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Main Forums => Someone I Care About Has HIV => Topic started by: minky on March 30, 2010, 08:27:10 am

Title: why me
Post by: minky on March 30, 2010, 08:27:10 am
The phone rang as usual i dreaded to answer thought teh debt collectors or tele markerting pple ,since i didnt want to wake my daughter up i picked up the phone and the lady on the phone requested to speak to my husband i told him he is at work and if she can leave a message and she said she is from the clinic where we had our bloods done for visa purposes .My stomach rumbled i couldnt stand i had to sit i felt dizy i asked her if she was looking for me as well and she said no .Rang hubby told him and his appointment got secheduled ,we went in and they asked him if he wanted me to be there and he said it was okay they introduced themselves and told him that his hiv test came back positive ,i couldnt speak or cry .we  were given pamplets and a letter to go to the hiv clinic .i  was devasteted first i thought of my daughter .I know hiv is not a life sentence and reading other posts here it motivates me .He says he is not ready to talk about it so i am just waiting .I was told to come back after 6wks for another test and already i know i am positive i think i have been sero converting diarroea ,numbness and tingling havent had a cold , thrush .The wait is killing me its been 26 days now since we last had unprotected sex my bowels havent gone back to normal the momet i think about it i race to the toilet .I am trying by all means to look after him by cooking healthy meals he is scared i am gonna leave him t i aint going nowhere i know i have to stay strong for the family we havent told anyone about the results and we dont expect any time soon we want to deal with it first then we will tell family .
Title: Re: why me
Post by: minky on March 31, 2010, 06:52:16 am
I have noticed pple are just reading and noone is replying pliz pple is it that my english is so bad and what i posted doesnt make sense .Pardon me english is my second language
Title: Re: why me
Post by: Boo Radley on March 31, 2010, 08:50:51 am

Your English is fine for this forum and I think many people understand your post and questions.  What's intimidating is the many topics you mention throughout your message!  I'll tackle a few and maybe other posters can take a few more.

Your husband's HIV+ result needs to be followed by more tests to determine other factors that, in toto, provide a better measure of overall immune health.  It's not uncommon for people to experience upset stomach, headaches, dread, fear, etc. so soon after learning news like this.  Have you had thrush?  Although thrush can occur in anyone it is one of the first indicators for many people, or at least people I know/knew.  Also, your symptoms are not consistent with typical seroconversion.

Has your daughter been tested?  Clearly you need to know her status.

Sorry I'm not more helpful but the simple if harsh fact is you will know no more until the next test.  Try to distract yourself as much as possible during this time.  Before my test results I used to repeat endlessly "I am not positive." in my head whenever the thought popped in.  I said it zillions of times.  No one needs more stress than the circumstances already create.

Please let us know how you're doing. 

Title: Re: why me
Post by: minky on March 31, 2010, 09:20:26 am
Thanks Robert .My husbands tests were confirmed by both elisa and western bolt .My daughter is 7yrs so they said  since i tested negative there is no need for her to get tested .I have never had thrush and i am a registered nurse i know what thrush is .Its only that i have been having these so called symptoms my diarroea has stopped and i think i am catching a cold .I am trying to stay strong but at times i am getting so  upset that i end up crying .He gets to go and have his cd4 and vl next week as for me i have to wait till mid April to have another test done .Last night he was so upset that he was accusing me of making him contract hiv ,i was hurt i told him about this website and he said he is not joining it .He has been angry that i am not being intimate with him  but i explained to him that i wasnt ready .I DONT KNOW HOW I CAN HELP HIM he seems to angry with me he doesnt seem to understand what he is putting me through .My only prayer is too be strong for him .
Title: Re: why me
Post by: Moffie65 on April 06, 2010, 06:36:59 pm
Minky,  Peace girl, you are going to worry yourself to death here.  Worrying won't do anything for you until you go through all the details and then find the answers on the other side.  Until then, try to chill a bit, and think about all the folks here who are already HIV+ and living productive and happy lives.  I understand your quandry, and your uncertainty, but you will just have to wait a bit to make any more informed decisions about the future.  Make sure that if you want to have sex with your husband, use a condom, then it will be fine.  There is no possibility that you will become infected if you use a condom.  You can also get quite satisfactory ones now for women also.  Please stay here and check in as things progress.  :)   
Title: Re: why me
Post by: kev72 on April 06, 2010, 07:00:12 pm
Hello Minky,

I was reading through you're post and feel very badly for you. I have been through this similar situation recently but from the reverse. I tested positive and my partner was feeling like you.

For whatever it's worth, he started having all kinds of symptoms like you describe, and was sure he also had HIV. I was in a panic since based my progression, I have been positive for a long time without even knowing it. The guilt I had thinking he would test positive because of me added a major burden on top of my allready bad news. We got his results last week, and he was negative of all STDs. Suddenly all of his symptoms disappeared. I suspect and hope this will be the case with you.

Once you get through the stress of waiting for you're tests, I am sure things will settle down and everything will work itself out fine. Let nature take its course. I think I read in you're post that you want to tell family etc. Just some advice, we went through this when we were in panic mode. I was ready to tell my siblings, etc. because it was such a shock. I held off from telling anyone except my parents. I am glad because now the some time has gone by, the shock is over, I feel it is no ones business. So you may want to hold off on any decisions until a little time goes by. I hope that makes sense.

Good luck, and trust me things will work out, Kev

Title: Re: why me
Post by: davidh on April 10, 2010, 07:38:21 am
Being positive is not a death sentence however beating yourself up over the illness can be.  I contracted full blown aids in 2005 and spent 3 weeks hookedup to IVs, I have a supportive wife but it was my fault getting aids.  I aqired it living on the down low and believe me more men live this way  than you would care to know.  Many men live straight lives and have sex with men as "Experimental" in their minds.  It usually occurs when drinking and hanging out.  Aids can be devastating, the medications can cause all kinds of wierd shit to happen but the choice on how to cope is yours or his.  Get educated about the disease, the biggest barrier Ive found is the mental aspect, it can be more debilitating then the physical. 
Title: Re: why me
Post by: tommy246 on April 12, 2010, 12:20:44 pm
Hi there im married and found i was hiv pos 18 months ago, and had to tell my wife that was the toughest day of my life . But as many people say on these boards time is a great healer take one step at a time we are now much stronger as a couple and things are better than ever. I started meds (atripla ) one tablet a day for life , and have no side effects. Modern meds are excellent and improving all the time so your partner will live a almost normal if not normal lifespan. When i was first diagnosed i went through many emotions its normal anger, sadness, who to blame, guilt , regret etc . I just read all i could on here in the threads and lessons pages and now things have improved to such an extent i rarely think about hiv where as initially i thought about it 24-7. Another one of my major worries was who to tell and  i decided to take time about that decision so not to regret it at a later date and in the end apart from my wife i only told my brother and thats all .This forum has been my help and therapy the people on here have been a magnificent support system, try and get your partner to read it , it really does help.
Title: Re: why me
Post by: Survivor25 on April 21, 2010, 12:26:46 am
 :)I was reading the posts on this subject "why me"  I agree with the advice and the encouraging  words of the ppl on this post.  I remember when I was first diagnosed, i didn't go into a panic, i think it was more shock.  i recall talking with my mom and we decided to take it one day at a time.  i also spoke to my husband (we've been together 20+ years)  it's important to be supportive & loving during this difficult time.  one thing I'm very grateful to my Heavenly father is that he's helped me all these years to deal with the fact that i'm hiv+.  I've only been on this site for several weeks & i agree with tommy246, this site is very helpful & supportive...just take the time to share your thoughts/fears/concerns...i'm sure once you get the hang of it, you'll find a little peace of mind.  my prayer to you is that God will give you the peace & strength to trust HIM.   Keep yourself educated, you will not be disappointed.  be blessed& be strong ;)
Saved by grace. 8)