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Author Topic: For James (Gecko31)  (Read 5752 times)

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Offline Matty the Damned

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For James (Gecko31)
« on: September 16, 2007, 03:23:31 AM »
Dan J and Hermie sent me some lovely photos of the AMG Memorial Service and I wanted to pause to remember a former AIDSmeds member who died in September 2005.

Goderator Jan (AnnieBC) organised this year's Memorial Service and before she left for San Francisco she rang me to say that she was making a special dedication for James, whose Forum name was Gecko31. I want to thank Janno for that. James and I were very close and the sadness comes upon me each year in September when I remember his death.

James joined AIDSmeds in May 2005 and from the outset it was clear that his time was limited. He had no treatment options left and was being ravaged by terminal lymphoma. He was devilishly funny and it was hard to tell he was so dreadfully ill.

But dreadfully ill he was. By the end of August 2005 his posts had dwindled (and too the salty PM's he and I exchanged) and early in September that year he posted his death thread in the old Living With Forum, telling us he could go on no longer, that he loved us and that would be his final post.

He was true to his word in every sense. Two or three days later his friend Mark logged in to inform us that James had died peacefully at his home in London. It was a Tuesday if memory serves, though I could be wrong, AIDS fog and grief blurs precise details.

There was much sadness over the next week.

I know that Goderator Ann was especially close to James and made his last few weeks much more bearable. I would close this post with her response to James' request that we not be saddened by his passing.

"We would do anything for you, but this time you ask too much."

Vale James.

(Who has nothing to add)

Offline scud44

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Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2007, 03:42:21 AM »
Thanks for that Matty

I think we all need to pause and reflect about the friends we have lost in the past


CD4 = 110 - 30 July 2007 - 10%
VL = 139000 - 30 July 2007
CD4 = 252 - 6th August 2007
VL = 16400 - 23rd August 2007
CD4 = 240 - 23rd August 2007
VL = 400 4th Sept 2007
CD4 = 96 - 4th Sept 2007
CD4 = 120 18th Sept 2007
VL = 386000 19th Nov 2007
CD4 = 160 19th Nov 2007
CD4 = 110 10th Jan 2008
CD4 = 311 29th Jan 2008
VL = <50 29th Jan 2008
CD4 = 148 2nd April 2008
VL = 110,000 2nd April 2008
June 2010 and nothing has improved

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2007, 03:57:05 AM »
James and I exchanged quite a fw PMs back in my days here online. I liked him, and he seemed to think I was an OK guy. We exchanged PMs about science  and the dearth of critical thinking in a world that seemed to refuse or refute one or the other. We talked about the idea of death and the idea of living among increasingly depressing odds.

And one day, he said goodbye to me. And to the forums. And then he was gone. And I was utterly done. I did not know what to do.

I still do not know what to do.

For the people who day that HIV is no big deal, or who think that folks like myself are doome - sayers or gloomy gusses, I only ask that you re-read his brave postings, that you revisit this man's spirit and his words. That you place yourselves in some semblence of his shoes and re-enact his last few brave, astonishing, and inspiring months of life.

James was. Is. An inspiration. He lived and he died according to his own will, trapped as we all are within a world not of our own design. He took ownership of his illness, and of his destiny.

I would love to be remembered as a tenth of his spirit, as a fraction of his character. The man had three sets of testicles, and used them every one.

I am just saying.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2007, 10:07:26 AM »

I miss James.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2007, 10:28:30 AM »
It's good to remember James. He really was an inspiration -- dealing and facing what came up with courage, dignity and wit.

He left a space that will always remain his.

Here's to you, Gecko. It was good to share some time with you.
Andy Velez

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2007, 10:30:06 AM »
And you're right, Scud. It IS good to pause and remember those who have gone on their way. So many wonderful, wonderful people. 
Andy Velez

Offline gerry

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Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #6 on: September 16, 2007, 10:42:13 AM »
Thank you for this thread...

Offline Rasheen

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Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #7 on: September 16, 2007, 07:24:57 PM »
I miss him very much and still think of him often.  He was so happy when I gave birth to Malachi.

Offline Moffie65

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Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #8 on: September 16, 2007, 08:24:40 PM »
Indeed, how does one grieve one who only existed virtually for so many of us, but his wit, his fighting spirit were gifts I will not soon forget, and like so many I have said goodbye to along the way; he was one of the most generous.

Enjoy the other side James.

The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Lis

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Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #9 on: September 16, 2007, 11:26:56 PM »
James was a beautiful human... He was also pretty naughty!!! LOL.. I think of him often and know that he still sees us , points, and laughs!!!

we are all very lucky and better off for knowing him.

much love Gecko31

poz 1986....

Dan J.

  • Guest
Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #10 on: September 17, 2007, 03:06:05 AM »
What I remember most about James is that he knew his time with us was limited but he kept giving hope to others through his words on this forum until he just wasn't able to do so anymore.   He holds a very special place in many of our hearts and I will never forget him.

Thank You James for touching my life. 


« Last Edit: September 17, 2007, 03:25:32 AM by Dan J. »

Offline Lis

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Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2007, 07:43:29 PM »
poz 1986....

Offline anniebc

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Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2007, 05:21:12 AM »
As long as those of us who knew and loved James draw breath he will never be forgotten.

James shared his last days with us, encouraging us to live life and not to be afraid, even in his last days his thoughts were not for himself but for us, he gave us strength ....many tears were shed the day James left us.

In love and respect.
Jan :'(

Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline AlanBama

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Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #13 on: September 24, 2007, 09:49:19 AM »
James was a great guy.   He was one of the first to welcome me to the forums.  I miss him.

Jan did a lovely job of honoring him at our Memorial Service in San Francisco.
Thanks for including him, Jan.   I know he was smiling at us that day.....


"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Nadine

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Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2007, 06:13:48 AM »
I had just become a member not too long before James passed.  I do remember him, but never had the chance to get to know him.



Offline david25luvit

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  • Member since March 2005
Re: For James (Gecko31)
« Reply #15 on: September 25, 2007, 12:35:47 PM »
Indeed I do remember James and he is sorely missed...
especially his humor......
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........


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