Going in to depression, I don't know how to help her, I need advice

[850YARR]

Hello all,
I am a 26 year old male,  I met the love of my life 16 months ago,  but she was diagnosed with HIV about 10 months ago.
She is taking medication and for the second blood test in a row now,  she is undetectable.  The doctor says her levels are better than most healthy people right now.
But when she was diagnosed it hit her really hard.  Especially because her mom found out before she did. 

 (the health department kept leaving her messages that sounded just like a scam,  no information at all to let her know it was important,  so she ignored the calls.  So of course the health department showed up at her mom's door,  because that's the address she had on file,  and her mom is a nurse so she knew what was going on)
I feel like she has come such a long way in coping with her illness in the last few months,  I am very proud of her.  But we had a very very sexual life before all of this plopped into our laps.

I believe intimacy is a very large part of living a full and happy life,  a few past relationships failed because my partner didn't feel the same way as I did...
My partner feels..  Felt the same way.
I mean perfect match guys,  this girl connects with me on so many levels,  I could live life a million more times and never find anyone close to as special as her.
Well she is so hung up on how she contracted the illness,  she's actually on depression medication to help her cope,  she was just a lump,  nothing I could do or say would cheer her up.

Now getting close to a year later,  she is undetectable,  but she is AFRAID  of sex,  partly because she doesn't want me to catch it,  the other is all in her mind.  She tells me she is repulsed by the thought of it. 
I know this girl means the world to me, because any other girl I would have left on the spot,  months ago,  long forgotten.

Here I am,  on this forum I found today,  looking for answers I can't ever seem to find.   
HOW CAN I HELP HER???    I feel like I am loosing my mind..  I've trained myself to not flirt with her anymore (it will just make her upset)  I can't touch her in any suggestive way (even though she does to me..)
I'm even in the last steps of getting a script for PreP,  but the way things are going I'm not even sure if that will help her mentally in any way... It might not even change anything   =`[   
I don't want to tell her I'm immensely depressed because nothing feels the same,  HOW COULD I BE SO HORRIBLE,  that is such a terrible thing to tell someone..  "I feel terrible every day because you won't get over it"

I know it's a touchy subject that should be taken with care,  and I don't know what step to take.
I love this girl, but it can't be healthy to keep living this way, I'm hiding in the back of the shop at work typing this because I can't think about all of this without crying.
This is so hard.

I apologize for my terrible grammar and punctuation,  I'm trying to spit this out quick before anyone knows I'm back here.

I'm greatly looking forward to any words of wisdom anyone cares to share.  Thank you for your time.

[zach]

First, you're awesome, I don't hear a bit of hesitation from you, total loyalty.

Second, don't give up on the relationship, it shines through how strongly you feel about it. You're lucky to have each other.

Self acceptance of the diagnosis is just like the five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. And it's not a steady straight line from one to the next. There will be some back and forth, probably a couple coexisting. Be patient with her, help her process it in her own time and way.

Maybe try to get her to join here? She can post anywhere, and she also post on the ladies board. Very supportive women on the board.

Sex, yeah, give it time. You say she's on some antidepressants, is she in any type of therapy? Think she'd be open to that? Realize that many antidepressants suppress sex drive, so that probably is part of the equation.

Honestly, it takes awhile to recover from diagnosis. I was solid wreck for a couple years. It could be argued I'm still a mess. I like to think I've stabilized, six years later.

Sucks her mom found out in that way, I totally empathize with her on that. Disclosure out of our control, not in our time.. it sucks. But you can't unring that bell now. Is her mother supportive? Can she be an ally with you, together you two can be a good support network.

This is going to be a process, I don't have quick easy answers, there aren't any. Hang out, welcome here. I'll step aside and give others some space to weigh in.