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Author Topic: worries and lack of concentration  (Read 3333 times)

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Offline zeb

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  • Posts: 172
worries and lack of concentration
« on: June 21, 2007, 06:28:03 PM »
Hi all,

Despite all the positive input I get like: 'It ain't a picnic but you will live for decades in good health when you have acces to treatment care' I can't help it that I still am worried very much.
Each morning I feel like I want to stay in bed, but I do get out;
Everytime I see my kids I'm happy and sad at the same time;
And I really have troubles focusing during work, and that also makes me scared. Because when I don't have enough income I risk financial troubles.

It still sounds so unbelievable to me that people who have acces to treatment care and take care of themselves can live for decades in good helath. It seems that I simply don't buy it and that I'm worried sick.

I wonder how you are doing? do you have faith? Do you work on a carreer?

Let me know.


Offline vegaslocal39

  • Member
  • Posts: 50
Re: worries and lack of concentration
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2007, 06:57:30 PM »
Hi zeb,

I was diagnosed in May of 1994 and went on meds about 9 or 10 years later....one of the lucky ones who was able to delay meds.

I remember feeling exactly as you do.  It takes time to get used to dealing with something like this.  Soon, you will find that life keeps going and the world keeps spinning with or without you.  You can either get up, get dressed, and get on with your life, or you can stay in bed and not do anything.  Which would you really rather do?

It's easy to get overwhelmed.  You know that feeling you get when you lean back in a chair and it begins to tip, but you catch yourself just in time?  That little jolt of adrenaline?  I used to get that jolt every time I would think about my diagnosis.

But I just kept getting up and getting on with life.  Each day it became a little easier to deal with.  Now there are days when I hardly give it a thought

You'll get there.  As my relatives from Texas say, "Just keep steppin'".  And if you don't feel like you can do it alone, don't be afraid to seek counseling and/or medical assistance.

Hang in there.


Offline Tempeboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 359
  • Like St Francis of Assisi I am wedded to Poverty
Re: worries and lack of concentration
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2007, 07:20:48 PM »
Interesting fact sheet, might be helpful.


take care.
Roughly roundabout somewhere in the eighteenth or nineteenth century, Sodomite begat Homosexual out of moral, medical and legal models, bequeathing him Identity, who inbred with Nuclear Family and Industrialism to spawn Homophobia.

Dean Kiley

Offline cokaine

  • Member
  • Posts: 42
Re: worries and lack of concentration
« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2007, 07:35:02 PM »
Hey Zeb

I think you and I are in the same boat. Despite all the advances science has made and the potential drugs in the making I often feel isolated from believing it. Everything is so uncertain having AIDS but what keeps me motivated is that I have my complete body functioning and I will take advantage of it and do as much as I can like I normally would be. When I told my family I was HIV positive they told me that although AIDS has no cure, I would be the one who will determine how fast it was going to kill if I let myself go. It seems so cliche to say "one is in control of one's body" but it is mostly true. Focus on the choices you can make to continue living a happy life with what you can do such as going to your docs appts, not harming your body with excessive drugs/alcohol, nutrition/exercise and positive energy. I refuse to live my life in fear because I've had plenty of family and known ones who have quickly passed away from car accidents/diseases and other things and they lived their last days without the fear of death so why should I? I am certain I will be alive for decades and when I do get an OI or feel severely sick then I will have no choice then to be prepared for the worse but until then why bother? You have kids around you and they will know when you are happy or sad so that should motivate you more to keep a positive outlook in life as much as you can.
« Last Edit: June 21, 2007, 07:36:51 PM by cokaine »

Offline zeb

  • Member
  • Posts: 172
Re: worries and lack of concentration
« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2007, 11:30:14 AM »
well guys,

Thank for your replies. Today I was on the body (again). And I found this quote which really helps me a lot:


This really sounds so encouraging! These kinds of messages really do help me a lot!


Offline Central79

  • Member
  • Posts: 527
Re: worries and lack of concentration
« Reply #5 on: June 25, 2007, 12:02:29 PM »
Hey Zeb

I can totally relate to your post - I am having a similar problem, and 18 months after diagnosis am still looking around at how other people are doing with HIV for comfort and to maybe give me an idea of how well I might do, or the problems I might have.

I think this searching comes from a similar perspective that you have - getting hung up on the uncertainty of a lifetime on medication (eventually) and whether they're going to work forever, or not.

I guess that although we only have 10 years of HAART data I look at a couple of things. I look at the research news on this site, aidsmap and others and see the regular steps that are made in research, understanding and treating HIV - the development of whole new classes of drugs, better formulations, and novel therapies like gene therapy and RNA interference. I also look at the improvement in prognosis today as compared to even just 5 years ago - how the death rates are falling, and continue to fall, year on year. I take hope in this for the future.

Lastly, I look at long-term survivors and how surprised some of them are to be here - and how that gratitude informs how they live their lives and how some get more out of them as a result. I'm determined not to stop living now because of what might happen in the future - that really is a premature death.

Diagnosed January 2006
26/1/06 - 860 (22%), VL > 500,000
24/4/06 - 820 (24.6%), VL 158,000
13/7/06 - 840 (22%), VL 268,000
1/11/06 - 680 (21%), VL 93,100
29/1/07 - 1,020 (27.5%), VL 46,500
15/5/07 - 1,140 (22.8%), VL not done.
13/10/07 - 759 (23.2%), VL 170,000
6/11/07 - 630 (25%), VL 19,324
14/1/08 - 650 (21%), VL 16,192
15/4/08 - 590 (21%), VL 40, 832

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: worries and lack of concentration
« Reply #6 on: June 25, 2007, 12:38:13 PM »
I say this out of respect and concern, you have started many threads that deal with how long you are going to live as an HIV+ person or something in this genre.  I do believe it is important to discuss these things as well as seek advice and support.  However, no matter what people say in the forums you continue to focus on this issue.  Things don't seem to be improving and I site this
It still sounds so unbelievable to me that people who have acces to treatment care and take care of themselves can live for decades in good helath. It seems that I simply don't buy it and that I'm worried sick.

This worry and stress you continue to deal with is not good for you.  Are you seeking support elsewhere as in a support group or in private therapy.  I know it doesn't work for all people, but if you haven't tried it maybe you should.  Dealing with this issue will allow you more time to focus on your children and other important things in your life.

Best to you,
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Dragonette

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  • Posts: 1,190
  • Spring symptoms
    • NotPerfectAtAll
Re: worries and lack of concentration
« Reply #7 on: June 25, 2007, 12:49:22 PM »

are you talking to someone at the hospital, a social worker perhaps or a chronic disease psychologist? I am getting a lot of support from both even though I see them just about once a month.

worries, lack of concentration - I have them on & off. less with time but still there. like with anything in life, you can constantly worry or just... accept. I worry about my parents, war, economic situation, my relationship, job, will I ever have kids, if so how can I take care of them, my physical appearance, side effects of meds, AIDS. Throw in breast cancer too... HIV things are just part of my worries but it's as though the diagnosis activated a lot of other issues.

Part of the reason is, we want to control and solve everything. But it is impossible. From using HIV forums I have seen how cumpulsively anxious parents can be about their kids from questions like "can I send my kid to a sewing class what if he gets pricked by a needle used by a poz child" (I kid you not, it is that farfetched). Anxeity... is part of the game. The more things we have in life, the more we want to hold unto them. Beautiful women fear aging, rich people fear not being able to maintain their lifestyle, everyone fears loneliness, poverty, and lack of esteem.

You know what no one is immune from the turbulences of life, poz or neg. Anything can happen for better or worse.

So far though you have been your own best friend and handled your diagnosis well, with responsibility, you didn't slip into self destructive habits. You are strong. You have reacted positively to a difficult situation. You have already done this and no one can change this acheievment. Beleive in yourself... no one knows what the future holds. Just look at the history of the last 10 years... we are just handling life. Just living. I think you will live the best you can for as long as you can. You will react the best way for you to any problem. You will be OK. Why not?
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline zeb

  • Member
  • Posts: 172
Re: worries and lack of concentration
« Reply #8 on: June 25, 2007, 01:36:36 PM »
Hi folks (and especially Dragonette and Woods),

What really helps me a lot is talking to other poz people. I met someone special in Sweden and she's so upbeat (besides the fact that she's very special to me) and she lives life to the fullest.

For your information, I fel much better now (or les worse) than in the beginning. So I guess it will get better. Each morning I kiss my little kids and I have (I hate the 'hit by a bus' comparision)). But it's not like one click with the fingers and it's gone. It seems that time heals wounds (lot of time).

I mean: in the beginning I even wasnt sure if I would see my kids grow up. Now I have some kind of gut feeling I will. But... it's more than just life expactancy. I mean, sometimes when I'm with the kids on the playground and see other parents, I feel like: 'Me and the rest of the world'.

Well I notice I'm rambling... But it's like peeling onions. First the worries of how long, then the social issues, the secrecy and so on. Well, it's overwhelming.

But! I appreciate your way of how you look at things. I mean, I know I should live life to the fullest. Now I must start feeling it. I mean: It really would be stupid to find out that I didn't when I'm in my 70's  :P

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,058
Re: worries and lack of concentration
« Reply #9 on: June 25, 2007, 03:03:02 PM »
When I found out in 1985 I was told there was no hope so I gave up hope and went on about a ten year bender. It allowed me to wallow in self pity and travel the road to self destruction. I never made one plan for the future and lived every day proving it. I tried suicide, drink and drugs all to no avail and beat myself up for not even being able to kill myself. I won't go into the details of how I climbed out of that dark pit but I did. Today, twenty-two years later if you met me on the street or in a bar or came in to my business you would have no clue I was HIV+. I can tell you if I had children when I tested positive they would be adults now...if I had put away the money I spent on drugs I would have a nice nest egg for my retirement. If, if, if, I only would have...you see my friend twenty-two years is a blink of an eye.

So now because of these damn meds and thinking I had no future I will end up killing myself working until I drop instead of enjoying a retirement. Plan for your children's future and quit worrying so much about today.

edited: cuz I was on a bender when I misspelled binder.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2007, 05:39:24 PM by Dachshund »

Offline SASA39

  • Member
  • Posts: 694
Re: worries and lack of concentration
« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2007, 04:13:41 PM »
We would all apreciate to tell us how to climb from those dark pit Dachshund .
Any advice is valuable.
12. Oct`06.  CD4=58 %  VL not issued
25.Dec.`06.         203     VL= 0
25.Dec`06.- 19.Oct`16 :
various ups & downs- mostly ups - from 58-916 and back in #CD and few blips in VL.
19.Oct`16     CD4=644      VL=0


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