Author Topic: Unprotected intercourse (Read 17016 times)

Miami7719 · « **on:** March 31, 2009, 03:53:28 pm »

I recently met a girl whom I slept with briefly. We started off with a condom and then a second quick 5 minutes without. I have read this forum as well as another well known site. I am writing in zombie mode at this time. The other site, which I will not mention, stated her race as a factor in my risk, but also said that a brief heterosexual exposure would unlikely result in a positive result. This person in the forum was a Dr who is well known in the infectous diseases community and said from a risk assessment prospective testing would not be needed, since I was just tested 3 months ago. The girl brought condoms and insisted I wear them and somehow we lost our way. She claims to be negative and is now worried that I am so worried because I am creating anxiety. Your site is going to say test---I know from previous experience and from getting counseled during a rapid test, that it was very unlikely to test posiitive from a one time exposure...being circumsized and with no other stds present---made the chances nil. But---I am still worried. So am i dinged here or what?

Andy Velez · « **Reply #1 on:** March 31, 2009, 04:59:57 pm »

It's not who you do anything with. It's WHAT you do.

You already know the drill. You did have brief, unprotected intercourse. The fact that she wanted to use condoms is actually an encouraging sign to me. But really and truly anything other than an HIV test is just guesswork. And HIV status is never something to guess about.

HIV is not an easy virus to transmit. It is significantly harder to accomplish from female to male. You had a single and relatively brief possible exposure. Low risk is not the same as no risk. So you do need to get tested at 13 weeks after the most recent unprotected incident.

The odds are significantly in your favor that you will test negative.

Learn from this experience. Have intercourse with whomever you want to, regardless of race, ethnicity or whatever. Their HIV status becomes irrelevant when you consistently use condoms. Condoms provide very effective protection for both vaginal and anal intercourse. Use them consistently and you won't have to worry. It's as simple as that.

Good luck with your test.

Cheers.

Miami7719 · « **Reply #2 on:** April 06, 2009, 09:15:24 am »

Could somebody help me please---I feel sick---too early to tesy and this guy force just sent me into a frenzy---I called my Dr and he said I have nothing to worry about. The HIV clinic says its too early to test and too late for pep which they wouldnt prescribe me anyway if I wasnt too late. They said the length of time and method of exposure are very low---yet I hear it is a risk and force is saying stuff thats made me paranoid---should I prepare for the worst?

RapidRod · « **Reply #3 on:** April 06, 2009, 09:29:42 am »

Miami, go back and reread Andy'd reply to you and ignore what the other poster has put in your thread.

Miami7719 · « **Reply #4 on:** April 06, 2009, 09:40:01 am »

It exhausting to live this way---my former HIV counselor from spain told me the US is the only country she has ever worked in that is consumed by FEAR of HIV. and I have fallen victim to that--she also does phone counseling as well as testing and she said people in europe dont act this way---She said HIV IN THIS COUNTRY IS A FEAR CAMPAIGN. Though possible yes---but not likely---as other STDS or even lung cancer....which kills more people than HIV. Yet I smoke!

Ann · « **Reply #5 on:** April 06, 2009, 09:40:54 am »

Miami,

Take some deep breaths and try to relax. Pay no attention to Force, he's not authorised to post replies in this forum and as you have already figured out, he doesn't have a single clue what he's talking about. Ignore him. In fact, I've removed his posts and any subsequent posts relating to him, just so his misinformation is no longer there to upset you. Now you can just concentrate on the facts as relate to you and your situation.

I totally agree with Andy that you will most likely test hiv negative in relation to your brief unprotected intercourse. The earliest you can test is at six weeks, as the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test postive by then. A six week negative must be confirmed at the three month point.

Don't sweat it, but DO stop taking chances with your health and make sure you use condoms, every time, no exceptions.

I fully expect you to test negative over this brief encounter. So should you, but test to make certain.

Ann

Miami7719 · « **Reply #6 on:** April 06, 2009, 10:00:37 am »

Thank you Ann--and Ill quit smoking---

Miami7719 · « **Reply #7 on:** April 13, 2009, 01:10:36 am »

First I want to say you guys on here are great! So ann---as I am sure you know--its been 2.5 weeks since the exposure--AGAIN this question is for ANN. You guys state to stay off the net because of confusion..I have been keeping busy....but its creeping again as the dates get closer. You stated that HIV from female to male it "significantly"harder to transmit via female to male.---My Dr and an HIV tester said---5 minutes of unprotected sex---is very unlikely to nil. I have heard this a lot..but I saw in another posting that you know plenty of top vaginal only men who were infected.....somehow the words "plenty" and "significantly harder from female to male" seem to contradict. I used condoms for the first few minutes and because I couldnt stay hard put it in without---for a few seconds---and then put it in again gave a few thrust---stopped---and then four to 3 thrust I came out side of her---maybe 5 minutes is giving me too much credit. Why does my doc say to just wait for my annual? And why did the HIV counselor---a biologist as well---state she would test me in 4 weeks, but she would be me it was negative. Confused....what is HIV and what the hell is the truth...also I am 6.5 inches in length 7 on a good day---would that reach cervical fluids?---I am starting to sound nutty. Please respond to me in private if you have any personal info for me or let me know out here thanks

Ann · « **Reply #8 on:** April 13, 2009, 05:04:38 am »

Miami,

The straight men I know who became positive NEVER used condoms. NOT ONCE. Their situations weren't one-offs like yours. Continually having unprotected intercourse is a bit like playing Russian Roulette - one day you're going to get hit. Most often it's the bb-gun pellet of chlamydia or one of the other easy to transmit STIs, but sometimes it's the life-threatening bullet of hiv.

Moral of the story? Use condoms, correctly and CONSISTENTLY. That means read the condom and lube links in my signature line so you don't end up with a broken condom, and actually take it out of the package EVERY TIME, no exceptions, and LEAVE IT ON until the act is finished.

The size of your penis is irrelevant. The ONLY relevant detail is the fact that you had unprotected intercourse. It lasted a very short time and yes, you've more chance of finding a winning lottery ticket lying in the street than you do of ending up hiv positive as a result of this encounter.

Test at the appropriate time and get on with your life. I'm fully expecting a negative result and so should you.

Ann

Miami7719 · « **Reply #9 on:** April 13, 2009, 06:41:46 am »

Thank you so much---your words are encouraging. I will test at the appropriate time. I do wonder though--my HIV counselor the last time I tested in October, stated that (she is from Spain) only in the U.S are people so overwhelmed with HIV and irrational fears. She also works the hotline and was actually the one I spoke to and called me in to test. She said she knew right off the bat that more than likely my insertive vaginal exposure back in October would be neg, but its always good to check, so she asked me to come in and test and I was neg.

Are there condoms that can help me stay hard? It seems like the moment I reach for the package ---I wave bye to my erection. So, with my male ape mentality of wanting to prove something I end up taking it off at times so I dont get a reputation as someone who cant perform---so ego not sensation--has caused me to make these mistakes. I am only 32 and have thought maybe viagra for casual sex, so I can stay erect with a condom--but I dont want to take anything like that---any suggestions or condoms?

Ann · « **Reply #10 on:** April 13, 2009, 07:34:17 am »

Miami,

It's not only the USA where people are so consumed by irrational hiv fears - plenty of our extremely anxious and irrational posters come from places like India, the UK, and all around the world really. So no, it's not just the States.

Lots of men report the loss of erection when using condoms - so you're definitely not alone. If you're not having anal sex, you can use the ultra-thin condoms - and make sure there's either plenty of natural lube or use water-based lube to be sure. (Thicker condoms are recommended for anal because factors like the lack of natural lube and tightness contribute to condom breakage.)

It is also possible to "sexualise" condoms by using them when you masturbate. Adding a good porn flick or magazine into the mix can help. Another way of sexualising condoms is to have your partner put it on for you, as a part of your foreplay. Just make sure she's putting it on you correctly - for example, pinching the tip so there's no trapped air (a leading cause of condom breakage). 90% of good sex takes place in the brain - so use your imagination.

When you reach for the condom, don't think about how fiddly it is to put on, think about how good it's going to feel when you get inside her. If you decide to try the masturbation-with-condom technique, practice putting it on correctly without looking at what you're doing. It will soon become second nature and if you're thinking about what you're about to do and how good it will feel while you're putting it on, well, do I have to draw a picture?

And by the way, I don't know any women who would laugh at, scorn, or talk behind the back of a man who had erection trouble in conjunction with condoms. Don't be afraid to talk about the situation when it arises (or more to the point, doesn't arise) - I think you'll find most women would be very understanding and will want to help you get hard and stay hard. You'll gain more respect by being honest than you will by throwing caution to the wind and simply removing the condom. Respect makes for good sex, at least from a woman's point of view. And one more thing to keep in mind - when a man has trouble maintaining an erection, we women usually blame ourselves, not the man. Just another reason why you would be wise to be honest when this happens.

Ann

Miami7719 · « **Reply #11 on:** April 13, 2009, 07:54:32 am »

Thanks----I just have to stay busy---I just read scientific journals I dont even understand---then I read the Regan Hoffman story and wondering how her x boyfriend gave it to her---even though the odds are in my favor---it consumes you. I know better too and was in the clear from my last test. Somehow I see stats for African American women being high and this was the first time I ever slept with one---even though she does not meet the criteria in terms of economically challenged---and drug addicted women---but this is miami---lots of sh---t happens..so many thoughts...At this point I dont even care---I am exhausted----

Andy Velez · « **Reply #12 on:** April 13, 2009, 08:07:37 am »

Ann has given you very solid information. The odds are you are going to test negative. Of course that expectation is very different than having the happy negative notice in hand.

I strongly urge you to resist the impulse to continue reading, reading, reading about HIV. You've been told the basics. Reading more is not going to give you the answer you want and in my experience will only stoke your fears.

So get yourself re-focused on other matters in your life. You can do a test at 6 weeks if you want to. Assuming you test negative then, that result is very, very unlikely to change when you re-test at 13 weeks. Now, meanwhile get on to other things in your life. And don't even bother saying you can't do that, because that response is not going to fly here. You can and doing that will make the waiting time pass much more quickly.

Cheers.

Ann · « **Reply #13 on:** April 13, 2009, 08:35:09 am »

Miami,

It's foolishness to base your test expectations on the stats of hiv in African-American women. This does not change your risk assessment - and we do base our risk assessments on the assumption the other person is hiv positive.

What everyone, not just you, needs to understand is that this virus does not discriminate and neither should you. You would never guess in a million years that I was hiv positive - I don't fit any of the usual demographics other than the big one - I had unprotected sex. You need to assume that ANYONE you have intercourse with is hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly.

Sexually speaking, the ONLY true "risk-group" for hiv infection is that group of people who have unprotected intercourse with someone of unknown or positive hiv status. Don't be fooled by stats and alleged demographics. I was, and I've got a life-long virus for a tenant as a result.

I'm telling you this as a warning for the future. The stark facts I've given you do not change your risk assessment. Your one-off, brief instance of unprotected, insertive vaginal intercourse is very, very unlikely to result in you testing positive.

Get to grips (literally as well as figuratively) with condoms and make sure you keep it that way.

Ann

Miami7719 · « **Reply #14 on:** April 13, 2009, 08:49:11 am »

Thanks guys---I am going to bed.

Miami7719 · « **Reply #15 on:** April 16, 2009, 06:16:53 am »

So that pop star infected a guy with HIV--pretty obvious I guess my risk is HUGE---they interviewed a guy who slept with her and he asked her if she was poz and she lied...her response was similiar to the woman i slept with--which was ---yes of course...i talked to that woman today and she said she would never do that to anyone...but who knows....STRESS IS BUILDING

Ann · « **Reply #16 on:** April 16, 2009, 06:49:35 am »

Miami,

I haven't a clue what pop star you're talking about - and I don't care either. We don't know the full sexual history of either of them and for all we know, the man could have been previously infected. That case has NOTHING to do with you.

Your one-off, brief instance of unprotected, insertive vaginal intercourse is very, very unlikely to result in you testing positive. You're just going to have to sit tight until you can test.

I suggest in the meantime you get busy with other things and stay off hiv websites that are only going to fuel your fear.

I seriously do not expect you to test postive over this one-off incident.

Ann

Miami7719 · « **Reply #17 on:** April 17, 2009, 03:47:33 am »

I am losing my mind and may need to check into a hospital for fear I will hurt myself---the thoughts are consuming me. I have only looked at medhelp this cite and the body...Dr. Franscino from the body posted a response from one of his posters stating he was POZ after a one minute vaginal exposure....and he infected his GF. I cant even look at my fiance---i wont sleep with her---I know this time I screwed up. I have not eaten a single meal in days....I never thought about suicide until now---I keep replaying a positive diagnosis in my head.....God it was so brief----I drilled her about her status have pushed and pushed---to the point shes freaking out---something tells me...I am in trouble here....real big trouble....my armpits hurt---this happened the 28th of march---

I cant make it throught the night...I may have to check into emergency.

RapidRod · « **Reply #18 on:** April 17, 2009, 04:23:15 am »

We can't help you with your anxiety issues and yes if you are thinking about harming yourself it's best for you to seek professional mental help.

Ann · « **Reply #19 on:** April 17, 2009, 06:21:21 am »

Miami,

Cut the drama. I suspect you're obssessing over the tiny risk you have of testing positive simply because of who the woman happens to be. That's just plain silly. Even if this woman were to be confirmed to be hiv positive, our risk assessment would remain the same:

Your one-off, brief instance of unprotected, insertive vaginal intercourse is very, very unlikely to result in you testing positive.

If you continue to have thoughts of hurting yourself, get some help. Either go to your nearest emergency room and tell them what you feel like doing, or ring a suicide help-line, or seek counseling elsewhere. We cannot stop you hurting yourself, but YOU can by getting help.

And how silly will you feel when you hurt yourself then find out you were hiv negative after all?

Ann

Miami7719 · « **Reply #20 on:** April 17, 2009, 03:48:01 pm »

I am just so exhausted. Thanks for all your help ann. I am trying to just get on with my life. A local HIV testing here in chicago---said that being its been 3 weeks and even though we dont wanna use symptoms..that my not having any by now and my low risk is very likely that I am not infected. I do not know if they said this so I can feel better or not. Anyway--thanks....and me and my fiance will try to get through this....

Andy Velez · « **Reply #21 on:** April 17, 2009, 06:07:41 pm »

Of course your exhausted! All of that energy you are expending on unwarranted anxiety and worry. You could run engines with that power you're throwing away.

Like Ann I expect you to test negative. Meanwhile, get busy with other things while you're waiting to test.

We expect to hear good news from you when you have your result.

Miami7719 · « **Reply #22 on:** April 22, 2009, 05:06:41 am »

So I have been more relaxed....xanax--and I ran into this tonight---as I have now run out of popping xanax like chips. http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=24221.0

It was a link in this forum that I stumbled upon--was not browsing through tested poz forum. Do people really do shit like this? Or is this guy POZ. Rapid seems to think he was full of crap. I also noticed not a single guy who has sex here, even with a poz woman ever comes back to finish the story. Which is so frustrating. I am disgusted if this guy is a liar and cant believe he would do that. Are there people who sit around pretending to be poz to see what you say??? making up scenarios?

RapidRod · « **Reply #23 on:** April 22, 2009, 05:29:23 am »

Don't want to hear about any of your symptom shopping in other forums. Sick to the forum that pertains to you.

Miami7719 · « **Reply #24 on:** April 22, 2009, 05:32:03 am »

Trust me I ran into this just browsing through the am I infected forum---havent been anywhere else...I was just shocked to see someone lie--or we can assumed he was---never had A WB...and lead people on....does this happen a lot?

RapidRod · « **Reply #25 on:** April 22, 2009, 05:36:23 am »

Quote from: Miami7719 on April 22, 2009, 05:32:03 am

Trust me I ran into this just browsing through the am I infected forum---havent been anywhere else...I was just shocked to see someone lie--or we can assumed he was---never had A WB...and lead people on....does this happen a lot?

Try again. You didn't read that in the "Am I Forum". It's located in the "I just tested Poz Forum.

Miami7719 · « **Reply #26 on:** April 22, 2009, 05:44:34 am »

It was in this forum and I when I clicked in it there was a link---and as I lay here stressed I thought for a minute based on the discussion it was moved back here because the story was starting to look off and Ann stated he never had a WB and you stated you were not buying it. I know this is not a compassion website and you especially are here to provide very direct and non emotionally engaging answers---which I respect since you give your time here everyday---so--I wont take your responses personal...I am just not able to sit around the dinner table and freak my family out with hey---so I am worried about HIV and really shouldnt be but I am going nuts! So I am sorry if I come here to vent until i test---at least I am not saying--touched a door knob can I get HIV?...I am using this site to educate myself.

I just got really angry that he would lie---

RapidRod · « **Reply #27 on:** April 22, 2009, 05:50:47 am »

Quote from: Miami7719 on April 22, 2009, 05:44:34 am

It was in this forum and I when I clicked in it there was a link---and as I lay here stressed I thought for a minute based on the discussion it was moved back here because the story was starting to look off and Ann stated he never had a WB and you stated you were not buying it. I know this is not a compassion website and you especially are here to provide very direct and non emotionally engaging answers---which I respect since you give your time here everyday---so--I wont take your responses personal...I am just not able to sit around the dinner table and freak my family out with hey---so I am worried about HIV and really shouldnt be but I am going nuts! So I am sorry if I come here to vent until i test---at least I am not saying--touched a door knob can I get HIV?...I am using this site to educate myself.

I just got really angry that he would lie---

Sounds like a personal problem if you can't talk about HIV and other STDs to family members. I guess discussing heart disease and diabetes is out of the question in your home also?

Miami7719 · « **Reply #28 on:** April 22, 2009, 05:58:18 am »

Nope my aunt has HIV...its having them think I am nuts cause I am walking around like a zombie over a few seconds of unprotected sex...I wasnt asking about anything except if people come on here and lie---take it easy on me---Small dog big bite...geez

Ann · « **Reply #29 on:** April 22, 2009, 07:42:55 am »

Miami,

The poster "Liverpool" wasn't lying. He said he tested positive when he was tested while applying for life insurance. When you test for hiv when applying for life insurance, all they do is an ELISA and inform you of the results. It's up to you to confirm a positive result by testing again with an ELISA, followed by a Western Blot if the second ELISA is also positive. His wouldn't be the first FALSE positive life insurance result we've seen here.

Liverpool probably never returned to the forum because the follow-up test didn't confirm his positive status. Make sure you re-read and understand my reply to him (#24). He never posted again after that and I'm quite sure it's because his WB didn't confirm his poz status.

But yes, we do get some people who insist they have hiv, despite multiple negative hiv tests. Yes, sometimes people lie. There's a lot of strange people in the world and there are a lot of people who are - or should be - under psychiatric care for their faulty perceptions and beliefs concerning their physical health. We don't have a firewall that filters such people out - so you're just going to have to live with it. We do.

I really don't expect to hear back from you until you test at six weeks. There's nothing further we can tell you in the meantime that we haven't already.

Ann

Miami7719 · « **Reply #30 on:** April 23, 2009, 09:12:36 pm »

The girl just texted me and told me that I was paranoid and neurotic and that next time to not decide to convince the women to not use a condom and then blame for my neuroticness...

Does this mean shes telling me if she has something its my fault if I got it? She told me today I am wearing her out and I spoke to the clinic where I made my appointment to test next week for a baseline test. The clinical manager is going to test me---I dont trust anyone else...

He thinks I may have PTSD post traumatic stress disorder. My aunt is HIV poz and a few years back had a hard time disclosing and made a mistake and has not dated since...I am not sure what happened to the guy...but they are still friends...she has never till this day disclosed...and has never had sex again. she found it hard to deal with.

Anyway the clinical manager thinks that I keep seeing myself in that situation...and this is why I am so obsessed. I just have this feeling like I screwed up last year briefly and tested negative and that this is when I am going to be screwed...Also I am getting back with a woman I really care for and fear of putting her at risk..this could also be a cause...I am not looking for opinions..I just have nobody to talk to.

Could my stress affect the results of the test? I am afraid of a false positive with a rapid test finger stick. I just want to make this all go away....

RapidRod · « **Reply #31 on:** April 23, 2009, 09:26:56 pm »

Seek professional mental help with your anxiety issues. This forum or no other forum can take the place of one on one intervention.

Ann · « **Reply #32 on:** April 24, 2009, 06:12:21 am »

Miami,

The woman's response to you is totally understandable. I feel the same, only I have to be diplomatic and be nice to you.

You've blown your risk factor ALL OUT OF PROPORTION. It's reactions like yours that cause people like your aunt to be afraid to disclose.

No, stress is not going to affect your test result one way or the other. As Rodney mentions, this forum is NOT the appropriate place for you to work through your hiv anxieties relating to your aunt's illness. Get yourself a counselor.

Re-read your entire thread. As I said to you the other day, there's nothing new to tell you. You're just going to have to sit tight and wait for the appropriate time to test.

Ann

Miami7719 · « **Reply #33 on:** April 24, 2009, 05:52:33 pm »

What a nightmare---all over a condom that I had on to begin with! Negative at 4 weeks close to 5. counselor at testing site said I can come back in 3 months--*if I want to for additional peace of mind since my anxiety is so high!--But he said in my case its is unlikely to change. He has been testing for 15years and is the clinical manager for the center i went to. I will get tested in 12 weeks.

Andy Velez · « **Reply #34 on:** April 24, 2009, 06:38:31 pm »

Good. You have your first negative result. And if you decide to re-test at 12 weeks I totally expect you will collect another negative.

Now get busy with other things during the intervening weeks. Doing that will make the time more quickly than you may imagine is possible.

Cheers.

Miami7719 · « **Reply #35 on:** April 25, 2009, 01:28:03 am »

Well before any of that i wanted to say thanks so much for your patience and info---I know I was a pain in the ass...You helped a lot. Love you guys...and I mean that poz or neg regardless of results. Ann your an angel...andy rapid the same to you both...Sad yet happy I have to end contact with you all---wish you the best--I have job interviews next week...so Ill be busy

Ann · « **Reply #36 on:** April 25, 2009, 06:44:36 am »

Miami,

You don't have to wait twelve weeks from the date of your negative nearly-five-week result, you only have to wait twelve weeks from the date of your unprotected incident. You probably misunderstood the test person when he said "come back in three months" - he would have meant three months from the incident. I mean why would he have you wait four weeks past the window period when he's as sure as we are that you're going to get another negative result.

I sincerely hope this negative result calms you down. You were NEVER likely to test positive over this brief unprotected incident, as we've repeatedly told you.

Ann

Miami7719 · « **Reply #37 on:** April 25, 2009, 08:11:48 am »

Maybe I did misunderstand--

--Either way part of its done--I can test with confidence moving forward---if I decide to...

Thanks

Andy Velez · « **Reply #38 on:** April 25, 2009, 09:15:27 am »

"...if I decide to..." What does that mean? You mean not getting re-tested at 13 weeks for a confirmatory negative result and choosing instead to live under a cloud of uncertainty about your status?

Am I missing something here?

Miami7719 · « **Reply #39 on:** April 25, 2009, 09:25:23 am »

9 weeks

Andy Velez · « **Reply #40 on:** April 25, 2009, 09:39:29 am »

Time passes much more quickly when you get busy with other things in your life. Then you get tested and collect what we expect will be another negative result. And then get on with your life with that concern resolved.

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Author Topic: Unprotected intercourse (Read 17016 times)