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Author Topic: SHALLOW GIRL  (Read 7283 times)

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  • New Member
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« on: January 31, 2008, 03:35:22 PM »

Hi Everyone,
I am glad that I found this. I recently met someone who is HIV positive and I am negative. I said I would never fall in love again after a bad break up of 7 years. I am still worried about how others will see me. I know it is sad, but I didn't think my feelings would develop so fast. It has been about 1 year and we have had safe sex. But I am scared because I fear getting infected so I ended the relationship. Is there anyone out there that can give me some positive feedback on if a negative can love a postive person successfully?

Offline BT65

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« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2008, 09:42:56 PM »
I really don't know why you ended the relationship (if you cared about him) before getting any actual information about the virus.  I've loved people who were dope addicts, HIV+, hep C, you name it.  Just because a person is this or that really isn't a reason to end a relationship; especially without even knowing anything about someone's diagnosis (information on how to stay negative etc.).  Just my opinion.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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Offline Joe K

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  • 31 Years Poz
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2008, 10:17:42 AM »
Of course two people can love each other, even when one is neg and one is poz.  I was in a sero-discordant (one poz / one neg) for four years and we shared a wonderful relationship.  We both became educated on safer sex and so we also shared a satisfying intimate relationship.  When two people truly love each other, there are few obstacles that they cannot overcome.  That said, I would suggest that before you start any more relationships, you explore why you are so worried at what others think of you.  If you allow yourself to be controlled by what others think, no amount of information will ever overcome other people's prejudices.

Offline snoofle

  • Member
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« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2008, 09:12:46 PM »

i'm currently in a relationship with a positive guy and im negative. we've been together for nearly 5 years, but i didnt find out he was positive til last december so it was a real shock. i know it is possible to love someone who is positive. the way i think of it is you dont fall in love with the person b/c they do or do not have HIV, you fall in love with the person's personality; and from time to time, i definitely feel like giving up b/c it is hard to be in a serodiscordant relationship, but i just try to remember that i dont think anyone could ever love me like he has and knowing that makes me want to stay.

Offline 404error

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« Reply #4 on: February 02, 2008, 07:23:37 PM »
Melissa, I don't think what you've done is shallow at all.  I don't think that I'd date someone who is negative because I couldn't live with risking infecting someone who wasn't living with HIV already.  I know I'd much rather be in a relationship with someone else who was poz and risk reinfection of a second strain than put someone new who is otherwise healthy in danger.  I also don't think that I'd date someone living with HIV were I not positive myself.  I just don't see it as being worth the risk and would prefer to live life as someone who is HIV negative.
A social critic who promotes equality...

Offline Teresa

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« Reply #5 on: February 02, 2008, 10:57:34 PM »

I am married to a HIV+ man and I'm negative. We were married 4 years when we found out. It was hard at first, a real rollercoaster the first year. Things have pretty much gotten back to normal.

Its up to you to decide if you want the relationship. No relationship is easy and adding HIV to the mix can make i t that much harder if you let it. Would I have stayed in the relationship if I knew before we got married...probally not since I didn't know much about HIV. I learned all I could about HIV and how its transmitted. That's my advice to you. Learn all you can about it! If you haven't read the lessons here i urge you to do so. It will soon be 2 years since we found out hubby was HIV+ and I have no intention of going anywhere! So it is possible for a HIV+ and a HIV- to have a relationship.

I don't think you are a shallow girl. Its your decision to do whats best for you.

Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)

Offline OneMoreGuy

  • Member
  • Posts: 77
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2008, 12:27:58 AM »
Hello Melissa,

No one can minimize your fear of getting infected. Only you can allow yourself to come to terms with what HIV is and if you can accept the remote possibility of you becoming infected if you date an HIV person. If you are able to achieve that, then you are ready to date someone who you might find to be a wonderful man who happens to be HIV. If not, than it is best that you look for someone that will not bring HIV into your love equation. God knows there are plenty of other problems that challenge relationships every day.

Personally, in almost 50 years of living, I have been on both sides of the fence. I have had long term relationships with HIV poz men while being HIV negative myself, and now I have been married to a man for 8 years that is HIV negative while I have been positive since December 2005. When I told him I had become poz he simply said that he would always be by my side and life continued.

So, are relationships between HIV negative and positive people possible. The answer is yes.

Are they for you? Only you can decide that. It all depends on whether you can conquer your fear of HIV or not. And only learning about HIV can help you make that decision easier.

Good luck.
Psychologist, PhD
Counseling patients with HIV since Jan 1991
HIV since Dec 2005
There are three parts to any successful relationship (platonic or romantic): trust, honesty and communication

Offline GiverSSJ

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« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2008, 12:49:44 PM »
I can see where you're coming from. I haven't been put in that "scenario" yet so I don't know how I'd react, but I'd probably get to know the person first as a person instead of looking at him/her as "the positive person". I wouldn't jump into intercourse right away so you get time to know the person as a person and judge from there.

Offline LovingPartner

  • Member
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« Reply #8 on: September 05, 2008, 10:10:11 AM »
I'm in a relationship with an HIV+ person myself.  We have an 11yr old daughter together, she was conceived before we knew he was HIV+.  I am negative & so is our daughter.  We were apart for most of our daughter's life, but just recently decided to get back together.  I love him, always have.  It wasn't his status that kept us apart, there were other issues....  Right now we are happy, enjoying being a family again.  When I think of him as a person & the man I love, his HIV status isn't even in the picture, I just love him!  It is possible to make this type of relationship work!! You have to educate yourself, use condoms and be safe.  I know people may say I am putting myself at risk unnecessarily, but I don't see it that way.  We love eachother and we are happy.   


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