Unsure

[truelife14]

Hi everybody ummm i was recently diagnosed so this post might be more of a vent than anything but please bear with me!

Its been a couple of weeks since i found out and i am going through it idk what to feel this all seems so overwhelming and scary. This forum has definitely helped alot and i read some previous posts that have eased me a little but it seems as if everytime i wake up the anxiety starts all over again. I've already started treatment (stribild) and the doctor told me ill be fine and that other patients are living their lives but why don't i feel like it. Even here on the forums people say treatment works but i see all these long terms problems associated with it when i do searches on google and read other forums....that's not fine!

It seems as if people have become content with the dx and their life but i don't wanna just be content i wanna be happy, is anyone here able to be happy with their life?
Idk i just feel like i'm incapable of living on my own without assistance (the medication) IS THIS EVEN LIVING? I feel like death is just lurking around the corner and its all too much...where do i go from here? Does having HIV mean you're dying i'm not sick or anything and i believe i caught it early so is it kind of like just being a carrier? Does treatment just slow the progression to AIDS or can you avoid it completely?

Thanks and sorry for the long post its just that i'm scared and any advice is greatly appreciated!


 

[Ptrk3]

Sorry about your diagnosis, but welcome to the forum.

Since your were diagnosed early and are now on meds, it is quite possible that you will never progress to aids.  Even if you did, that does not mean the same as it once did, as long as you remain on meds and follow medical instructions.  Listen to your doctor.  Yes, your life has changed, but as you can tell from the forum, many people live long and healthy lives.  You can, too.  It does get better.  Also, as time goes on, more and more advances bring new and better treatments to light.  Yes, HIV is a bummer, to be sure, but so are a lot of things.  Hang in there.  Be strong.
You will survive.  Best wishes to you as you begin an unexpected journey.

[mecch]

Since your were diagnosed early and are now on meds, it is quite possible that you will never progress to aids.  Even if you did, that does not mean the same as it once did, as long as you remain on meds and follow medical instructions. 

I am sure you mean well. Maybe this is just awkward phrasing? Why would you say such dated things to TrueLife who has major misunderstandings of what it means to be diagnosed today.


truelife14 -

 I've already started treatment (stribild) and the doctor told me ill be fine and that other patients are living their lives but why don't i feel like it. Even here on the forums people say treatment works but i see all these long terms problems associated with it when i do searches on google and read other forums....that's not fine!

You are going to be OK. There is no "IF you progress to AIDS" here! Just stay adherent. Be careful what you read on the internet. HIV has over 30 years of history.  Don't automatically apply the horror and sad stories of other people who have had HIV or - worse - AIDS - to you.  IT DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU. 
Fact is we don't know for sure what today's drugs will bring us 20 years from now. Today's drugs are OK. Doctors tell us don't sweat it too much.  Trust doctors, not random experiences read on the Internet.  Furthermore, in 10 years, we won't be on today's drugs.  In 20 years, we won't be on those next drugs, either. Get it?

It seems as if people have become content with the dx and their life but i don't wanna just be content i wanna be happy, is anyone here able to be happy with their life?

Listen you are newly diagnosed so don't go judging people who have chilled out about living with HIV for being "content".  Let's just say we have come to terms with it and there is a LOT more to our lives, and yours, then one virus.  If you want to be happy, how is a diagnosis with HIV at this time, 2014, and with the message from doctors - it's manageable and you will be easily keep it so - going to prevent your happiness. You want to be happy - go make yourself happy despite this hiccup.

Idk i just feel like i'm incapable of living on my own without assistance (the medication) IS THIS EVEN LIVING? I feel like death is just lurking around the corner and its all too much...where do i go from here? Does having HIV mean you're dying i'm not sick or anything and i believe i caught it early so is it kind of like just being a carrier? Does treatment just slow the progression to AIDS or can you avoid it completely?

Yes we need treatment. Treatment works. I do every damned thing - work and play - as before my infection about 5 or 6 years ago.  Everything.  So yeah this is living.  You are newly diagnosed and not yet to grips with it - thats why death feels around the corner but my dear, it is not. Its in your mind. 

As you say, you are not sick. You are not dying.  Listen, lots of HIV- people will not really understand this but there are plenty of HIV+ people who do not feel like they are sick or dying. So good for you - you have already recognised that you have a different normal than "society" but its still normal. 
 
We don't know your labs. Maybe you should post them. 

Many people diagnosed today face a no AIDS future, so called "near normal" life span, etc etc.

[Ptrk3]

Mecch:  thanks for the correction.  If there is misunderstanding, it was my awkward phrasing, indeed.  I guess I was referring to the high unlikelihood of non-adherence to meds and such.  I guess I also had in mind my own situation, diagnosed late, but doing fine.  I certainly did not mean to add concern to truelife14.  The better statement would be, even if one is now diagnosed with aids (i.e., late-stage HIV, with CD4's below 200, etc.).

Truelife14 will never experience aids if he adheres to medical treatment protocol.

My apologies to all for my careless phrasing.  I will be more sensitive in future.

[truelife14]

Thank you both for the encouraging words I'm just really having a hard time with this sudden life change. And I don't have my labs but I go to the doctor soon so I'll make sure I get them.

[buginme2]

What makes you think you cant have HIV and live a happy life?  That's rather fatalistic don't you think?

[truelife14]

What makes you think you cant have HIV and live a happy life?  That's rather fatalistic don't you think?

Well to be honest before my dx I had no idea that hiv treatment came as far as it did nor did I know it was effective, the only thing I knew was that hiv kills so I only had the horror stories of the past to go off of. I didn't mean to offend I was just asking because right now it doesn't seem like I'll be happy because my life will never be the same so I guess I was wondering was anybody struggling with the same feelings

[buginme2]

You didn't offend. I'm not offended.  I'm pointing out that your thinking is flawed.  If all that you knew about HIV before you were dx was that it killed. Ok.  Now you know more.  Now you know that's not the case.  You've experienced taking meds and have experienced what that feels like.  So.  Again, why can't you be happy? 

I'm trying to point out that there's nothing preventing you from being happy.  You have HIV, yeah it's a big deal.  But not so much really.  Right.

[Almost2late]

Hi True, its perfectly normal to feel the way you do after first being dx.. I went through it too and my dx was aids.. I also thought it was a death sentence but todays hiv meds are great as long as you're on the right ones for you.. You don't need to apologize, you can ask what ever you need to know about hiv.

[Jeff G]

You didn't offend. I'm not offended.  I'm pointing out that your thinking is flawed.  If all that you knew about HIV before you were dx was that it killed. Ok.  Now you know more.  Now you know that's not the case.  You've experienced taking meds and have experienced what that feels like.  So.  Again, why can't you be happy? 

I'm trying to point out that there's nothing preventing you from being happy.  You have HIV, yeah it's a big deal.  But not so much really.  Right.

Mr Bugs ... I think I remember you having a little bit of an adjustment period yourself when your were DX’ed 

Welcome to the forum Truelife !

[buginme2]

Oh absolutely I'm really not trying to dismiss what your feeling.  I get it.  It's not fun being diagnosed hiv positive.  I still get down about it now. 

I'm simply trying to point out that while it's normal to be upset about getting the dx, you should recognize that it's not so bad that your should give up your dreams, or feel like you can never be happy again. 

Just identify that those feelings are not logical and hopefully you can identify those thoughts as being unrealistic.   

HIV sucks,  but it doesn't have the power to prevent you from being happy.