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Author Topic: Where am I??  (Read 3670 times)

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Offline pozguy75

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,239
    • POZitively Speaking
Where am I??
« on: April 26, 2007, 03:50:33 PM »
I have been lost...emotionally lost...

Here's the analogy for you all:

Have you designed a document from scratch? You know, where you have blank, white screen staring you right in the face, with nothing but a blinking cursor? Then you try to plan a layout on the screen and nothing you do seems to fit? You try different shapes, fonts, colors...and still nothing...

Well, that's me...I am that blank white screen...void of color, energy, ambition, and mainly direction.


2.5 years ago, I was given my HIV diagnosis, and a year ago, I ended a 9 year relationship on good (reasonably  good) terms. And most recently I found that I am HEP C positive as well...One good thing though, is I am seeing a very nice guy...and oh am I attracted to him...physically and emotionally...I really like him!

Yet, I still feel isolated and alone...DEPRESSION has settled in and for the first time in my life, I feel real terror! I see a therapist on Tuesday...my first appointment...I am sure after several sessions, I will be feeling close to normal again...but hey, it takes time.

I want to apologize to my AIDSMEDS family for not reaching out here earlier, and for not checking in. I truly miss you all and this place, and I need to come back daily to get back to my routine of mixing it up with my peeps!

Today, I ask for you to be lean post...just a for awhile...I will be coming back on a more regular basis...I need my foundation back...and this place gives me a that cornerstone to build upon!

I just needed to check in to let you know I am okay and to cry a little...

Thank you all!
Dx 2005

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,361
  • His name is Carl.
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2007, 04:06:53 PM »
So happy to hear from you again, babe. 

My thoughts are with you & hope you get feeling right as rain again really fast.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2007, 04:23:27 PM »
Hey Jer,

D and I were just talking about you the other day.  It's good to hear from you, but I hate hearing that you're having a hard time.  I also hope you start feeling better soon.  Take care and keep in touch.


PS.  maybe this'll bring a smile... you were still talked about at the R.E. over Easter.  Imagine that!
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Nadine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,253
  • Member since: August 2005
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2007, 04:25:06 PM »
Thanks for checking in with us Jeromy

Hope you're feeling better real soon!


Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,793
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2007, 04:56:42 PM »
Was wondering where you'd gone to.  Good luck with your therapy journey next week.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Blixer

  • Member
  • Posts: 712
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2007, 06:53:30 PM »
You have been missed!!!  You provided some great support here.  Now it's time for you to lean on some of us.  I totally understand the "blank white screen" feeling.  Just kind of that emptiness.  And how do you make it go away?  Best of luck with the therapist.
Diagnosed 1/9/06
8/27/2007 CD4 598, 29%, VL 58 (72 wks)
11/19/2007 CD4 609, 30%, VL < 50 (84 wks)
2/11/2008 CD4 439, 27%, VL <50 (96 wks)
5/5/2008 CD4 535, 28%, VL <50 (108 wks)
10/20/2008 CD4 680, 28%, VL <50 (132 wks)
Changed to Atripla in 2012
1/14/2013 CD4 855, 35%, VL <40

Offline cubbybear

  • Member
  • Posts: 510
  • Joined August 2005.
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2007, 07:21:18 PM »
Hey Cub,

I know the blank screen/flashing cursor feeling well.  I'm glad you know where to come when you need it, and know you are never far from anyone's (read: my) thoughts.

There's a bear in there!
Positive since 2000
Diagnosed 17/9/2005 CD4 35 VL 293,000
Meds 23/9/2005 Sustiva/Truvada
Currently CD4 232 VL Undetectable

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,785
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #7 on: April 26, 2007, 08:11:06 PM »
Welcome back!  You can always lean on me! ;)
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Condom and Lube Info http://www.aidsmap.com/Condoms/page/1044833/
Please check out our lessons on PEP and PrEP. http://www.poz.com/factsheets/fs_2014_09_prep.pdf


Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,434
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #8 on: April 26, 2007, 10:05:23 PM »
I don't think you were ever lost; You just were not where you thought you were suppose to be.

I think it's great that your seeing a therapist to work through what you are feeling and I also think it's great that you are reaching out here.

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #9 on: April 26, 2007, 10:08:16 PM »
{{{{ Jeromy }}}}

Get well :)

Milker (who is jealous of your porn post ratings)
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjasô

Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,658
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #10 on: April 26, 2007, 11:13:39 PM »
No need to apologize Jeromy.  I'm just glad you popped back in long enough to say hello.  I never get a good feeling when people are gone for long periods of time.

Hope you get back on the road to recovery...especially in time for Sept.  The AMG gathering is the best therapy for you...bar none.


Offline JohnOso

  • Member
  • Posts: 817
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #11 on: April 26, 2007, 11:47:16 PM »

Glad to see you've checked in again, boss.   :D

I know all too well just where you're coming from....sometimes it's a difficult place to get out of.
I've had those same feelings really for the first time since I can ever remember.


Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #12 on: April 27, 2007, 12:32:48 PM »
Hey Sexy! Glad you stopped back in, I missed you and was wondering what was up with you. I'm glad you are getting your depression taken care of. Oh and there's another fella, do tell.. ;)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Bucko

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,947
  • You need a shine, missy!
    • The Spin Cycle
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #13 on: April 27, 2007, 01:40:27 PM »

I've missed you so much, baby. Know that in at least this outpost of hedonism you are loved deeply.

(Who remembers everything)
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline ndrew

  • Member
  • Posts: 695
  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #14 on: April 28, 2007, 08:45:05 AM »
Hey there,

Sorry yer feelin' that way.  "I am that blank white screen...void of color, energy, ambition, and mainly direction."  Might I suggest putting aside the computer, buying some black ink and splashing it on a white canvas?


Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,105
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #15 on: April 28, 2007, 11:43:09 AM »
Its good to hear from you.  Take care of yourself. Big HUGS!!!!!!
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline RobT

  • Member
  • Posts: 319
Re: Where am I??
« Reply #16 on: April 28, 2007, 12:50:55 PM »
Glad that ur back. Was wondering where u went off to.


Current meds: Atripla
VL: undetectable
CD4: 630


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