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Author Topic: Losing my mind...Don't know what to do at this point...  (Read 2483 times)

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Offline VerySick

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Losing my mind...Don't know what to do at this point...
« on: September 05, 2007, 08:45:58 PM »

I am new to this community, and before I ask my question, which is essentially, am I suffering from severe hiv symptoms, I need to give a lot of background information to explain why I am so worried.

A year ago now (can't believe I am still sick!), I had sex at least ten times with a man that I suspect has hiv/aids.  He was very, very, thin which at first I thought was normal for him, but as the months passed on and we continued dating, several things about his health and attitude alarmed me and I ended the relationship after he refused time and time again to get tested.  He was tired and fatigued all the time despite the fact that he seemed that he took viligent care of himself.  He constantly had a cold and told me that he may have had some type of growth in his lung, or something wrong with his lungs.  When I asked him about getting tested, he knew entirely too much about the various tests and ways in which two infected people could still pass the virus back and forth between each other. For a "heterosexual" man, I have no idea how he would know so much about the disease and still refuse to get tested. He even said at some point that if I had it, he would stay with me and I would "just take the aids drugs."  I thought this was really odd as this was a very new relationship and I had not known him for more than a few weeks, when he said this to me.  One night when I was very drunk, I had anal sex with him to make matters even worse!  I could kill myself now for doing that as that is a REALLY high risk activity, but I just could not believe that he could have it even though I was already starting to worry.  In the months following, I repeatedly asked him to get tested and even offered to pay him a large sum of money to see his test results.  Any normal person would have taken me up on the offer, and this was another really bad sign.

A couple of months after my last sexual encounter with him, I got sick with swollen glands and extreme exhaustion.  I also contracted a common STD which I think I got from him (it was either from him or from my ex-husband).  Again, if he could give me an STD knowingly, what else could he have also given me?  After the STD, I suffered repeated vaginal infections which eventually cleared after treating it several times.  At that point, I took my first hiv test and it was negative.  However, as the weeks passed, I remained symptomatic, so I went back to my doctor and was given tests for ARS (including a dna viral load test) that could have detected the hiv before a regular hiv test would.  All these specialized tests were negative and were done from 1-3 months after possible exposure.  I have extreme fatigue that doesn't go away with rest, a persistant sore throat, a tongue with a white coating, severe allergies that I've never had before, and now diarrhea (spelling?)for the past three weeks.  I have had regular hiv tests every couple of months for the past YEAR!  All have been negative, but I am so sick and I was such a healthy person before I slept with this guy!  Most doctors at this point would say that I don't have hiv, but I am very worried because I have so many of the symptoms and now I am having constant stomach issues and am losing weight.  I feel so sick that I am suicidal at times.  Everything else is great in my life but my health, but I can't stand living like this sick person for an indeterminable period of time with no hope in sight.  I even at one point accepted that I must have chronic fatigue syndrome, but my symptoms extend far beyond fatigue and my immune system seems very compromised by something.  Should I be getting a Western Blot test even though the Elisas have been fine?  I feel so alone and like I have aids and I am the only person in the world who is still showing negative after an unbearable year health-wise.  I must have it as my CBC and other blood tests are fine, so I don't have an infection in the common sense.  I need to have my stool tested for parasites, as I think that is what is causing the diarrhea, and then, maybe I will finally get diagnosed because healthy people who don't travel outside the country do not get intestinal parasites.  I am not a hypochondriac and want to believe this is anything else, believe me, but with the high risk sex I had with someone who probably has the disease, I am highly suspicious.

Oh, yeah, and I also wanted to mention that I met this guy on a dating website and when I threatened to get him in trouble for what he is doing to unsuspecting women, he pulled his profile off the site and has been off since.  I haven't checked though in several months as I am in a very good relationship now and am busy with other things.

Could I still have hiv even though I am still showing up negative a year after the last exposure and what other tests can I have done?  Anything?  Please help me. I am a mess.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Losing my mind...Don't know what to do at this point...
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2007, 09:53:57 PM »

I'm sorry to hear that you're ill.

The HIV antibody test results you've had indicate that you are conclusively HIV negative. It is true that there are a tiny number of people who return antibody negative results after 3 months (ie false negatives) but this only affects those who have been on certain sorts of heavy duty chemotherapy, transplant recipients on immuno-suppressive therapy and some long term injecting drug users.

Unless you are from one of those groups (and let's face it, you and your doctors would know if you are) then whatever is making you ill it's not HIV infection.

Please continue to work with your doctors to determine what is making you ill.


Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Losing my mind...Don't know what to do at this point...
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2007, 04:40:13 AM »

I agree with Matty; you ARE hiv negative, without doubt.

You seem to want to place all the blame for getting an STI on this man, but you need to start taking responsibility for your OWN sexual health - and that means making sure your partner is wearing a condom. No glove, no love as the saying goes.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence. Please also have a look at the information on the female condom

It is YOUR responsibility to maintain your sexual health. Make sure your partner is wearing a condom and you will continue to avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts


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