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Author Topic: Jus' wondering?  (Read 4622 times)

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Offline Yohoe

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Jus' wondering?
« on: November 15, 2007, 11:00:30 AM »
Good god, the internet is an inredible tool for persuasion and uncontrollable worrying.
I know that regardless of what it says, symptoms are no regard for knowing the results and I need to/have to get tested. It is overdue, but I have not worried much until now, because I have always practiced "safe sex"--which to my education and knowledge
through schooling, mass media, pop culture and community inittiatives means using a condom for "sex" which
I have used for when having anal sex.

I just moved across the country to Toronto, which is very embracing for the gay community, as well as any other diversity, including
a very active HIV/AIDS committee. I am 23, and yes, been reluctant to go for testing in the past three years I have been sexually active, only because I feel that I have been safe.
I have been in numerous sexual relations, but understand it only takes one encounter for this and other diseases to spread. The debate about oral sex is confusing. As if it is considered a risk, then there needs to be more pressure and education about it. I feel if it should be a concern, shouldn't the entire gay population be HIV+?

I was also diagnosed with a brain tumor when I was 18 and have had three surgeries since 2003. Some severe hypochondria has kicked in, because
when I look back at the times, my symptoms were telling me something was happening to my body. So now, I do not know what "normal" is--besides a setting on the washing machine--but am always extrapolating to the third degree that every bump, lump and cough, and symptom is related to cancer/HIV.

So the sitch is this:

I fooled around with a guy I've been seeing for a few months. He performed oral on me, and there was no ejaculating in his mouth.
A week later he came down with a fever, swollen lymph nodes, cough and tiredness and achy limbs. He went to the hospital
becuase of complications breathing and a blood test was taken. He was diagnosed on the spot of having "mono". He has not heard back
from the hospital and there hasn't been any relaying of his hospital reports to his doctor. He told me it could be as for the last couple of weeks prior
he had been partying and the night of the day we departed he was out late and ended up drinking from people's glasses. I spoke to him last night and he told me his fever was coming back.

I am worried, I am learning about this from someone else, and devastated that is how.  As I have done some intense research into  ARS and how it appears. However, it could be a wake up call for me, to realize that I cannot be ignorant and naiive and need to get screened annually for STDs. I have never performed in "barebacking". And if that is the risk, than I shouldn't worry (as I've been told). I have gone to the Aids Committee of Toronto, and receieved a counsel from a social worker, who believes that my anxiety is overruling the situation and that it would appear that he just got "sick"

I have booked a  rapid test for the 27th of November, yet feel reluctant, as it is coming up to a stressful time with work and, yea, Christmas.
I will be going back home, so I should just be brave and get it over with, so I can go back home in ease/or able to tell my close friends/family the news.

Whatever the case, this situation has only made me stronger. I have been through enough conflliction with health in the last five years, and I can embrace what's next. After coming out to my parents this month (I flew back on emergency reasons, and also needed to let go my fears, about being gay and HIV). They revealed to me a couple friends in the family who are positive, and have been so for twenty years, and are healthy.
I understand that like any disease, it is not easy to handle, but you cope with it, and you recover. (As I have done myself). With the advancements in medication, we are fortunante that it is 2007, and the progress made every year.

So that's it. I don't know. I could only use some reliable information to help support me on this, and ease myself into getting a test. My generation is more educated and aware about STDs and I feel I have done an exceptional job of protecting myself, so that if I am positive, I can hold my head high and say that....shit happens, you take a risk in everything you do, and being gay, there are a few more risks involved.

I'm only trying to stay as positive as I can, and not speculate and dwell on the "what ifs" and know we cannot live in F.E.A.R. (Either Fuck Everything and Run, or Face Everything and Recover).

And there is talk in Ontario  about great things going on with a vaccine. I'm not sure how widespread it is, but down at the University of Western Ontario in London, there is a researcher who has been spending 20 years working on a vaccine. He is now working on human trials of the vaccine after a partnership with a Korean firm who has granted him 70 million dollars to work on this vaccine which could be available in two/thre years. I know it's naiive to think there is a magic cure, but what about all the diseases which have been cured in the last fifty years?

Here is the link:


Best to everyone.

Offline thunter34

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  • Posts: 7,361
  • His name is Carl.
Re: Jus' wondering?
« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2007, 11:27:29 AM »

This is a rather lengthy post, so maybe I missed it.  Is there a question in here somewhere?

AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Yohoe

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Re: Jus' wondering?
« Reply #2 on: November 15, 2007, 11:32:35 AM »
Hahaha yeah I can write forever.

I don't know, I think I'm just gathering some opinion about my case. Nobody or myself can tell unless I get tested.

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: Jus' wondering?
« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2007, 11:42:41 AM »
If you are referencing that whole "he performed oral on me with no ejaculation" / HIV vs.mono stuff, I'd say your friend "just got sick".  You don't have a transmission risk from that incident, and it sound as though you have been pretty diligent about your safe sex behavior over the years.

That said, if you are indeed sexually active, it is prudent to get tested regularly for all STD's....the full panel, the whole kit & kaboodle. 

AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Jus' wondering?
« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2007, 11:58:32 AM »
We do recommend that anyone who's sexually active regularly have a full STD panel done. That means at least annually.

As far as your situation specifically, nowhere do I see you mentioning having had unprotected intercourse. That's the only real risk sexually. Other activities such as giving head to a guy are really more theoretical than actual risk. Reports of transmission in that manner have been questionably accurate. There's much more evidence from longterm studies of sero-discordant couples that it's not risky. Still, it comes down to individual choice as to what to do about giving oral.

From what you have reported I expect you will test negative.

Please clarify if I have missed something.

Andy Velez

Offline Yohoe

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  • Posts: 10
Re: Jus' wondering?
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2007, 01:50:29 PM »
Thanks Andy,

My mind is going crazy thinking about it. I've also had symptoms like ARS before, and things like angular chelitis and perioral dermititis, and I have a shroud of guilt over me because I have never
been tested before and thinking that I am infected.

I just want to know ASAP, but don't know if I should do it before Christmas and just go through this psycho mind babble or get it done in two weeks and suck it up.


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Jus' wondering?
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2007, 04:45:21 PM »
Well, this is just me but I would suggest testing and get it over with. It sounds like it would be hard to turn your mind off for the next few weeks. Nothing you are reporting leads me to expect other than a negative result, assuming you haven't left out any unsafe sex details.

Good luck with your test whenever you decide to do it.

Andy Velez

Offline Yohoe

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Jus' wondering?
« Reply #7 on: November 20, 2007, 01:32:59 AM »
Well, a week today until my test date, and then I'll know.

I'm mostly concerned for the other guy who it is I learned this from and for why I am panicking.
Things happen for a reason, and for either way the result turns out I will take the lesson
wisely. The reason why I have never been tested since I've been sexual is becuase I have never put myself into a "risk"
and that is anal sex without condoms. I didn't really think that you had to test otherwise. I guessed wrong.
For the entire subculture of gay men who bareback (without drugs)....Why?

He is still tired, and it's coming up to a month after our incident. (oral without ejaculating).
He got sick a week later (swollen lymph nodes, fever, cough, aches, tiredness) and was told he had

I guess the risk being gay is way higher than already it is. I've always been so frightened and scared of "barebacking"
I never bothered to think about condoms for oral sex. Because if that's the case, then I would imagine the entire gay
community would be HIV+

Therer then needs to be more awareness and education that oral sex is dangerous.

The only other way I am going to hypothesize that I am infected is coldsores. I got the herpes virus in June. It appeared three weeks after my encounter, and was sort of a mess. My naturopath said the first case is usually the worst. It took about a month to heal then went away.
My last cold sore was in September and it took about normal time to heal (12 days). Since then I haven't had one (and I haven't take my multi vitamin pill for a few weeks).


Take care everyone.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Jus' wondering?
« Reply #8 on: November 20, 2007, 10:37:33 AM »

I fooled around with a guy I've been seeing for a few months. He performed oral on me, and there was no ejaculating in his mouth.
A week later he came down with a fever, swollen lymph nodes, cough and tiredness and achy limbs. He went to the hospital
becuase of complications breathing and a blood test was taken. He was diagnosed on the spot of having "mono". He has not heard back
from the hospital and there hasn't been any relaying of his hospital reports to his doctor.


Your friend was diagnosed with mono. Just because his GP hasn't had the lab reports means nothing. In fact, an emergency department probably doesn't have the resources to forward everything in a timely manner. His paperwork could be languishing in the middle of a stack of reports waiting to go out.

And besides - "He performed oral on me, and there was no ejaculating in his mouth." is a "risk" purely in the theoretical sense and even more so since you didn't come in his mouth. This is not a situation that would lead to his infection.

It also means nothing that your friend is still tired weeks after having mono. Mono can be notoriously difficult to recover from and the older you are when you get it, the longer it can take.

You're doing the right thing by starting to have complete sexual health care check ups. Make sure they include a full STI panel, not just hiv testing. Considering your history, I expect you to test hiv negative.

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Yohoe

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  • Posts: 10
Re: Jus' wondering?
« Reply #9 on: November 20, 2007, 12:16:14 PM »
Thanks Ann--

It's what I've read that is scaring me. Some sources say ARS doesn't show up until average three weeks after exposure, and some say it can be early as a week.

This was roughly a week after exposure.

And most symptoms are that of "mono" and can be misdiagnosed as "mono".

(Swollen lymph nodes, fever, cough, aches, tiredness).

Offline Yohoe

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  • Posts: 10
Re: Jus' wondering?
« Reply #10 on: November 22, 2007, 11:58:01 PM »
I think what I'm thinking.......

(great line)

is that if he went to the hospital a week after his exposure and he had a blood test. Wouldn't alarms  go off if the test results did not show  positive for mono, that the white blood cell count would be low, and call him to let him know that something was not right because it wasn't mono. Do you think they are trained to diagnose ARS as an option?

He also told me he dropped a bunch of weight over the three weeks he was sick.

Or maybe not. Maybe hospitals and doctors are oblivious to ARS and don't diagnose it, knocking it off as something else. However, I'm not a doctor (by no means even someone to buy advice from) but I'm not sure what else causes a low blood white blood cell count the way ARS and mono does.


Thank you to all who is helping me. I comend you on your devotion to help ease people through this time.


Offline Yohoe

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  • Posts: 10
Just some voices to listen to
« Reply #11 on: November 24, 2007, 01:42:24 AM »
Hello all--

I'm a 23/gay man who recently moved to Toronto this year.
My transition hasn't been easy, as I have overcome a brain tumor
diagnosis at 18 and multiple surgeries to have it removed.

In that regard I am healthy. I did not have cancer and I did not
lose my sight or anything--it was after all benign.

Toronto is a large city. Larger than the one I came from before.
I do not have much support in the form of friends, but the GLTB,
HIV community is massive.

I'm going for my first HIV test on Tuesday. I'm somewhat convinced
I am positive, and I need to go, because I need that clarification.
Either way the result turns out I need not to be afraid. After hearing
some people's stories and expereiences, I understand that it is a controllable
disease. Because of my illness, I have developed slight hypochondria, that is eating away at me
right now. (I wish the internet was dead).
As someone said HIV is  "a medical condtion; not a moral one"

I have always practiced safe sex--for that I can hold my head high.
If anything should show up, it is because of reasons I could not control.

Anyone interested in telling me how they feel/felt and the anxiety and ways of coping
right now, I would fine helpful in easing myself into this possibility, and learning about the illness itself.

Thank you

Best health

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Just some voices to listen to
« Reply #12 on: November 24, 2007, 03:37:34 AM »
Keep all your questions an concerns in your orginal thread. Read the posting guidelines found in the "Welcome" thread.

Offline anniebc

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  • AM member since 2003
Re: Jus' wondering?
« Reply #13 on: November 24, 2007, 03:52:54 AM »
Please keep all your thoughts and questions in this thread, and please read the Welcome Thread and follow the "Posting guide lines"..this way we can keep track of you..thank you for your cooperation.

Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.


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