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Author Topic: Image  (Read 5117 times)

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Offline tigger2376

  • Member
  • Posts: 462
  • too bad to die youngish!
« on: August 07, 2007, 07:01:30 PM »
I feel really crap at the moment. Have just reached 216lbs, bigger than I was even when 9 months gone. YES I know its the meds,lifestyle and some blood sugar problems but its got me so depressed its beginning to rule my life. I know it shouldnt, my bf still thinks I'm sexy, (almost makes it worse because my libido is ZERO), and I've fought worse with the virus these last years...so why cant I deal with this?
I'm a tall girl at 6'2, but however much I'm reassured, I just see a fat lump when I look in the mirror. Yes, having HIV has rocked my self belief/worth, and yes, can intellectualise it all, but just dont know where this is all coming from. I've tried talking to a mental health professional, but I seem to have all the answers...maybe not the right question? I'm an intelligent woman, who has managed just about to at least live side to side with HIV and just snarl at it occasionally...this makes me feel so TRAPPED...I cant get away from my own body after all! Saying that, the virus doesnt make me feel the same, (which makes me feel guilty/messed up/wrongly proritised)
Just needed to get that off my chest,and if anyones got any ideas......
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline redhotmuslbear

  • Member
  • Posts: 605
  • A genuine certified freak of nature, and a hot one
Re: Image
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2007, 10:37:10 AM »

You mention your intimate partner and your body, but nothing about two things I believe make a world of difference with our self-image and overall attitudes:  physical activity and social engagement.  Since soon after accepting my status almost ten years ago, I have kept up a regular exercise routine and a variety of community activities as part of my efforts to feel positive about my body and to elevate my mood.  I highly recommend a variety of regular exercise for HIVers as both physical stimulus and a natural means of affecting an "up" brain chemistry, while being working towards common goals with other people will focus your mind on something other than self-critique, build new friendships, and give you yet more things to feel good about in the long run.

"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline tigger2376

  • Member
  • Posts: 462
  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: Image
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2007, 10:05:30 PM »
The pathetic thing is I KNOW this advice works (thanks so much) but its a vicious circle ..feel fat, stay home, go out, take quickest route back. I'm helpless, in thrall. Have found out today I'm diabetic (MOSTLY down to meds), which explains a bit, but think if I'm honest I've got more and more insular and lazy and use the virus as an excuse...know its not right, will sort my head out eventually, but just SO sick of the 'value added extras' this thing throws at me. I guess what I'm saying is that I've just had ENOUGH  right now. Not suicidal, just drained of everry ounce of resistance
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: Image
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2007, 12:33:07 AM »

Mark is right. What about a daily brisk walk for a mile with a friend? or an hiv+ person maybe?

Milker (who loves tigger because she was his first PM and she rocks :D)

/edited to add: sorry I just realized I posted in LTS, didn't see it last night sorry/
« Last Edit: August 10, 2007, 02:09:25 PM by milker »
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Andy101

  • Member
  • Posts: 33
  • Hello there,, How are ya ???
Re: Image
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2007, 10:09:42 PM »
Please note extract from "Rules".

"We are not excluding anyone from participating here, but we do ask that you be mindful of the special needs for which this particular Forum has been established."

That said,

Tigger, as you have so rightly said,, you do have all the answers, and yes I belive that you are asking the correct questions,, but the answers you get to those questins will fluctuate with your mood at the time of asking. Maybe you are asking a pretty straight forward question to which you do have the simple correct answer, but it may just be that your mind is slightly clouded with other stuff you have going on that is not directly related to the question asked.

You know I will always be here for you hun to chat for england at what ever un-godly time it is,,I think it does us both good, and as you know my thoughts may not be what yo want to hear,, but you know tah tey are said with a passion that I truely believe.

As I have said before babes,, yo just need to take a step back and focus on one issue at a time,, but as we both know , you have so much going on,, thats not always easy to do,, so just take it slowly babes, one day at a time,, one issue at a time, and together (you, me and ALL of your other great mates of here) we will get through this.

A poem for a bloody good friend.

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
from your values, from me.
I can only talk to you and comfort you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only care for you and be your friend.

Catch you soon babes,,

« Last Edit: August 11, 2007, 10:11:33 PM by Andy101 »
still thinking about this one !!!

Offline zachysmom

  • Member
  • Posts: 112
Re: Image
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2007, 11:50:49 PM »
Oh tigger,
I feel exactly the same way.
I've managed to gain weight, instead of taking it off. I tell my doc, everytime I see her, that next time I see her I'll be thinner, and low and behold I'm fatter. I do know it's from a lack of exercise ( the fatter I get the less I exercise, vicious cycle I know), and I've also become some what A Foodie. I really like to eat good food, and go out to eat.

so let's do something together ( and anyone else who would like to join feel free).........Propostion.
Let's start our own Weigh Watchers club, just for us on the forum, positive folk only. We can share receipes and weeky meal planning, and exercise tips and goals.

You want to lose the excess weight in an healthy way, let's do it.

What would you say?
I'll start a thread about it....

From Russia with love,

Offline mudman8

  • Member
  • Posts: 115
Re: Image
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2007, 04:31:48 PM »
Too bad about your weight problem and the complication of diabetes. More power to yuo. Weight for a guy isn't as much of a problem. For a few years I was taking Zyprexa because a side effect was good sleep but I gained 30 lbs. Once I went over 200 I really didn't like it. I found out that there is a problem with carbs on that pill so I tried to take out carbs. it lowered me about 7-10 lbs.

I switched psych Drs and he took me off zyprexa and the weight just melted off. Now I'm a normal 180 but still have the bigger stomach than I had 10 years ago. I try to walk but am making too many excuses.

I'd say try to get into a group of weight watchers type with teh background of diabetes. They'll understand your problems and make supportive friends. Eat right and exercise. Walking is best and least expensive. I tried gyms but being out an about is best for me. I take stairs instead of elevators.

Hope you can find some help, keep us posted
Life is analog

Offline tigger2376

  • Member
  • Posts: 462
  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: Image
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2007, 06:34:15 PM »
Think 'weightwatchers' idea brilliant, a metaphorical boot up the bum would sure help! Am starting insulin probably tomorrow,am told that can make you gain weight too...trying to keep a SOH, would definately rather be fat than not around, but its hard to take yet more shit the virus keeps on chucking at me
Havent drowned in the poo yet though,and thought that maybe we can get something going support wise seems a way forward. Does someone want to start a thread re this or we can do here? (wont feel hijacked, but maybe this needs its own space)
Thanks so much for everyones help and support
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!


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