Clamps Thread

[clamp413]

For me, it's being honest about my status, and still seeing online, the numerous guys on manhunt and other chat sites still continue to deceive and lie about being married or neg as of a recent date only to have them tell you that they are poz, and to know that more young guys will be outsmarted in the spur of moment, is challenging to me.  Knowing I am helpless when i see this happen, and me being hurt by a man who deceived me, telling me he was curious and 40s (60s) and not married or curious, he got pleasure from oral from me, and in return took my health and life as i knew it.  So seeing this continue, and seeing him online with other names, hurts me.   I lost all self confidence, it doenst get easier for me, it gets harder as i get sicker.  My story is unique because it took a very long time, 8 years to get a firm diagnosis and i was labeled as somatiform and hypochondriac etc.  Im so sad, and the people here seem so nice.

[Jeff G]

For me, it's being honest about my status, and still seeing online, the numerous guys on manhunt and other chat sites still continue to deceive and lie about being married or neg as of a recent date only to have them tell you that they are poz, and to know that more young guys will be outsmarted in the spur of moment, is challenging to me.  Knowing I am helpless when i see this happen, and me being hurt by a man who deceived me, telling me he was curious and 40s (60s) and not married or curious, he got pleasure from oral from me, and in return took my health and life as i knew it.  So seeing this continue, and seeing him online with other names, hurts me.   I lost all self confidence, it doenst get easier for me, it gets harder as i get sicker.  My story is unique because it took a very long time, 8 years to get a firm diagnosis and i was labeled as somatiform and hypochondriac etc.  Im so sad, and the people here seem so nice.

Welcome to the forums ... Why did it take 8 years to find out you have HIV ... did you not test along the way ?

[clamp413]

Welcome to the forums ... Why did it take 8 years to find out you have HIV ... did you not test along the way ?

Its a long story, but it started out that my body was able to naturally fight it without detection for a long time.  I had numerous tests and all were negative and VL was undetectable too.  It wasn't until a VL test found it and my persistence.  I was driving across the state to Boston university for many years and the Dr there said she wasn't going to give up on me, so i kept going but my symptoms kept getting worse with no explanation, finally after a MRI for severe degeneration of the spine and stenosis the Vl showed i had 140 copies.  Its been a long battle and hung on to my job in mental health for as long as i could and had to pay 6 grand for a lawyer after being denied disability 3 x.  I'm prolly more sad today than i was the day it happened.  He told me as he was leaving that he used me in the worst way so when i got the "flu" ii wasn't surprised but not knowing that it would be years before getting treatment and diagnosis really took alot out of me.  thanks for caring.  Zach i dont know how to send emails but you seem very nice (and hot) sorry if ur not open to men or bi/gay...  just nice to see a guy who looks so masc be caring too.  Thanks

[Jeff G]

Its a long story, but it started out that my body was able to naturally fight it without detection for a long time.  I had numerous tests and all were negative and VL was undetectable too.  It wasn't until a VL test found it and my persistence.  I was driving across the state to Boston university for many years and the Dr there said she wasn't going to give up on me, so i kept going but my symptoms kept getting worse with no explanation, finally after a MRI for severe degeneration of the spine and stenosis the Vl showed i had 140 copies.  Its been a long battle and hung on to my job in mental health for as long as i could and had to pay 6 grand for a lawyer after being denied disability 3 x.  I'm prolly more sad today than i was the day it happened.  He told me as he was leaving that he used me in the worst way so when i got the "flu" ii wasn't surprised but not knowing that it would be years before getting treatment and diagnosis really took alot out of me.  thanks for caring.  Zach i dont know how to send emails but you seem very nice (and hot) sorry if ur not open to men or bi/gay...  just nice to see a guy who looks so masc be caring too.  Thanks

You are not making much sense ... it does not take 8 years to produce antibody's and test positive ... what did your doctor say about that ?

[clamp413]

They are unsure why except there might be some genetic reasons.  My case is online and one of my specialists tried to get me into NIH study.  in 2009.  My PCP told me he was going to get me back in it, but told me it was up to my specialists, the lack of support from PCP didn't help.   I only stayed with  him because he is the only Dr. in the area that still does pain meds.  I have chronic pancreatitis and other things, that need pain management and thats all he does.  I get way better care in Boston, but its harder to get there because of cost and work needs to be done on my car.  I am continuing to go there for now, but it takes a toll on me. 

[Jeff G]

They are unsure why except there might be some genetic reasons.  My case is online and one of my specialists tried to get me into NIH study.  in 2009.  My PCP told me he was going to get me back in it, but told me it was up to my specialists, the lack of support from PCP didn't help.   I only stayed with  him because he is the only Dr. in the area that still does pain meds.  I have chronic pancreatitis and other things, that need pain management and thats all he does.  I get way better care in Boston, but its harder to get there because of cost and work needs to be done on my car.  I am continuing to go there for now, but it takes a toll on me. 

Can we see a link to your case online ?

[clamp413]

yes...  but please its very sensitive for me... i'm not making any of this up.  I will do it for reason of education but I really dint want people to get pleasure from my pain.  Its been real hard on me.

http://www.vgrd.org/archive/cases/2009/scalp/scalp.htm

[Jeff G]

That is a page from a dermatology clinic site and the only mention I could see of about HIV was that you tested negative .

We have to be very careful about giving out correct information that people can rely on and so far you have not been able to clear up why it took you 8 years to test positive which means you are confused about HIV and the testing window periods, we can help you with that . Please read our lessons on testing .

http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/HIVtests_5029.shtml

I moving your thread into one of its own since it has become something more than what the original sticky thread was intended for .

[Jeff G]

Have you had test done that have conclusively shown you have antibodies for HIV ?

A viral load test is not meant to diagnose HIV and follow up testing is needed to confirm the diagnosis ... What test was used to confirm you have HIV ?   

[Miss Philicia]

Your link has nothing to do with HIV and frankly nothing in this thread makes any sense. On what grounds did you qualify for disability?

[zach]

Zach i dont know how to send emails but you seem very nice (and hot) sorry if ur not open to men or bi/gay...  just nice to see a guy who looks so masc be caring too.  Thanks

did you come on to me?!? bwahahahahaha

oh man, dude, you didn't get hiv from oral, it didn't take eight years to develop

pull yourself together, try again

i am hot though aint i 

i'm guessing because of your reference to stenosis you are having spinal issues, and that is why you pulled me into this... so whats up man, i'll give you a little wiggle room, but i'm not the sensitive type, if your story doesn't add up i'm gonna be brutally honest

[Miss Philicia]

did you come on to me?!? bwahahahahaha

Indeed he did -- and on his 2nd post no less. Classy after ranting about men on Grindr don't you think?

[zach]

i'm gonna have to check this grindr out, good action?

[Miss Philicia]

i'm gonna have to check this grindr out, good action?

adam4adam is more cracked out

[Jeff G]

Aww guys ... we got to stay on topic and help this fellow understand the ins and outs of HIV.
He is free to start a Zach is hottie thread and we can all count the ways we love thee .   

[zach]

@jeff... best idea ever!

ok, back on the rails here

clamp, first of all... don't bullshit us ok. did you just post a placebo song in my thread? it got modded away, that poster was an "am i" not a "living with"

i only ask, because you created the clamp profile shortly after that happened, maybe totally unrelated, i'll give you some benefit of the doubt

so walk us through this. i'll keep this simple, these are yes or no questions

first of all, are you indeed saying you are HIV positive? be clear on that one, it's a sticking point.

second, are you claiming you were infected from giving oral sex?

third, are you claiming it took eight years to confirm that diagnosis?

ok, answer those three, then feel free to fill in the blanks, because right now, it's a gaping hole (and not the good kind)

edited to add... i read the link... the benefit is growing, the doubt is waning... lets talk through this

[mecch]

Hey clamp
Well you sure have been through the wringer?
How is your HIV infection now? Did you get numbers when then finally managed to diagnose you?  And now, how are they? How are you? Do you take ART?

Did your many skin issues clear up?

I think you should introduce yourself as an HIV+ person and generally.

Then you can also open a thread to discuss unfinished business about your transmission, and about online hookups and lying. There are plenty of threads in these forums about those two topics, so you will get some people who will talk it out with you.

But first things first. How is your HIV infection and how is your health now?

[clamp413]

I am choosing not to disclose any more information about myself.  I never brought up grndr i met someone on gay.com my last year of college.  I am not going to waste any more energy trying to prove to strangers that I am sick.  Being honest has gotten me no where. 

I dont need to be told about testing times and classy behavior.  I was a decent person until i let myself get hurt. 

Good luck to you guys and thanks for being honest about your status i guess.

[zach]

settle down man

whether you stay or go is your choice, but you are welcome to stay, no one meant any harm... i would encourage you to reconsider

we can take as good as we give, hang out, the chance will come, you'll enjoy it when you get the chance to dish it back out

except msp, razor sharp and smooth as silk she is, if i ever get a good zinger past i'm gonna crow from the highest mountain

please understand, we have the same initial reaction to your story that doctors did. you've obviously been through a crucible with your health, no one denies that.

if you're hiv positive, say so. it's that simple. we take people at their word. we'll trust you, but you need to trust us a little bit too.

if you choose to stay, you'll have the chance to see just how many people do try to deceive us, for whatever reason that motivates them.

your story is very unique, you can understand our initial reaction?

again, seriously, chill out, we'll back off being catty... c'mon, i thought gay guys were all masters at this game 

[zach]

look, i just read back over the thread

you don't have to answer to me at all

ignore msp and i... the bantor between us, its harmless

he's my man crush in here, it's just flirting

ps... btw... you've now posted 5 times, you can send PMs now...

[Joe K]

Hey Clamps,

You don't have to share anything you do not want to, however, your HIV status DOES matter.  These forums are for those who are infected or affected by HIV and though your health has been challenging, it does not appear to be HIV related.  The forum rules limit where HIV negative members may post and the Living With HIV forum is ONLY for those who have tested positive for HIV.

That's why your HIV status matters.  If you are poz, nobody here cares how you became infected, only that you are poz, just like the rest of us.

Until you can clarify your status, please limit your posting to this thread only.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Joe

[zach]

clamp, if you're lurking, and you read this

come back buddy, lets try this again. we got familiar too quick, we joked around to quick. it's from a place of love, really it is.

we can see when the last time you logged on is, i know you've seen mine and joe's posts. give it some thought, the door is always open, no harm done, no harm meant.

just come back ok, i feel like shit for being a part of possibly running you off. whether you choose to or not, i wish you luck, health, and happiness.