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Author Topic: PET RULES  (Read 4340 times)

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Offline bluelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 178
« on: July 07, 2006, 11:09:08 AM »
Seeing that everyone here has pets of some kind l thought l would post this.Hope you all have not seen it before.


To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.  Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very sorry about this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.  If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.  I must exit through the same door I entered.  Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All  Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
About Our Pets:
1. They live here.  You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal.  To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Offline Lisa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,240
  • Formerly known as sweetieweasel/Joined Nov. 2004
    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2006, 11:22:24 AM »
Absolutely funny. Thanks for this, I needed it this morning.
I know this doesn't mean anything to anyone else, but for the very first time, Sweetie came to the bedside in the wee hours this morning, I  put her in the bed with me, and she slept between my legs. My heart swelled with pride that this small act was so very significant to me. She has blossomed into a very sweet little darling, and has finally shown me unadulterated trust.
She had been mistreated by someone at a very young age, and it has taken time to gain her complete trust.
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,670
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2006, 11:35:07 AM »
OMG Lisa, our pets have a secret communication link!   I have had Fang for exactly one year now, and for the first time, she curled up and snuggled with me during the night.   I truly think animals have that 6th sense....she knew I was feeling down and kinda blue, and she was trying to comfort her daddy.

"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,058
« Reply #3 on: July 07, 2006, 11:45:15 AM »

Sam asked if he could add a number twelve to your list?

12. If your children have children, your pets can eat your children's children.

My boy is always thinking. Did I mention his photostamps came in the mail?

Hal ;)

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Offline Lisa

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  • Posts: 1,240
  • Formerly known as sweetieweasel/Joined Nov. 2004
    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
« Reply #4 on: July 07, 2006, 11:51:01 AM »
Check your next phone bill carefully Alan. I think they have been drunk calling each other when we're asleep.
I found teensie little paw prints on the caller ID screen yesterday. :o
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
« Reply #5 on: July 07, 2006, 12:28:07 PM »
ROFL, this post is so true. I think my two get on the computer too, because I know they have me placed on ignore. :)

Offline Christine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,069
« Reply #6 on: July 07, 2006, 01:42:29 PM »
That was so cute! We need a bed larger than a king-size. Two humans, three dogs in bed with us, and one on the floor in his doggy bed...it is  little tight. And I still want a Great Dane!  :D

Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,174
  • AM member since 2003
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2006, 07:29:39 PM »
I loved it..that's definately a keeper....thanks for putting a smile on my face this morning.

Jan :-*
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Sdgirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 247
« Reply #8 on: July 07, 2006, 10:09:05 PM »
Loved it!  I actually printed out the rules!  Here is a picture of my Moe, who pretty much sums up your post!

[attachment deleted by admin]
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?"

Offline bluelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 178
« Reply #9 on: July 08, 2006, 10:48:27 AM »
Oh my Moe is a pretty cat.And like my cats likes to hog the pillows.

I tell them for someone so small you guys sure take up a lot of room on the bed.

I think they get a laugh out of me sleeping at the edge of the bed.

And they snore too!

Offline Quarter Horse

  • Member
  • Posts: 77
« Reply #10 on: July 08, 2006, 11:28:12 AM »
Hilarious!!!!, and so true!
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: IT GOES ON.

Robert Frost

Offline CaptCarl

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,114
  • Located in the Palinsville subdivision, JesusLand
« Reply #11 on: July 08, 2006, 08:07:07 PM »
Thanks for the Rules. My 2 Appenzeller dogs claimed that the can't read, but I know this is a lie, after all, they go out cruising in my pickup truck, Waldo steers and shifts, while Elmo does the gas, clutch, and brakes, and the Kitty keeps a lookout for the cops. I would like to add a few of my own. Why pets are better than kids, add that they won't turn into junkies and hock all your stuff for more drugs. Nor will they ship you off to a nursing home the moment you forget their names. Have a great day and thanks again for makling me laugh. Carl
The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

Offline Gary85741

  • Member
  • Posts: 197
  • Native Virginian living in Tucson AZ
    • Good guy, good heart
« Reply #12 on: July 09, 2006, 11:04:22 AM »

Allow me to add a #5 to the list...for the benefit of my feline 'companion':
5.  Your clean water bowl and fresh water is maintained for your hydration and drinking.  It is not provided as a play toy for you to spalsh water all over the floor...creating a safety hazard for your owner.  You know better than that.

Oh well...can't help but still love her!


[attachment deleted by admin]
Poz since '89. 
Current regimen: Rescriptor, Emtriva, Kaletra, Invirase, Acyclovir, Lisinopril, Lipitor, Prilosec, Valium, Testim, Nandrolone, Loperamidr, Marinol.

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
« Reply #13 on: July 10, 2006, 01:34:43 AM »
I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

Cute and thanks everyone for posting pics of your fur-babies.  :-* More! More!  :-*  I still don't know why pets follow us to the bathroom. I just laugh - I think mine watch me "you-know-what" because I watched them "you-know-what" (when they were kittens -I had to make sure they understood the protocol ;D)


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