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Author Topic: Depression Is taking over as my visit with Herman comes to an end.  (Read 4201 times)

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Dan J.

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My month here in Belgium with Herman is coming to a close. I leave for that wonderful place I call home (Jackson, TN) on Wednesday. I have had a great time with Hermie, lots of good memories to take back with me. We have both come to the realization that we will never be able to have a life together in the same country. He can't come live in the United States & if I moved to Belgium I would loose over half of my SSDI check. & eventhough I complain about living with the old folks, I miss them way too much to be this far away from them & my sisters and friends. What makes me really sad is I don't know when I will see him again. Our individual financial situations  will not allow for much travel in the future. I am swimming in a sea of debt, barely able to keep my head above water. I feel the depression starting to take over my feelings. Herman was very depressed the last 2 months after my surgery in Oct when my trip was postponed until after Christmas. I am afraid he will become depressed again. He doesn't see many friends or his family most of the time & I worry about him being alone. MSN Messenger is a great thing, but it doesn't compare to actually being in the same place with the one you love.

When I get back home I have to contact my vocational rehab councilor to get the ball rolling on the job search again. I had to put that off after my surgery & this trip. The job market in Jackson sucks at the moment, not many employers are hiring this time of year & with the recession looming I don't see it getting any better.

Why does life with hiv have to be so hard & complicated?



Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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  • Cheech 2.2.94 - 4.23.10 We miss you so much!
Re: Depression Is taking over as my visit with Herman comes to an end.
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2008, 09:30:23 PM »
Hi Dan~

Sorry to hear that you're feeling down and out, and worrying about Hermie, too.  I still think its wonderful that the two of you got to spend all of this time together.

Please don't despair, have faith that good things will come your way and that you and Hermie will be able to see each other on a more regular basis.

I emailed against the travel ban today, and I think of you and Hermie tonight, glad that I sent my emails in, voicing my opinion on the matter.

Kisses to both of you tonight.


~ Cindy
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline BT65

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Re: Depression Is taking over as my visit with Herman comes to an end.
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2008, 09:53:30 PM »
Oh Dan, it's sad that this has to be right now.  But I know that the love you two share will prevail. I, with Cin, e-mailed against the travel ban.  I'm glad you got to see Hermie.  Believe me, honey, the job market sucks everywhere.  Just take things one (one) day at a time, especially in these last days you have together.  Just cherish the memories you're making.  They'll pull you through.  I'm thinking of you two. :-* :-*  (a kiss for each of you)
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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Offline Iggy

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Re: Depression Is taking over as my visit with Herman comes to an end.
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2008, 05:17:01 PM »
Dan (and Herman)

I just wanted to add my commiserations about how much it sucks right now.

I hope that that you both don't try to see this whole mountain of problems at once or else it really could lead into depression.  I know that may not seem like much great advice or comfort, but try your best to not look at all that is wrong only as it can block out the little that you have that is good between the two of you.

All my best, and all my wishes that somehow and someway you too can be together in daily life.


Offline komnaes

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Re: Depression Is taking over as my visit with Herman comes to an end.
« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2008, 09:36:33 PM »
Hey Dan, it does sound tough. But come to think of it though, the fact that you recovered from your health problem so quickly and finally making your way to Europe is probably one of the best news we have around here this whole period, and I feel really privileged that I can share this part of yours and Hermie's journal. Don't ask me why, I just know that we will be hearing more happy news from you two. As for now, enjoy the rest of your stay with Hermie, enjoy the feelings that only love can bring. Too few of us are lucky enough to have ever experienced this...

Big hugs, Shaun

Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline bear60

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Re: Depression Is taking over as my visit with Herman comes to an end.
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2008, 09:08:58 AM »
I PM'd you. I know how you feel.  Sometimes circumstances are such that we have to submit to them.  If you guys can have some good memories from this experience thats a plus.  Good memories will serve you well in the future.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia


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