Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
November 19, 2017, 11:17:01 PM

Login with username, password and session length

  • Total Posts: 722489
  • Total Topics: 58710
  • Online Today: 336
  • Online Ever: 1421
  • (August 13, 2016, 05:18:44 AM)
Users Online
Users: 3
Guests: 310
Total: 313


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: 20 and starting to have questions...  (Read 3992 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline unseenparagon

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
20 and starting to have questions...
« on: August 04, 2007, 06:52:57 PM »
Hi.  Like I mentioned in my first thread, I am 20 and tested positive two weeks ago.  I am starting to have questions...
Like is there a day that goes by that you don't think about it?  Is there anything for the pain when you tell your boyfriend and he leaves?  Do you continue to date; what if you gave it to someone- how horrible you would feel.  How long do I have?  My levels were good, but not great--how fast do they fall?  Do you drop everything and tour the world...find a list of the best 200 authors and read all their books...tan everyday and fuck cancer...smoke and drink...work out and be as healthy as possible...tell people and inform...keep silent and alone...live...die...will i ever have sex again...is the brain fog that my antidepressant gives me going to go away...is my mom going to have to bury her child...am i never going to have children...is it ok to cry...

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: 20 and starting to have questions...
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2007, 07:59:55 PM »

all those questions have been going through my head after diagnosis, they are perfectly normal questions. You will think "hiv" every second of your day, as soon as you wake up, but trust me, this stops. For me it lasted two weeks, for others it's a shorter or a longer period. It stopped when I went on vacation to see friends because they got me distracted. I can tell you that when you stop thinking about it as something that will ruin your life and switch to thinking about it as something that you will control and will NOT ruin your life, your future feels a lot more joyous :)

All of your questions have already been answered in those forums. Take a deep breath, and read what has been said before. You will recognize your fears in other's first posts, and see how they regain control of the situation. It's not easy, but it is totally possible.

Avoid scouring the internet for answers, this is the worst thing to do, because you will find what you want to hear, not the reality of living with hiv, which certainly does not have to mean thinking about death and horrible things every minute.

mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline JamieD

  • Member
  • Posts: 259
Re: 20 and starting to have questions...
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2007, 04:41:17 AM »
I am only 21, so I am in a your age group.

"Like is there a day that goes by that you don't think about it?"

I would suppose eventually, yes, but not for a long time.

"Is there anything for the pain when you tell your boyfriend and he leaves?"

No. The same thing happened to me. Just try to realise that you were better off without the person anyway. My ex said to me "I don't think I could be with you because I don't like to use condoms".... where exactly was that relationship going to go anyway if that was reason enough to end it? Not very far.
You could also Rear End the Bastard's car and drive away. Not saying I did this, but it certainly crossed my mind on an occassion or two or three or a lot.

"Do you continue to date; what if you gave it to someone- how horrible you would feel?"

Yes. I don't think I would be in a relationship with someone unless they understood all the risks involved in it. I would therefore not feel bad because they made an informed decision.

"How long do I have?"

The doctors, and the scientific data, say you've got quite a long time. I found out not too long ago, too, and I had a CD4 count of 68, which means I had progressed to "AIDS". Everyone who I have spoken to, my neurologist, my two infectious disease specialists, and my primary care physician, all say that I am not going to die of any sort of disease any time soon.
They are all in agreement, though, that my level of stress will kill me before anything else does. Whether I am HIV+ or not.

Try to take things easy. Make sure you are sleeping right, and eating right. Those two will atleast help to ensure that you are thinking clearly and best prepared to make decisions for yourself. It is very hard to see the forest through the tress when you haven't sleepen or eaten very much in a while.

I have a lot of the same questions you have asked. I won't tell you I am sorry for what happened, because it won't help anything. Just keep your head up and keep on moving. PM me if you like. Sorry I am being short. It's 5 am (almost) and I am trying to make myself sleepy.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2007, 04:46:14 AM by JamieD »

Offline zeb

  • Member
  • Posts: 172
Re: 20 and starting to have questions...
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2007, 08:00:35 PM »
@ paragon

This place is excellent for asking questions. But you can also ask the experts on www.thebody.com. I know how you feel, yes this feeling sucks. But some folks tell me that hiv is more a mindfucker instead of a killing disease when you have access to treatment care (and thank god you seem to have access).
I really had images of this disease like Angels in America. Not that it's a 'piece of cake disease' now. But it seems that the vast majority of folks living with it do fine. Take care Paragon.

@ jamie

Yeah, this stress sucks. But the words of your docs are encouraging. Take care!

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: 20 and starting to have questions...
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2007, 04:48:02 AM »
zeb, for your information there are more people on AIDSMEDS with HIV than there are at the body and might I say with more experience.


Terms of Membership for these forums

© 2017 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.