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Author Topic: Hello Again and an experience. Possibly funny, possibly not.  (Read 3049 times)

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Offline havisham

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Well hello again - I joined the forums a couple of years ago when I was first diagnosed, and haven't posted much - have just been getting on with / getting used to my new life - I've even had to re-register, as I forgot all my log-in details. Last week, I had an experience which I wanted to share, and see if anyone else had had too.

So, it's been a couple of years, and I decided that a nun's habit is just too restricting, and sex is something that I really want to keep as part of my life. Figured I'd see how it went. Met a guy on the internet, we had sex, and it was nice - lots of laughing, fun, intimacy. I didn't disclose, but made sure that everything we did was safe. Ended up with me cumming on my stomach, and then just as I was thinking "well hurrah, I can have a sex life without endangering anyone else after all" - he bent down and ate the cum off my stomach. Now, in my old life, I would probably have quite enjoyed that, but now it really took me aback.

So, the question is, I suppose - how can you make sure that sex is safe, when it involves another person with their own ideas? Anyone else ever come up against that one?

"Bigger teeth than those of mice have gnawed at me."

Offline cflas

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Re: Hello Again and an experience. Possibly funny, possibly not.
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2006, 08:52:24 AM »
Dear Steve: I know you know this, I but I really think you need to disclose if your going to have that kind of intimacy.  As for his risk, I would anticipate that it's probably low considering the fargillity of the virus, it's exposure to the air, and the gastric juices present in his mouth. 

Offline cflas

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Re: Hello Again and an experience. Possibly funny, possibly not.
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2006, 08:58:10 AM »
I hit the wrong damn button and I couldn't finish my thought...

I know that we all susceptible to those random moments, the quick sex, the new companion, or just anyone to hold us through the dark.  But there are other aspects to this disease and I sense that you wouldn't ever want to put someone in danger.

A couple of years ago, I was hospitalized over-night secondary to chest pains.  Typically, I am an easy stick (for drawing blood and starting IVs) but the first nurse, who wore gloves, wasn't having a good go of it. She called in another nurse who didn't wear gloves when he did the IV.  I don't even think he thought he was at risk because my wife was with me.  But, I still beat myself up for not telling him to stop, to check my chart, and not making him put on gloves.  chris

Offline appleboy

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Re: Hello Again and an experience. Possibly funny, possibly not.
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2006, 09:06:21 AM »
That is a rough situation.  I am sure many more in here have faced.  I have taken the approach of tell all and be open about it.  Granted my sex life is non existant unless you count my right hand  ;D .  Also, keep in mind that a lot of states allow people to prosecuted for not disclosing.  I will use the guy that gave it to me.  He said he was clean I took his word and he did not know or he lied and now I have it so the cycle contiunes unless I decide it stops with me.  I am so glad you were safe with him.  There are many people with HIV that think oh now I have it so I can do what I want.  I applaud you for being openly honest with your post and I hope that you can do that with partners.
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Offline kentb

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Re: Hello Again and an experience. Possibly funny, possibly not.
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2006, 10:01:10 AM »
Steve, you have a right to privacy.  He has the obligation/responsibility to protect himself.



Offline Ann

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Re: Hello Again and an experience. Possibly funny, possibly not.
« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2006, 10:15:25 AM »

Your partner wasn't at risk when he licked the cum off your belly. You would only be putting him at risk if you had intercourse without a condom, or if the condom broke.


I know quite a few nurses who don't use gloves when sticking patients. One told me that gloves aren't really much protection against needle stick injury and actually made it more likely to happen because of the reduced feeling in the fingertips. Needle stick injury is really the only threat to a nurse in this situation. And remember, health care practitioners wear gloves to protect the patient as much as - if not more than - the other way around.

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline havisham

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Re: Hello Again and an experience. Possibly funny, possibly not.
« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2006, 01:39:43 PM »
Thanks for your replies - all thought-provoking!

It's very tricky. I would be devastated to think that I'd passed this on to someone - but at the same time, I don't want to go through the rest of my life introducing myself as HIV+ before anyone has a chance to get to know me.

I accept that I have a responsibility to protect partners, but I'd hope that they are conscious of their own repsonsibilities to themselves. I don't blame the guy who gave it to me - my health was / is my responsibility.

I'm not sure that I'm as brave as you appleboy. Maybe there is no blanket solution. Maybe a case by case kind of thing is the way to go.
"Bigger teeth than those of mice have gnawed at me."


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