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Author Topic: he is poz I am neg.  (Read 7156 times)

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Offline vasky

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  • Posts: 21
he is poz I am neg.
« on: April 13, 2008, 09:02:56 PM »
Hi everyone, a few weeks ago I met a great guy. It seems like this relationship has future. Last night he told me he is positive. I am trying to understand more about HIV and the lifestyle we can have together. Could you please guide me in this quest for knowledge and staying with him?


Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: he is poz I am neg.
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2008, 10:33:11 PM »
Hi Vasky~

If you scroll to the top of the page, just under where it says "AIDS Meds.com" in the upper left, you'll see a bunch of tiny links.  They are written in small, black font.  Click on "Lessons" to get started.  There is a ton of info in there, and I am still discovering new things.  I have been poz 14 years.  If you have any specific questions, post them again in this thread, and I am sure one of the Moderators will be happy to answer directly.

I can't imagine how scary it must be, being the neg one here, as I have always been the pos one, the one with the info.  Dating was never easy for me, but I have been with a neg guy for five months now, I told him my status early on.   We are very happy and we are careful, but otherwise lead a normal, healthy relationship together.

Best of luck to you.  :)

~ Cindy

HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline vasky

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  • Posts: 21
Re: he is poz I am neg.
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2008, 06:39:07 AM »
Dear Cindy,
Thank you very much, I started reading the lessons already. I have a lot of growing up to do and learning ahead of me, I feel and think it is through information and good communication with my partner that I will get there. And yes, I am scared....trying to sort everything out. My partner is guiding me a lot through this process.

take care,

Offline structuredjen

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  • Posts: 71
Re: he is poz I am neg.
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2008, 09:39:25 AM »
I feel and think it is through information and good communication with my partner that I will get there. And yes, I am scared....trying to sort everything out. My partner is guiding me a lot through this process.

Hi vasky!

Welcome!  Well you've found the best place on earth for good information on HIV.  I too am the negative one in a serodiscordant relationship.  I'm pretty new at this myself... he was diagnosed on August 2nd.

Sounds like you've already got a great start!  Open communication with your partner is so important! 

It definitely is scary isn't it?  I was terrified back in August.  Since then, I've educated myself on HIV, what it means today, available treatments, prevention, etc.  And I'll have to use that old cliche... knowleadge is power!  Through the research I've done, the open communication between my bf and myself, and of course with the support of so many people here who know exactly how it feels, I have to say my attitude has changed so much.  That fear is now a much smaller percentage than it used to be.  There are still days I'm scared, but I seem to find a way to get through it, often with a good talk with my bf, and the help of this forum. 

You'll find great people here... people in your shoes, people in your boyfriend's shoes.  Stick around.  Don't hesitate to post questions you might have. 

I look forward to hearing more from you!

I wish you the best of luck!

Offline vasky

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  • Posts: 21
Re: he is poz I am neg.
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2008, 06:44:43 AM »
Hi Jen,
Thanks for your comments, it is good to know and feel that all of you are out there and understand and know a lot and are willing to assist us in this process.

My BF told me the other day that I should share with my family that I am in a relationship with an HIV positive person, he said that they have the right to such information. I would like for my family and friends to know him well before, to understand why I love him before I share such sensitive information. I don't want them to see him just as the HIV + boyfriend, but as the fantastic person he is. I also want to be more knowledgeable before telling my family, because then I can help them understand.

I have been reading and trying to understand a little about his treatment as well and will go with him to his doctors appointment on May 2nd. I feel that will help me a lot in grasping it better.

It makes me feel so good to be able to communicate and to read in the forum.

Thank you very much,

Offline structuredjen

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  • Posts: 71
Re: he is poz I am neg.
« Reply #5 on: April 16, 2008, 10:14:47 AM »
Hey there Vasky -

I think it's great that your partner is so open and at ease with his status even to the point of encouraging you to tell your family.  That speaks millions about him.

That being said, I agree with your reasoning for wanting to wait.  Telling your family is definitely a big deal.  Once you tell, you can't untell.  I know for me personally, if I told my family, they would encourage me to leave the relationship based on their stigmatized and outdated idea of what HIV means.  Although I know my family is loving, and in the end will accept whatever choices I make (I hope), I also know that telling them right now would change their opinion of my boyfriend.  I don't think I'm ready to educate my parents, siblings, and nephews on the ins and outs of what HIV means today, how it really is and isn't transmitted, etc.  That will be a huge undertaking, and I'm just not ready to cross that bridge yet.

I will admit though that by not disclosing, it does create a feeling of secrecy I don't enjoy.  I feel at times I'm shading the truth about things such as why my boyfriend has "bad days" for no apparant reason, why I ask if anyone is sick before we venture out to family gatherings etc.

Even with that stress, I still feel it isn't the time for me to disclose.  Will I ever?  I can't really answer that right now, but I'm okay with that.

I hope your able to have a conversation with your bf to express your feelings.  I'm making the assumption that like me, you're hesitant to tell your family because they don't know him that well yet, and that they'll automatically try to protect you based on their assumptions of HIV, and that it has nothing to do with you being ashamed of him.  Make sure he knows that. :) 

Only you will know when/if it's right to disclose to your family.  I hope that you are able to, because I'm sure it's a huge relief to be open about it with the people you love.  There's no need to rush into such a big decision, so take your time and put thought into it, and talk it over with your partner. 

Take care-

Offline germangirl

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  • Posts: 67
Re: he is poz I am neg.
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2008, 01:51:37 PM »
I agree with Jen.
I wouldn`t tell my family about it so fast.
They will only see your risk and advice you to leave him. Give them time to ge to know him.

Even in my family my mother is the only one who knows it.

I think this is something personal between you and him it doesn't affect your family, they are in no risk if they don't know it.
Eres el aire que respiro,
Eres el compania de mi soledad,
Eres el luz que me ilumina,
Eres el camino en la oseuidad.
Dedicated to my husband

My husband is positive, I am negative.

Offline vasky

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: he is poz I am neg.
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2008, 07:05:43 AM »
Dear Jen and germangirl,
Thank you very much for your comments on my post. It is amazing how much comfort and understanding I have found in this site. Both by people like you replying to my questions and being open and supportive as by all the information available throughout the site.

At this point in time I have a better understanding of what HIV is and how it affects my boyfriend's life. I am growing and learning on a daily basis; and the more I learn the better I feel about my decision of being with him.

He has a doctor's appointment on the 6Th of may, I am going with him.

I will keep on educating myself and asking you for support.




  • Guest
Re: he is poz I am neg.
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2008, 04:39:54 AM »
i wish u all the best Patty


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