help!!
« Reply #4 on: May 26, 2008, 02:11:41 AM »
There is nothing that says one will have ARS if indeed they are infected. HIV has no specific symptoms. Go on your trip. You would do the same if you sprained an ankle on the trip, you would cut your trip short and return home.

Offline Ann

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Re: Desperate after unprotected sex with asian pro. Please help!!
« Reply #5 on: May 26, 2008, 06:13:30 AM »

There is no such thing as a combined DNA PCR and ELISA test. You must be thinking of the p24/ELISA. The p24 portion of the test is only useful in the first couple weeks after infection has taken place. (have you read the Welcome Thread and the Testing and Transmission lesson links found there?)

The DNA PCR test is NOT approved for diagnostic purposes because it has a high rate of false positives - so no, I do not recommend you take this test.

It's highly unlikely that you will end up positive as a result of this one encounter. As Rod says, even if you do, there's no guarantee you will be sick - many people aren't.

Go on your trip and enjoy yourself. You can test for reassurance before you go - I'm fully expecting you to test negative. Make sure you confirm your result after your trip, at the three month point.

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline daxelk

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Re: Desperate after unprotected sex with asian pro. Please help!!
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2008, 09:33:42 AM »
Hey Ann, Thanks for all the advice! It is very useful!  I will skip the DNA test then...Few more questions? Have there been alot (or any?) instances on this board of males contracting hiv from a single episode of vaginal sex??  Sometimes you hear statistics like 1 in 1000 or 1 in 10000 , which makes it perhaps too easy to get complacent, but then I saw someone I think on THEBODY.COM talking about how if the episode of vaginal sex is with someone who is recently infected with a high viral load (as is not that unlikely in this case with pros of course), she has other active stds (check, she gave me at least some bacterial infection), you have asymptomic herpes infection (check), and are uncircumcized (check), the odds would be more like 50/50 or at least one-third to acquire hiv in that encounter, and when you put it that way, I feel sure I am positive, and  I just feel like the stupidest person who ever lived to have done this... Ok, I will let you guys know how it goes... Let me put on record, and hopefully my brain, even if its alcohol-imapaired at the time, will remember this from now on, if i make it through this nightmare negative (and for sure I guess even more so if positive), I solemnly swear that there will be no more unprotected sex under any ciircumstances (outside of a monogamous committed relationship)... No amount of pleasure possible is worth this... Thanks again everyone! Wish me luck!  --Dax

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Desperate after unprotected sex with asian pro. Please help!!
« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2008, 09:53:57 AM »
All of the details you're driving yourself crazy with in trying to pin down an answer is not the way to go. Only the test will give you the answer and all the rest is just going to stoke your anxiety without helping. In my experience a guy becoming infected from a one time unprotected insertive vaginal situation has been nil here in the Forum. So that should be some consolation to you.

What you need to do during the waiting period is get busy with other things in your life. The waiting time will pass more easily than you imagine possible. Ultimately I expect you to come out of this ok. But as you have indicated, you do need to learn from this experience. Heavy drinking and casual sex is a very, very dangerous combination. Have all the sex you like regardless of partner status.Just do it the safer way and always, ALWAYS wear a condom. No exceptions.

Now, get busy with other things.   
Andy Velez

Offline daxelk

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Re: Desperate after unprotected sex with asian pro. Please help!!
« Reply #8 on: May 26, 2008, 10:20:02 AM »
Hey Andy,  Thanks so much for all that really great and useful advice! I'll do my best to follow it.. Yeah. I really wish I could just takea pill that would convince myself everything will be OK and allow me to live my life normally.. The biggest problem is inability to sleep much at all, so then I'm a zombie all day anyway... Ive never taken sleeping pills at all, but maybe i should see if I can get Ambien or something? or maybe valium to calm down? -- never taken that either..  Ok, thanks again... I'll let you know how things go.. --dax


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