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Author Topic: Positive bf  (Read 8822 times)

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Offline rosalux

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Positive bf
« on: May 08, 2007, 05:32:56 AM »
Im new to this forum. Ive been reading the posts for a long time, but this is my first post. Im in a pos-neg relationship. My boyfriend is positive and Im neg. We havent been togheter for a very long time, but Ive known him for quite some time. I knew he was pos before we got togheter, and that has never been a problem for me. Im really just looking for someone in the same situation to talk to. None of my friends have experience with a pos-neg relationship and even though me and my bf can talk about everything, it would be nice to hear from someone in the same situation. Since we havent been togheter for a very long time, maybe someone can tell me a little about how it is to be in a long term relationship. Me and my bf practice safe sex, but we dont use protection when we have oral sex. Does anybody else use condoms during oral?

Right now I cant find anything else to ask or say, but I want to thank everybody on this forum. Your posts have given me many answers. And its so good to know that there is others out there in my situation or likely situations. So thank you  :)

Offline milker

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Re: Positive bf
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2007, 11:09:12 AM »
Hello rosalux,

welcome to the forums :)

Most of the serodiscordant people (isn't there a nicer name for serodiscordant ???) I see on here do not use condoms for oral, but take precautions to not get cum in the mouth.

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Offline antibody

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Re: Positive bf
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2007, 07:17:57 PM »
i am positive and my boyfriend is negative. we have been together 4 years. we don't use condoms for oral. he rarely preforms oral on me but i give him head all the time. he is the top and me the bottom. we use condoms when he tops me. he is a great support to me. mister wonderful. relationships are a 2 way street, we take care of each other and do have our disagreements but talk past them like adults. we really have fun together. i never thought i could be treated so good with a positive diagnosis.
Timbuk      <50/ 794  CD4 10/06 
                 <50/ 1096 CD4 3/07
                 <40/ 1854 CD4 4/09

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Offline Fireman73

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Re: Positive bf
« Reply #3 on: May 11, 2007, 01:17:52 AM »
Hi I was in a serodiscodant relationship for three years - he was poz I was neg - We always had safe sex apart for the oral.  Eventhough we were very careful, I ended up getting infected. It was mystery then on how the transmition could of happened but after doing more reading - there were other mistakes done - the sharing of a razor, thooth brush and even the straw for snorting coke could of been entry points for the virus. We have the tendency to only think of safe sex pratices - but widen your scoop of risk factors.

Offline antibody

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Re: Positive bf
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2007, 12:54:41 PM »
for sure. we don't kiss for about 30 minutes after brushing and flossing. we never share a razor. use a Q-tip for anything that might pass transmission.
Timbuk      <50/ 794  CD4 10/06 
                 <50/ 1096 CD4 3/07
                 <40/ 1854 CD4 4/09

Started Atripla  7/14/06
Switched to boosted Reyataz Truvada 3/28/07

*Ask me about Medical Marijuana and how it can help you!*

Offline rosalux

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Re: Positive bf
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2007, 08:02:26 AM »
Thank you so much for your answers. Im not really worried about geting infected, of course I know there is a very small possibility, but thats a risk Im willing to take to be with him.

Im a little disapointed today. My bf newest labs wherent as I hoped they would be, his CD4 was just 60... He also had PCP a couple of months ago. I know it can take some time before the numbers go up, but I was just so sure they would be higher...

I just want to say it again, this forum is really great. Its so nice to be able to "talk" to others in the same situation and read about theire thoughts and feelings, so thanks again  :)

Offline megasept

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Re: Positive bf
« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2007, 01:55:43 PM »
Im new to this forum. Ive been reading the posts for a long time, but this is my first post. Im in a pos-neg relationship. My boyfriend is positive and Im neg..Me and my bf practice safe sex, but we dont use protection when we have oral sex. Does anybody else use condoms during oral?

Hi. I was in a several year sero-discordant relationship (He's neg). First off, he's STILL NEG, years later, so whatever we did (or didn't do) protected him just fine. Second, we used rubbers for intercourse, BUT NOT ORAL SEX. I strongly endorse the oral sex info on this site. So, that's my two cents. Since that's about as graphic as I like to get in public, you may PM me if you wish a more detailed conversation. HAVE FUN! 8)  -megasept

Offline med forum

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Re: Positive bf
« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2007, 08:25:24 AM »
Hey there   :)
I just wanted to drop a quick note to say hi......I'm been in a relationship for three years now with my boyfriend who found out he was positive just over a year ago. I am negative. Towards the beginning when he found out, we seemed to talk about it more, but lately I've noticed that he doesn't really want to bring up the subject since he's been doing really well for a while now. His CD4 is in the 600's and viral load is undetectable. Once of my concerns is his stress level.....he works in a very stressful environment and we all know that stress is an awful thing that can bring about so many OTHER things healthwise and so forth.

I understand what you're saying when you mention that it's great to be able to "talk" to others who are in the same situation....I find it to be really frustrating much of the time to talk to some of my friends and family because they really have no idea what the both of us are going through. My boyfriend has disclosed his health to a few people none of whom are family and I've only told one friend of mine so you see, it's sometimes a struggle. Have you told your family?

Any questions, feel free to let me know!

Take care of yourself and your boyfriend
Peace & health

Offline rosalux

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Re: Positive bf
« Reply #8 on: July 04, 2007, 12:54:09 PM »
Thanks for all the replies :-)

I was wondering if any of you whos in a pos-neg relationship get tested regulary? My doctor recomended geting tested once a year..

Offline bear60

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Re: Positive bf
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2007, 01:51:08 PM »
I think that it is most commonly recommended for you to be tested once a year.  I am HIV positive and I only get blood drawn once a year because I am a Long Term Non Progressor.....but when noone knew this I had blood drawn every 6 months.  Many get blood drawn every 3 months to monitor their condition.  But you are healthy and do not need any more than one test a year.

modified to add: Were you thinking you would not need to be tested? That would be dangerous.  You should be tested once a year.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2007, 01:53:43 PM by bear60 »
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Offline rosalux

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Re: Positive bf
« Reply #10 on: July 05, 2007, 07:16:57 AM »

Thanks for the reply. No, I didnt think I dont need to be tested, I was just wondering on how often its recomended. Since me and my boyfriend are practicing safer sex I dont think Im at risk, but of cource, there is always a chance for something to happend.

Offline Ann

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Re: Positive bf
« Reply #11 on: July 05, 2007, 07:53:20 AM »
Hi Rosa,

When my (negative) partner and I discovered my status, he got tested every three months the first year. That dropped off to twice a year as we gained confidence in the safety of our activities, then once a year... and recently he hasn't been tested in quite some time. (and I suppose I should remind him he should test again sometime...) We've been together eight years and we've known my status for six and a half of them.

But yes, once a year is the standard recommendation. Other than that, you should be tested three months past any accident, such as a broken condom. However, if you're using condoms correctly, that should never be a problem. Check out the three condom and lube links in my signature line.


PS - if you do have a condom break despite your efforts, you can get something known as PEP - post-exposure prophylaxis. It means taking antiretrovirals for 28 days and has to be started no more than 72 hours after the incident, with the optimal timing being no more than 48 hours after. Let us know if you want more information on PEP. You might also consider talking to his doctor about PEP and when its use would be indicated.

« Last Edit: July 05, 2007, 07:59:10 AM by Ann »
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Offline tester8888

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  • 32,wm, gay, hiv neg at 7 weeks, friend is newly +
Re: Positive bf
« Reply #12 on: July 29, 2007, 08:21:56 PM »
Hey Rosalux,
   I know what that is like because I am going thru it right now.

Met a man on the net 1 month ago, and had him over for a hook-up.  Strangest trick I had ever had as we sit on the couch and talked for 4 hours before ever doing the deed.  We have become very good friends and fuck buds since then.  He has just moved here from out of state about 3 or 4 months ago, and really does not know many people.  I had began taking him to meet my friends, showing him the local scene, and helping him get established in the community. We had some very great sex 3 times, and have found that we are becoming great friends.

 I have told him from day 1 that I am not interested in an LTR or even dating, as back in Feb. my husband of 5 years came in from work one day and told me we were thru, the house was in his name, and I needed to move out so my replacement could move in.  I was crushed.  Went on and had rebound bf -jerk-, and am now not interested in dating or anything like that.  He has pushed for this but I have resisted.    Anyway.

We had met every night for 2 solid weeks for something either taking him out with my friends, or dinner, or a quikie or what have you. Trying to help him enjoy his new hometown.

Last Wednesday he brought me a letter he had received from Dept of Health saying he had a serious health issue and needed to contact them.  He was frantic.  I was as good a friend as I knew how to be, and am glad that we had an established friendship, as he told me that he did not know anyone else at all, and that right now I was the best friend he had that was anywhere around.

On Thursday afternoon he went to Dept of Health.  They informed him that he had donated blood 5 weeks prior and that it tested positive for HIV.  In Jan of this year he had tested Neg for HIV.   He called me back and told me the news.  I let him know that nothing had changed between us.  We were still friends, we would still hang out, that the bedroom was not off  limits, that I knew people in the local Aids Assistance foundations, that my friends would not treat him any differently, and that I already knew a few local boys that were also positive. I then hit the www looking for info about HIV; both for him and me.  Also made an appt with my Doc and had hiv test drawn (not because it would yet show if I had exposure from him, but because I had not had one in 3 years).  Was offered PEP, but opted out.  Information gleaned from the net, and this WONDERFUL site made me feel that I was pretty safe.

Last night he came over and we cuddled while watching Sordid Lives dvd.  It was a wonderful evening and I am glad that we had it.  I still dont want a bf, and it has nothing to do with the hiv.

Today he came over to help me with the redecorating of my new home.  That moment finally came that I was so dreading, but oh-so looking forward to........the possibility of sex.  I had already decided that some things were going to have to be a bit different, and that once I knew he was on meds I would probably feel more comfortable being with him sexually.  We had 2 encounters.  The first one I would not give bj.  I know that it is not that risky of a practice, but I have a lot of things going on that are causing me fear with the whole situation.  The second encounter I did give bj, and really dont feel like I put myself at any risk at all.
I cant help but feel fear right now, I am still in the shock phase of the situation.  And as I said, once he is on meds, I will feel better about being with him sexually.

To add insult to injury though, I still am not looking for ltr.  When he made a comment about me being his bf, I felt like wilting away.  I am going to have to have some serious conversations with him about how the fact that we dont have a ltr, but rather just a friendship, does not have anything to do with his hiv status.  I am not averse to certain safe sexual activities with him, but am really dreading the day we have to have the 'we are not bf's, just friends with benefits' conversation, and make sure that he knows it has nothing to do with hiv. I hope that he can understand this and take it well.  He has many great attributes and will be a great friend that I would hate to loose, especially over a misunderstanding.

Anyway, I have rambled on and on and on.   I know that I was very thankful to find this site, as when I hit it just a few days ago, I was  very scared, an absoloute nut case.  I would do anything in the world to make this nightmare go away for him.  I am doing everything I can to be there for him.     -End of rambling-

Good Luck to you    :-*
7 weeks post exposure, tested HIV Negative.

Be Kind To Everyone You Meet, For You Do Not Know What Battles They Have Fought That Day.

Offline Falkore

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Re: Positive bf
« Reply #13 on: August 27, 2007, 03:48:10 AM »
I have been there before... on both sides of the coin.  My last boyfriend and I had been together for 8 months when I tested positive for HIV.  We had first used condoms every time, but as the relationship continued, we didn't maintain that.  I was always the top and would often ejaculate inside him.  However, when he tested then, and for over a year later, he still was HIV negative.  Our relationship was very rocky due to the HIV and his inability to stay faithful, but that's neither here nor there.  In all honesty, we had more issue with his diabeties than my HIV. 

When we found out, we gave him a  choice, my friend and I, to leave now or stay.  He agreed to stay with me.  At that moment I fell totally in love with him.  I felt like he would be there for me no matter what.  Thankfully the truth came out long before I needed him and now things have improved. 

It is possible to have this type of relationship.  Just because it didn't work in my case does not mean that it won't work at all.  There is hope, just do what you have been doing and be totally honest.
"Ain't no shame in my flame"
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