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Author Topic: A mom's worries  (Read 3334 times)

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Offline ProudMom

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A mom's worries
« on: July 10, 2007, 07:44:17 PM »
Can someone tell me how to stop this damned internal clock of mine. No matter what is going on in my life or what I am doing, I know when my son is about to go to the doctor for his checkup and lab results. I called him today just to ask if the appointment was coming up or was I just going crazy. He lives about 300 miles from me so I only get to see him periodically, so I can't see for myself all the time how his health is. He is my only child and no matter what positive things I read about advances in HIV treatment I still worry so much that some how he will be taken away from me. I love my son with all my heart and soul, but this all seems to be too much for me at times.
He is in a good relationship now with a wonderful young man that I have come to love as my own. I know that he makes sure my son takes good care of himself and I truly love him for his kindness, understanding and support.
Am I just a meddlesome Mom ? Are there other Moms out there who can give me some advice ?
Any help would be greatly appreciated as this subject stays privately in our home as my son doesn't want other people to know about it.
Thank you,
Proud Mom

Offline RapidRod

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Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2007, 09:25:09 PM »
Proud, relax, you're probably giving more thought into this than you son. He will let you know if things are not going right. You and him sound like you have the same relationship I had with my mother. There is nothing anyone can say to stop the worries of a mother, even if their child is as healthy as a lark and hiv negative.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2007, 09:25:37 PM »

It sounds to me like you are being a Mom and considering he is your only child being maybe a bit overprotective. I mean that in a good way, of course. It is good that there is someone in his life that has his best interest at heart. How does he feel about you asking? I know when I see my mother, since she knows I am poz, she always asks how I'm doing. When she does, I discuss my last apoointment with her and she is usually satisfied.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline David_CA

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Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2007, 10:56:20 PM »

You're doing nothing bad; your just being a mom.  Reading what you wrote makes me realize even more how hard this crap must be for my mom (and sister and dad) to deal with.  It's one of the things I hate most about it.  From what you write, it doesn't sound like you're being meddlesome or annoying.  My mom (and the rest of my family) ask how my numbers are, if the meds are having bad side effects, how I feel, etc.  It doesn't bother me, and they're all careful not 'pry' too much, although I've told them all to ask whatever they need to ask.  After all, they're suffering from my being HIV+ too.  If my mom didn't do these things, I'd be worse off emotionally.  I guess seeing how much the few people who know I'm HIV+ care is really the ONLY good thing I can see that's come from my diagnosis.  I can't advise you from a mother's viewpoint, but as a son, I'd appreciate what you're doing - being a mom.  Take care.

Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
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08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
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05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
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Offline Buckmark

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Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2007, 11:05:29 PM »
You don't sound like a "meddlesome" mother to me.  You just sound like you are concerned
for your son's health and well-being, which seems perfectly normal to me.  I wish I had a mother
to be there for me, in the way that you are there for your son.

Obviously, I can't give you another Mom's perspective on this.  You might want consider posting
this in the "Someone I Care About Has HIV" forum.


"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline ndrew

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  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2007, 12:51:53 AM »
Will you be my Mom 2?  You are wonderful!!

Best wishes,

Offline Jnm594

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Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #6 on: July 11, 2007, 12:52:25 AM »
Fron another Only son's perspective My Mother irritates the pure living hell out of me sometimes asking about doctor's visits, how I'm feeling, etc....

And I might snipe at her but truth be told I LOVE it and her because it shows me how much she loves and cares about me.

It only gets really irritating when she starts the "Have you met someone yet? You're not getting any younger dear."

She's totally batshit and I love her to death.

Your son is very lucky. Of course he'll never tell you how much he appreciates your "meddling"!
When it gets hard I always listen to my favorite song of all time..........


Offline ProudMom

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Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2007, 02:02:15 AM »
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and caring. I would be proud to have any of you for my children; I truly mean that.
Proud Mom

Offline indyguy

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Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2007, 02:06:33 AM »
I lost my mom 12 years ago. You sound allot like her. Your son is lucky to have such a great and understanding mother. I hope your son has a great visit and wish you both the very best.
Meds doing well so far.

Offline Dragonette

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Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2007, 08:08:00 AM »
you sound like a great mom. I feel very guilty about my parents worrying and suffering over me.
it was such a shock for them. the only "advantage" was that my mom's best friend's brother is poz for something like 20 years now, and doing fine, so she immediately called her, and she also heard through her of others who are doing fine. and that's what you should keep in mind. whenever you feel the fear, try to look at people who are poz for many years who are ok. I know it sounds wierd, but whenever I start feeling scared that I won't make it, I think of Magic Johnson (never mind that I am angry with his campaign for Kaletra). he is just the famous example, but there are many people on these forums that I think of, like Ann & Mark for example, when I start to project my fears unto the future...
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline woodshere

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Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2007, 08:43:00 AM »
I think you're a great mom!!!  I haven't told mine yet, simply because she would be just like you.  Your son and I are very lucky!!

Best to you and your son,
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Peter6836

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  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #11 on: July 13, 2007, 10:20:48 AM »
As a parent myself I can relate to what you are saying. It is natural for us to worry about you children. Your a good parent, keep loving your son and his partner. Keep being concerned about him. Just relax and do not let your worry make you sick. Your son is lucky to have a wonderful caring parent like you. I am sure that he knows that also and appreciates your constant concern.
Bless you both, if he keeps doing all the right things like you say he is he should live a good long life. Enjoy your son, and just keep loving him.
I  know the love of a good parent, and try to be one as well.

Offline MoltenStorm

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Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #12 on: July 13, 2007, 02:27:11 PM »
Dear ProudMom,

You don't sound like you're being 'meddlesome' at all. You're just being a mom. Worrying just comes with the "mom" package. It's very clear that you love your son, and that is a very good thing. If I were him, I'd rather have a mom that cared and worried about me than one that didn't care at all - or at least, didn't show that she cared. I would definitely echo what others have already said; you're son is a very lucky man to have you for his mother. Keep doing what you're doing. He may never say it, but I'm sure he appreciates your inquiries into how he's doing. It shows that you care, and there's nothing wrong with that - nothing whatsoever.

I know when I told my mom about my status (I'm her oldest), the next day it looked like she'd bought out the entire fruit, vegetable, and green tea sections of our nearest supermarket. It might seem like a minor incident to someone else, but to me, it definitely drove the point home that she did really love me and wanted me around for a long, long time. It was one of those personally touching moments for me.

Now, I just wish my mom was so accepting of my sexuality, but that's another issue entirely. :)

You're doing great. :) He appreciates it.

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #13 on: July 14, 2007, 03:49:49 AM »
Ah, how lovely to see a mother's love for her son. Is there anything more beautiful on this Earth?

Positive since 1985

Offline Lisa

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Re: A mom's worries
« Reply #14 on: July 14, 2007, 07:31:52 AM »
Hi mom,
I'm a mom too, I have twin 25 y/o sons, and a 24 y/o daughter.
I have always been a straight talk kinda mom, and advised my kids about sex and condoms before they reached puberty.
One of my sons lives with me now, and he has not been tested for any STD's. We have discussed it, and he wants me to go with him, but he fortuitously lets it lapse from his mind.
We will be going to the County Health Department in the coming week.
I worry about my kids too. It is inherent as a part of parenthood.
I fully understand your son's wishes pertaining to privacy, and I would never disclose a conversation that any one of my kids asked to be kept private.
My children have always been able to come to me with any problem, and I would never broach their privacy.
You are not meddlesome, just concerned.
Best wishes for you, and your son...... :-*   :-*
« Last Edit: July 14, 2007, 07:33:32 AM by Lisa »
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.


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