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Author Topic: Advice to my big brother  (Read 2374 times)

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Offline Coffee

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  • Posts: 4
Advice to my big brother
« on: December 03, 2007, 11:16:07 AM »
I need my brother to have some peace of mind. He is older than I and always viewed himself as my 'big brother' like a protector against the world.

He is the typical tough guy with a big heart.

I have only known him to cry twice in his life and the last time was me telling him about my diagnosis. He is angry in the way I got infected since it was an occupational incident and secondly I think he feels that he has no way of protecting me... which technically in his mind is his job.

What would you guys tell him if you could sit him down and say... 'Let me tell you something....'?

Offline BT65

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Re: Advice to my big brother
« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2007, 06:27:43 PM »
I guess I'm not understanding what you want to get across to your brother.  You want to tell him something to make him instantly feel peaceful and at-ease?  One thing I learned is that I do not control other people's emotions; nor do I try.  If he's having a particularly hard time, just assure him that you will be there for him if he ever wants to talk.
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Offline aztecan

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  • Posts: 5,517
  • 32 years positive, 60 years a pain in the butt
Re: Advice to my big brother
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2007, 09:50:47 AM »
I don't know what I would say, aside from "Everything that can be done is being done."

This is something new for me. I never had a protector, nor was I a protector for anyone.

Maybe others will have a better idea.


"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Poz Brit

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Re: Advice to my big brother
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2007, 02:23:00 PM »
That a difficult one, as we each handle our emotions in our own way. We can only try to reassure them that we will cope, but on the day we flag a little, it’s good to have someone there. Do you remember that 60’s song by the Hollies “ He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother”

Offline mjmel

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Re: Advice to my big brother
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2007, 09:47:36 AM »
Shedding tears in reaction to distrubing news of a loved one is indeed a healthy and loving response.
So I say, give him a big hug--maybe have a cry with him--and let him know you are doing the best you can at this given point in time.
Mike M

(edited: initially, only posted a fragment of intended message)
« Last Edit: December 05, 2007, 09:54:35 AM by mjmel »

Offline gardner

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Re: Advice to my big brother
« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2007, 10:15:56 AM »

As a big brother myself I can understand his feeling of not being able to protect you.  The only advise I can give is for you to help him understand your status and understand the virus.  Using the Lessons section in this forum is a good tool for both of you.

You haven't said much about your status but perhaps "Big Brother" will feel better if he's involved with things like tracking your numbers, helping with your med schedule and even taking in a doctors visit or two.

Offline Iggy

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Re: Advice to my big brother
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2007, 10:41:11 AM »
I assume that when you say you contracted HIV through an occupational incident that you are in the medical profession, which I hope has given you enough knowledge and information to tell your brother all the facts about the virus. (BTW - if I am wrong, please correct me)

So now you are left with the non-factual aspects of the virus, and from that I can't suggest anything without knowing either you or your brother better.  Trust your own instincts here on what you think your brother wants to hear at this time. 


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