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Author Topic: Year 15 and remembering...  (Read 4063 times)

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Offline Texan38

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Year 15 and remembering...
« on: March 04, 2008, 01:38:54 PM »
This month marks my 15 year anniversary...I tested positive while I was in my first relationship - first love, first lover. I thought I was in a monogomous relationship. I felt so dirty, I didn't want him touching me. Then telling my mom - she's a single parent and I'm her only child, it was heartbreaking just heartbreaking having my mom crying in my arms.  I honestly thought I was going to die within the year. To me, at that moment, HIV was AIDS. Then came the anger and resentment of being betrayed by my boyfriend. He has shattered my trust and my heart. We didn't stay together too long after that, I just couldn't believe anything he would say. I felt alone and scared. Several months later my mom called at work stating that my cousin had been shot and her boyfriend had shot himself. It was a murder/suicide. My cousin and I were close, we were the same age and it was actually her ex boyfriend who wouldn't leave her alone. She had asked me the day before how I had told my mom about me being gay because she had started dating a girl and wanted to tell her parents.  It was too much for me. It had gotten to a point where I was so tired of being sad and crying all the time. I was tired of hurting so one night I drank a 12 pack of beer and downed some sleeping pills. I woke up the next morning and threw up. I called a friend who helped me get into therapy - anti depressants didn't work for me, they made me feel shaky all the time....and 15 years later - HERE I AM!  Sorry for rambling, memories got the best of me!
In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Year 15 and remembering...
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2008, 02:34:10 PM »
 Hey Texan...so happy you're around here to tell that story. I'm a longtimer myself, just had my 25th year of bliss myself.
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Offline bear60

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Re: Year 15 and remembering...
« Reply #2 on: March 04, 2008, 03:08:56 PM »
Its a good thing the hurt goes away after a while.  Otherwise we would all be hurting all the time.  I'm glad you are ok now.
And its good to see you back here.
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Offline anniebc

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Re: Year 15 and remembering...
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2008, 03:14:00 PM »
Hi Texan

I'm not supposed to be in here so I'm using my Moderator powers to sneak in.. ;).

It takes strength and will power to get through the initial stages of an HIV diagnosis, let alone 15 years..and you my friend have both, you got through  that and more...you have survived to tell your story, thank you for sharing.

Ok I'm out of here before anyone catches me.. :D

Jan :-*
« Last Edit: March 05, 2008, 03:26:40 AM by anniebc »
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Year 15 and remembering...
« Reply #4 on: March 04, 2008, 07:54:41 PM »
YEA!  15 years is a big deal!  Congratulations, and as I always tell everyone, "Celebrate the milestones".   Glad you are still with us, and here's to the next 15 years --

"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline aztecan

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  • 32 years positive, 60 years a pain in the butt
Re: Year 15 and remembering...
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2008, 12:02:49 AM »
Hey Texan,

Welcome aboard the long timers train!   ;D

Alan is right, 15 years is a big deal. I'm glad you made it and have joined in with the rest of us.

A toast to another 15 years!



(PS - give your Mom a hug for me too. She sounds like quite a lady.)
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline BT65

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Re: Year 15 and remembering...
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2008, 06:58:43 AM »
Hey Texan, as Joel (bear60) said, thank goodness time does heal some wounds, albeit slowly sometimes.

Glad you're here with us, sweetie. :-*
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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Offline Texan38

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Re: Year 15 and remembering...
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2008, 09:49:31 AM »
You guys are so sweet, cheers to all of you!  :-*  And Mark, I most definately will give my mom a hug. She actually likes going to some of the gay bars with me and I even took her to a foam party once - she had a blast!  She's like a tamer version of the mom from Queer As Folk, can't beat that!
In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall


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