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Author Topic: A note from a former client  (Read 3044 times)

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Offline yourfairygodmother

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A note from a former client
« on: July 17, 2006, 11:22:54 PM »
Hello everyone.  I haven't been at this site for over a year.  It's not that I don't like the site.. I just couldn't visit the site for my own sanity.  First of all.. I can't believe the dedication of certain individuals on this site.. You guys do this every day spreading the same basic message.  I just have to say that your efforts are worth it because you really do change peopleís lives.  You certainly changed mine.  I'm completely recovered from my mental condition and I largely have this site to thank for it.  You guys were there when I had no one to turn to.

My history:
I had sex with a prostitute in Brazil immediately before my wedding day.  I knew about as much about HIV as the average person knows (not nearly enough).  I was a selfish person who loved my bride to be but was also interested in getting what I wanted.  This is an important fact.  After I had sex with the prostitute, I had a strange blister in my mouth (4 days after).  7 days after, I had extreme diariah for 3 days.  2 weeks later, I noticed strange pimples on my arm.  This is when I went on my rapid descent into insanity.  I started reading about HIV.  I started obsessing about HIV.  I essentially drove myself to the brink of suicide.  It is important to note that I never had problems with depression or suicidal tendencies before this point.  I ended up confessing to my wife.  In the end, she forgave me (most partners would not do this).  It took me over a year, but I am now fully recovered.

I have given you many details.  There were numerous tests that I did not mention.  But here's the most important fact.  I used a condom.  Essentially, my entire experience was a delusion manifested by my guilt.  Guilt is a powerful thing.  When your horny and that other person is looking really good.. guilt never enters the picture.  Guilt comes a day, a week, a month later.. and then it hits you like a freight train.  You instinctive look for a punishment.  HIV is a perfect fit.  It's a horrible virus that is transmitted via sex.  You begin to rationalize (and I used this word lighty) why you have HIV.  You take something that has a 0.0001% chance of occurring and begin running your life by that.

I've got news for you.. unless you've had unprotected sextual intercourse, shared a needle, or eaten cum soon after having bleeding gums, you shouldn't even be thinking about HIV.  And even if you fit into this category.. there is still a good chance you don't have HIV.  So instead of assuming you have HIV.. try assuming you don't have HIV.. the same way you assume you will not win the lottery.  If your mind tells you to believe you have HIV.. just say to yourself "I'm having crazy thoughts.. my though patterns are dysfunctional.. I need to listen to reason."  In many cases, you will are simply reacting to guilt.  You donít feel comfortable with what youíve done.  Next time.. only do what YOU feel is right.  And donít worry what other people think.

And here's something else to consider.. HIV has killed alot of good people.  It doesn't care how "morale" you are.  I used quotes for a reason.. morality is a personal choice.  It just cares how youíve exposed yourself to allow it to transmit itself into your body.  We know how it getís transmitted.  We have years of experience.  Itís not so easy to transmit.  It needs ideal conditions that most sexual encounters do not provide.  And of course.. donít share a needle..  HIV is just one of your worries there.  If your going to get high.. do it right.. you owe it to yourself.

Further to this.. even you have HIV.. you don't need to dispare.. hope is on the horizen.. we will beat this disease.  It's a cunning piece of shit.. but we're smarter.  Brillient people are very interested in beating this disease.  They see it as the ultimate challenge.  They want to save lives.  They are winners and will win again.  So why worry?  Life is good.  Enjoy every day.  There are many more ways than HIV to die.  Live your life to fullest.. worrying does nothing.

Offline yourfairygodmother

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  • Posts: 2
Re: A note from a former client
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2006, 11:30:40 PM »
Sorry.. one thing to add... If you think you might have HIV, get tested after 13 weeks.. but don't think about it. You should be tested yearly anyways.  Think of it as a checkup.  Getting tested doesn't mean your accepting that you have HIV.  It just means your doing whats right to stop the spread of HIV.  Everyone should get tested regulariy.


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