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Author Topic: Newly diagnosed, insecure  (Read 5469 times)

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Offline ally3067

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Newly diagnosed, insecure
« on: September 13, 2007, 08:06:09 PM »
Just found out a week ago that am poz, I'm in a fantastic supportive relationship with a guy who knows all the circumstances leading up to me getting tested and had similar reasons to get tested as well - both had good reason to think we would both test poz and discussed how we would feel if one of us ended up poz and the other neg and agreed it wouldn't change anything between us. However, I tested poz and he tested neg and, although he assures me and acts like he still feels the same about me, I can't help feeling really insecure and guilty.  Insecure about he could possibly want me now and guilty thinking about how there's still a possibility I could have given this truly horrible thing to him.  The way I feel about him and the emotional security we have is fantastic and something I've never felt before, especially since the support he's given me after being being diagnosed poz, but now and again I feel really insecure and can't help feeling he's only saying what I want to hear to spare my feelings and I hate myself for thinking that about him.  Any suggestions on how to deal with feeling?

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: Newly diagnosed, insecure
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2007, 10:04:17 PM »
Keep the communication lines open..  You cant read his mind any more than he can read yours.  Thats why the universe created that yapper on the front of your face...  Talk to him and tell him your fears...  Both I and my husband had a similar conversation very earily on.   Unfortunately, we both tested positive... That scenario does not make it any easier than a pos/neg one...  Relationships do not fall out of the sky's these days.... Hold on to what you have... Quit placing to much value of a hiv diagnosis mixed into a existing relationship...   Talk to him...



Offline jonny123

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  • "To say I love you is the easy part"
Re: Newly diagnosed, insecure
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2007, 10:57:08 PM »
Well said eric...communication is the key. Talk until you're blue in the face. The main thing is not keeping your feelings of insecurity bottled up inside because they will eat away at you and cause problems that were never there to begin with. 


Offline brooklynpoz

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Re: Newly diagnosed, insecure
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2007, 02:23:32 PM »
Hi ALLY3067,

I am in a monogamous relationship, going on 4 years with my partner. We both went for a test, just as you did, in the beginning, and I am POZ, he is NEG.
After the dust settled with the news, we talked and talked over and over. We even went to couples therapy. The therapy wasn't pertaining to a bad relationship, or lack of love, it dealt with both our fears.Even before our test, we practiced safe sex, so that was dealt with from the start.
I had a fear of a mishap occurring, and God forbid giving him HIV, and he had his fears, equally, of getting it.
With time, and dedication, we both evolved from that state of mind, and now are on another level.
I am not sure how long you are with your partner, but, the news came to my relationship in it's infancy, which was very very stressing to it.
He could have said, "this isn't for me, I can't deal with it", but HE DIDN'T, he stood by my side, going with me to my doctor, learning, reading up on it, etc.
Both he and I had to do alot of work, which is and was worth it.
By all means, if you want to chat, via email, you are welcome to do so.
Be well, best of luck, health and happiness.

Diagnosed, Monday,  8/9/2004, 1ST year was ruff , now I am well adjusted .
Current Med's ; Kaletra & Truvada
Undetecable,<48 ,  531 tcells, 21%
Keeping the faith, that they will get a cure in our lifetime.

Offline libertine

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Re: Newly diagnosed, insecure
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2007, 04:16:34 PM »
I was the neg half of a relationship a few years ago and now i'm the pos half of another relationship. And I have to say that the guilt/shame/embarassment/paranoia that I feel now massively outweighs any worries I had when I was the neg partner. After I found out that he was pos I was...completely unworried about myself, hugely concerned for his health but didn't really worry too much about what would happen to me. Love is blind hey?

I know this isn't going to stop you feeling guilty. But hopefully it'll help. Best thing is to keep talking.

Offline ally3067

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Re: Newly diagnosed, insecure
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2007, 04:57:15 PM »
Thanks for the replies.
I know I'm lucky to have such a supportive partner and trying my hardest to deal with my insecurities - fortunately I can talk to him about feeling this way, it's just hard sometimes feeling overwhelmed by them.

Offline dtwpuck

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  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Re: Newly diagnosed, insecure
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2007, 05:19:41 PM »
Ally, welcome to the forum.
As others have stated, communication is the primary key. 
Keep in mind that your feelings of insecurity are natural.  It will help you immensely if you figure out where that insecurity comes from.  If you are feeling guilty or somehow diminished as a human being because you have a virus, then addressing that issue first will help you address the insecurity.  It also doesn't hurt to ask for reassurance from your partner.  Have honest, heart to heart conversations about his fears and yours.  No one is going to tell you it's easy.  And, every relationship is different.  But there are many examples of serodischordant relationships which have lasted for a long time.   It's important to understand that you are going through this together, not just you, not just him.

Best of luck to you.  Scott

Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline milker

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Re: Newly diagnosed, insecure
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2007, 12:07:08 AM »
This relationship sounds very strong and I applaud you for that. Now you will have to go through tests and everything that goes with your new status. It would be great if your partner can join you at the doctor's visits. There will a very personal time with your doctor when he should ask you very personal questions, and your partner can wait outside during that time. But when it comes to your future with HIV I think it would be beneficial for your partner to be here when your doctor explains how hiv works, what the numbers mean, etc. You both will go through this, you will have to adapt, but it sounds like you were prepared, so this is great.

mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

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