POZ Community Forums

Main Forums => Someone I Care About Has HIV => Topic started by: portlandbill on March 30, 2010, 03:10:29 pm

Title: anxious
Post by: portlandbill on March 30, 2010, 03:10:29 pm

Am very new to this but I must say I have found this site a great support and source of useful and informative info over the past two months. I hope I have posted in the correct forum!

My partner was recently diagnosed with HIV - his doctor has suggested that he has been living with the virus for a number of years - CD count was around 320 and VL 26000 at the time of diagnosis - Feb 2010. We have been together since 2004 and, as sure I can possibly be, we have a monogamous relationship.

This diagnosis has come as a complete shock to me and I immediately tested with my results coming back as negative ( I believe it was an antibody test ). My last possible risk was approx. three weeks prior to the test. I am now anxiously awaiting a further test which should be done in May.

We have only engaged in unprotective oral. With me as the receptive partner, ejaculation has occured occasionally into the mouth which has now, since the diagnosis, made me very anxious. I must say that prior to his diagnosis, I have never experienced any " signs and symptoms" - but since,  I have had a heavy cold lasting around five days which was immediately followed by a severe sore throat ( which has been on and off for the past two weeks - at one point it felt like it was burning ), nausea and feeling tired ( possibly down to stress at work ). I have also developed a strange coating on my tongue ( possibly thrush but I must see a GP to have a professional opinion - I am no Doctor) towards the back of my throat which I have never noticed before but it is causing me quite a bit of anxiety which I feel is thus making it worse.

I am trying to remain upbeat and put it all down to stress - I am a natural born worrier anyway and the most trivial of things cause me great concern - I freaked out once that the table napkins were not the same colour as the candles for a dinner party we were having - I digress!

I have read and re-read and read some more about the transmission of the virus and the risks re oral sex. I am trying to focus on my boyfriend and his concerns as he is the one living with HIV and yet, in my mind, I am also very concerned for myself and yet not wanting that to affect my partner. I want to be supportive and to be there for him when he needs me whilst trying to be rational and logical.

Anyway, I waffle too much - the internet is a fantastic source of info but sometimes we read far too much and our crazy minds run wild with all sorts - thanks for reading - any comments would be much appreciated.

Title: Re: anxious
Post by: Ann on April 01, 2010, 09:39:38 am
Hi Bill, welcome to the forums.

Your chances of continuing to test negative are excellent. Oral sex isn't a very efficient mode of hiv transmission for several reasons. The mouth is a very inhospitable place for the virus and saliva contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

Hiv can only infect a very few, very specific types of cells and these cells are not found in abundance in the mouth. As long as you have good oral health and hygiene, your chance of being infected through oral is practically nil.

I hope you know that getting  a blowjob is absolutely NOT a risk for hiv infection.

It can be difficult at first to adjust to a positive diagnosis and I'm glad you're there for your partner. I hope you have shown him this site and encouraged him to join as well. It's a fantastic source of support and information.

Hang in there.

Title: Re: anxious
Post by: portlandbill on April 02, 2010, 10:47:06 am

Hi Ann

thanks for the welcome. I have found myself reading everything on this site and it really is a comprehensive and current source of information re HIV. Your words have been much appreciated.

My partner has received his first set of results since beginning treatment - CD4 up to 450 and VL down to 1600 - he started in Feb so an excellent response to treatment I think ( ? ).

I will encourage him to join the forums too - I know that he has read the posts.

I am now keeping everything crossed for myself next month whilst giving my partner all the support he needs.

Thanks again

Title: Re: anxious
Post by: Ann on April 02, 2010, 12:51:02 pm
You're welcome, Bill.

Your partner has indeed had a good, strong response to treatment. He's going to be ok.

Once your partner's VL becomes undetectable, the chance of your being infected with his virus will dramatically lessen - and in light of the fact that you only engage in oral, you should have no worries about infection at all. This should help ease both of your minds.

If at some point in the future you add anal intercourse to your activities, as long as you use condoms, you will remain hiv negative.

And again, I do fully expect you to continue to test negative.

I look forward to hearing from your partner.