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Author Topic: A bonding experience  (Read 5268 times)

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Offline leximancer

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    • a thousand words
A bonding experience
« on: June 20, 2006, 01:05:00 AM »
Someone on a different message board I post to, a gay gamer forum, had this to say about HIV.

there were others who seemed to view this as a gay "rite of passage". it was very much akin to being "sired" by a vampire into his clan. in the way of twisted logic, it gave them some sort of familial claim and a sense of relevance to the world around them ("i was "made" and "chosen" by this giver). funny that they are both hemocytic based "viruses".

Someone else responded with this, which I found very interesting.

Oddly enough, I think this happens from becoming HIV positive period. I know that I now have this insane connection to the guy that I got HIV from. He didn't know that he had it, and passed it on to me unknowingly. So its not the same, but I still feel connected to him. And I haven't talked to him in 10 years.

What do you guys think?  Do you feel a strong connection to the person who gave it to you?  My seroconversion was only 10 months ago, and I was with the guy until just a few weeks ago, so I still think about him all the time.  I was wondering about those of you for whom it's been a bit longer.

Offline otherplaces

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Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2006, 03:04:20 AM »

Wow, funny you bring up the whole vampire/sire thing because I have thought of it in those terms exactly. But it was more like she was Drucilla and I'm Angel...infected with evil but fighter for good! All in all this thinking is but a side effect of watching too much Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I still think about her. She lived right across the street from me. I haven't seen her since that night and I only talked to her a few times since then. I know she moved away awhile ago. She was pretty wild. She seemed to have alot of problems as far as I could tell. And well, she was quite good looking, and sometimes I comfort myself that at least the sex was really great. Sometimes I think of her pretty negatively, and sometimes I wonder and hope she's okay. I imagine she's the type of person that would drown her diagnosis in alcohol and drugs. But I walk by that building all the time. Yeah, it makes for a really odd connection with a person. How could I ever forget her?


Offline Markmt

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Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2006, 03:29:22 AM »
In my case I don't have a clue who passed on HIV to me. The strongest connection I have is with my HIV- partner and would not like to share the virus with him
"Live to love and love to live."

Leo Buscaglia

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2006, 05:38:10 AM »
In my case I don't have a clue who passed on HIV to me.

same here, thus I have no such bond. but my gut tells me the person passed it on unintentionally and it's water under the bridge now

Offline Lwood

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  • Here's Lookin At You....
Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2006, 11:04:04 AM »
I wonder about the person that wrote the original message in question ,  and whether they are HIV + or just  some message board hack. 
I dont see HIV as a Right of Passage, or a Deep Bonding Experience akin to a Fairy Tale Vampire Transformation or some kind of Golden Wonka Ticket that gives  you permission to sit at the Cool Kids Table or a Lifetime Season Pass to the EXtreeme  Pity Party.
 Give me a fucking break.
Will you feel a deep bond with the next person that gives you a Cold?  Will You say with a congested snot packed voice, " Yes, it was HE who Made me and we are forever linked" < SNEEZE >
" Can You hand me some Puffs, Mortal ?"

Its a disease with an undeniable stigma, and I think that some people romanticise it to take the edge off, but it doesn't work for me. Its a disease, not a Hit Point in Dungeons & Dragons, and I treat it as such. Nothing More, and nothing Less
As for the person that I got HIV from, at this point I really have no emotions at all.
And if I want to Bond with the person responsible, well, the mirror is right over the lavitory.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2006, 11:12:12 AM by Lwood »
"Fortunately, I Keep My T Cells Numbered For Just Such An Emergency"
  -Either Foghorn Leghorn or Johnny Cash

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2006, 02:52:42 PM »
I have always loved the sound of that name, "Dracula" only three syllables and it just rolls off the tongue. Dra cu la...  So anyway, we have fiction and lore and analogies drawn on a bloodborne pathogen.

On my first clinic appointment, Doctor asked if I knew where I got my HIV, I said of course, I got mine the old fashioned way, I earned it! (with apologies to Smith Barney).  Actually the person who gave it to me was aware of what he was doing and of his status and mine.  We started having sex while I was sleeping and since we had been having sex for a few weeks or months (with protection), I was not aware there was no condom on that thing.  He had a personal grudge against one of my friends and was getting even.

This was 12 years ago and at this time it is kind of a moo point.  What is a moo point?  Ever so glad you asked... a moo point is something so absurd, even the cows don't talk about it.  Back to my story...

The person who was getting even with my friend and passing HIV on to me, is dead as is my friend he was settling the score with.  Having been to both funerals, I dressed completely in black, and drove a black convertible.  At the end of both services, I blew a kiss to a friend, put the top down and drove away alone.  I left roses on both of their graves.

Back to the vampires, there are two kinds of vampires, the Dracula of fiction and lore and then there is the emotional vampires.  What about me?  Ever so Glad you asked... I am in year 12 of HIV treatment and this Saturday is my 10th anniversary of my AIDS diagnosis and I have a date with an HIV- man who has been in healthcare specializing in HIV since the early days of the epidemic.  We are dropping my canoe in the river, packing a lunch and a chilled bottle of Napa Valley Chardonnay.  Life goes on, tomorrow is Litha.

« Last Edit: June 20, 2006, 02:55:33 PM by Sonomabeach »

Offline Joe K

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Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2006, 03:06:42 PM »
Bonding experience?  Surely you are kidding.  What a load of crap.  I don't know who gave it to me, but you can bet I wouldn't consider it any kind of bonding.  Sounds to me like someone (maybe the writer) is trying to justify or romanticize contracting HIV.

Let them live a month in this body and then tell me how "bonded" they feel to their "benefactor".

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2006, 03:13:55 PM »
I think that its bullshit.

I also think that HIV did not "make me a better person." I am who I am because of the passage of time and experience. I know plenty of total assholes who happen to carry HIV. Hell, I dated half a dozen of them last year.

Thing is, we are the product of our experiences, of which HIV is one. Am I a better person because my Dad died in my arms? No, but I'm still a little fucked up over it. Am I a better person because I had a car accident two years ago? No, but my car is still damaged because I cannot afford to repair it.

I refuse to give HIV more power than it has. It has not made me a better person. It has not bonded me to a community, or a person, or a mindset. HIV is a pathogen in my bloodstream that has caused my life to change, absolutely. But it is NOT alive, and is NOT a living metaphor. It's a virus.

Seriously, this crap disgusts me no end.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Bartro

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Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #8 on: June 20, 2006, 03:34:37 PM »
I don't think a virus is romantic, sorry...
« Last Edit: June 21, 2006, 12:21:36 AM by Bartro »

Offline dario

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Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #9 on: June 22, 2006, 05:33:47 AM »
Everyone has a different story even though there are some similarities.  Nevertheless I cannot understand how willingly passing a disease could increase bonding or love.   

I do not know precisely who passed the virus to me. But anyway, it is useless to think to much about the past and it drives you crazy. 

The idea of some sort of initiation into love is bizarre and ridiculous and sheer madness.  For me this reasoning reminds me of certain practices of medieval witchcraft or vodoo. (No offence to neo-pagans!)  I had read something about it in history books.  The idea is that I create a bond with another one by subjecting him to some sort of pain and therefore make him dependent on me.

I have noticed this kind of reasoning circulating around.  I think this is a sad development and does a lot of damage.

... when I was young, I never needed anyone, making love was just for fun, those days are gone ... Eric Carmen (Raspberries)

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #10 on: June 22, 2006, 05:47:17 AM »
I don't think a virus is romantic, sorry...

I agree Bartro. Maybe by Wes Craven or Stephen King standards. {{shiver}}

The idea of some sort of initiation into love is bizarre and ridiculous and sheer madness.  For me this reasoning reminds me of certain practices of medieval witchcraft or vodoo. 

There's certainly a darkness to it, IMHO at least. {{shivers again}}

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #11 on: June 22, 2006, 10:53:15 AM »
Well, I am certainly "bonded" with the virus, but certainly NOT to the fucker that gave it to me.

Offline heartforyou

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  • Posts: 1,126
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #12 on: June 22, 2006, 11:00:09 AM »
I hope I will never have to "bond" with a person I would infect.

As far as I know I have not infected anyone and I would certainly not at all feel bonded......

Hermie :(
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Kivexa (Epzicom),Tivicay once daily.

Switching to Viramune, Isentress and Emtriva

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Trish

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  • Posts: 332
Re: A bonding experience
« Reply #13 on: June 22, 2006, 01:08:53 PM »
What a sick, twisted thinking mechanism some people seem to have.  Absolutely ABSURD!!! :o

The only bonding I have with the person who infected me, my husband, is the bond of love & friendship.  Nothing more, nothing less.  HIV has nothing to do with the bond I forged with my husband nearly 20 years ago.

This is CRAZY AND MORONIC thinking we have happening. ::)  What a crock of shit?  Excuse me, I think I'm gonna upchuck my breakfast now. :(
"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit."  Eleanor Roosevelt


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