Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 22, 2017, 03:40:38 PM

Login with username, password and session length

  • Total Members: 31676
  • Latest: 2247cg
  • Total Posts: 721082
  • Total Topics: 58495
  • Online Today: 387
  • Online Ever: 1421
  • (August 13, 2016, 05:18:44 AM)
Users Online


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: What would you have said?  (Read 1720 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline HealthyMomma

  • Member
  • Posts: 128
What would you have said?
« on: October 14, 2007, 03:56:44 PM »
Hey guys! I have something to vent about here. Nobody in my family knows I am poz other than a few people. Including my cousin which is basically my best friend. I talk to her several times a week and tell her about my doctors appointments and everything. She knows I have to take meds and how sick I was when I first started taking them. She has been on this little "journey" with me for the last 2 years. She just started dating some guy a month ago. He just moved in with her. They haven't had sex yet but I am pretty sure they will any day now. His ex is going around saying he gave her stds and everything. People make things up when they are mad. But how do you know if she is spreading lies or is being honest? You dont. Thats my point. You dont know when people have HIV or not. People can have herpes and you cant tell. So I mentioned something to my cousin about using condoms. And she just kinda blew it off. I asked her if she had any condoms or if she needed some. She said she had some but only used them a couple times and dont really like they way they feel. Um. Learn from my mistakes ok? So I try to talk to her and tell her that and she says "well I'm not on birth control anyways". I dont care! You shouldn't use condoms just because you are not on birth control. You should use condoms to prevent yourself from getting stds! So bascially from what I gathered, when and if she goes back on birth control they wont use condoms. She says " If we are together a long time then we are not going to be using condoms forever!" Fine! I told her to at least go and get tested together before they decide to go bare back. She just kinda bawled at the idea. She is kinda shy about sex so I'm thinking she would rather say nothing instead of insisting he use a condom or that they go get tested together. I think telling him she wants them to get tested together would be totally humiliating to her. Who cares? I tried explaining to her that it only takes one time and he might have something he doesn't even know about! I dont know if she will listen or not. Probably not. She tends not to take my advice when it comes to guys. Is there anything else you would have said to her? I am not gonna beg her to use condoms. She knows she should. She knows about HIV. I am thinking there is not much more I can do other than hope she protects herself  and uses condoms. I am going to see if maybe I can get a ride from her to my doc appointment in January. Maybe the nurses can knock some info into her head. I dunno what else to do. Every man to his own I suppose. Makes me so pissed and sad at the same time....

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,398
Re: What would you have said?
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2007, 04:16:21 PM »
Reminds me of a friend of mine, who knew my story completely, and told me how she tracked her status via blood donations. I was shocked. Fortunately, before she moved away, I was able to have a serious, yet quite humorous, chat with her and give her a condom dolled up like a lollipop from some conference I'd attended. I emphatically stated that moving to California would increase her odds and that she really needed to think of me with any new relationship that started. It's frustrating for sure. You just want to shake the person and say " What don't you get about how possible it is for you to become positive? " At least you tried.

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: What would you have said?
« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2007, 04:54:03 PM »
I think you pretty much said what could be said. It seems to me that she has the mindset that it can't happen to her regardless of her knowing it happened to you. As far as this new man in her life, well the ex could be talking mess because she is pissed or there could be truth to what she is saying, who knows. Maybe you should try to meet this new fella and see what he is like. It is still your cousin's choice if she wants to be with him but maybe you could get a vibe and see what he is about.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,174
  • AM member since 2003
Re: What would you have said?
« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2007, 05:27:53 PM »
You gave her good advise Mom but unfortunetly if she is not listening then there is not much you can do about..and I can understand how fustrating it must be for you, but all you can do at this stage is hope that some of it got through...the important thing is you tried.

Take care
Jan :-*
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Peter6836

  • Member
  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: What would you have said?
« Reply #4 on: October 14, 2007, 07:29:10 PM »
You said all the right things, and should feel good about the fact that you have been able to say them to her. I appreciate your honesty and you know she might also. Do not write off the idea that she did not hear you. Something may resonate with her yet. If not you did all you could do.
We need more people like you in the world!!!!
With respect.

Offline Basquo

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,383
Re: What would you have said?
« Reply #5 on: October 14, 2007, 08:26:25 PM »
I think it's strange that they're moving in together and haven't had sex yet, but if that's truly the case, perhaps he's not the manwhore his ex says he is.  But that really doesn't make a difference in the idea that they should get tested together. I don't know what else you can say, maybe you should say it again.  Tell her you don't want to have to say "I told you so" later.

Offline HealthyMomma

  • Member
  • Posts: 128
Re: What would you have said?
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2007, 03:22:04 PM »
Well they had sex last night....without a condom...I think I did pretty much all I can short of hiding under the bed and sliding one on him myself! It just pisses me off that she seems to think its not a big deal.... I did what I could...thanks guys!


Terms of Membership for these forums

© 2017 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.