POZ Community Forums

Main Forums => Someone I Care About Has HIV => Topic started by: Loa32 on February 13, 2012, 10:10:12 pm

Title: Help!
Post by: Loa32 on February 13, 2012, 10:10:12 pm

Ive posted this question in another category but its seems to be the wrong category. This is hard for me to be so candid about my relationship but I dont have many people to open up to, so plz dont judge.

My partner is HIV positive. Before we met he would only have unprotected sex with his sex partners. Is this insane behavior?..is he being wrecklesss and putting himself at risk for other stds?? ( hep c, ect) He says this is a common practice among hiv positive men as barebacking is prefferred. he says he hasnt used condoms " in a year"...

We have just started this relationship. We are using condoms and I feel like its hard for him to get used to it. We are long distance, and negotiated some "rules" for when either of us are not together. The rules about sex outside of the relationship were that condoms were absolutely essential. he told me he would bag it up and that i could trust that he would always do this. " I always do what I say Im gonna do" is what he told me.

A couple of days ago, he told me he got drunk and met someone at a bar and had unprotected sex with them. At first he lied about it but then he told me the truth. Is it unfair to expect him to adhere to this? Iam angry ( and jealous) that he broke the rules and deteriorated my trust. I dont want to get any stds.  I care for him alot but not sure how to proceed. I ended the relationship but wondering if I should give it a second chance.

Could someone weigh in. Im feelin a bit naive. How common is it for HIV positive men to be having unprotected sex with one another? is it taking a giant risk? Is he completely irresponsible? Do I give him another chance after he drilled it into me that I could trust him? He feels bad and says it wont happen again, altho I find it hard to believe that he wont. Is it too much for me to ask him to do this if bare sex is preferred?..At this point in the relationship, Im 100% about using condoms and dont see that changing anytime soon..Im feeling like I cant measure up and satisfy him the way prefers. How do we negotiate these terms? do i just say it s ok to have condomless sex with someone like a " buddy" who we both know is std free? ( that seems silly but Im all out of ideas )....A part of me thinks that this basic respect is a deal breaker and the other part just misses him and wants him back. Confused.