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Main Forums => Someone I Care About Has HIV => Topic started by: nuetralknow on February 11, 2010, 01:51:46 pm

Title: confused about what to say
Post by: nuetralknow on February 11, 2010, 01:51:46 pm
I recently found out someone very important to me in my life is HIV positive.  I really love this person and it tore me up inside emotionally but of course I did not let them know this. I figured they had enough to deal with to see me cry over them.  I really want to be there for them but I dont know how to go about it... I dont want to touch the subject to much but I feel there must be something I can do to help... if anybody that is going through this or has been on the other side (HIV pos) tell me what it is you would like to hear thanks
Title: Re: confused about what to say
Post by: mpositive on February 11, 2010, 04:11:40 pm
Hugs....a lot of hugs and communication.  Out of the few people that I told, some have not been speaking to me much.  However, it may not be any different than it was before, but for some reason, my mind wanders into negative thinking.  Personally, i wish I had more support from them and frequent reminders that they care.  Call me a sap.....but, I am still trying to get a hold of this.
Please reach out to them as often as possible.  Gently let them know you are there.  Visit with a big hug and shoulder to lean on.
Good luck and I am glad you care enough to ask.
Title: Re: confused about what to say
Post by: Joe K on February 11, 2010, 04:28:00 pm
Simply tell them what you have posted here, as that really says it all.  You care, you want to be there for them, but you don't quite know how to help.  Very honest, caring and direct.  What they need to here is just that and if they don't respond the first time, please don't stop asking.  If they just became poz, their world has been shattered and the first few months are the hardest.  What they need is someone who cares, who is willing to listen, or to just hold them in silence.  Just stay connected and take your ques from them as to what you may be able to do.

The very fact that you care enough to be concerned, will be of immense value to your friend.  At times like these it is very easy to feel like damaged goods and you can never have enough good friends.  You are a true friend and may your kindness be returned to you, multiplied.
Title: Re: confused about what to say
Post by: hotpuppy on February 11, 2010, 06:02:44 pm
I gather from reading your post that they may not know that you know. 

I would encourage you to let this person know that they are an important part of your life and that you care alot about them.

In the meanwhile, you also mentioned that it tore you up.  Sometimes other people take it harder than we do.  HIV and AIDS are not the end of the world.  They are life altering, but more than anything most of us want to be loved, cherished and treated normally.  For most of us our lives go on and we are happy and productive.  I would encourage you to read up and learn what you can.  The magazine itself is a great source of information about the disease.  There are some fantastic tutorials online as well.

For someone who is diagnosed with HIV as of last year... the life expectancy is 40 years with proper treatment and healthy living.  That's a pretty normal lifespan and a far cry from the challenges of 15 years ago when the diagnosis came with a brochure to pick your funeral plot.  It doesn't make it any less of a challenge for the person you are concerned about, but I wanted to put it in perspective that being HIV positive is *almost* like being diabetic or being told you have cancer.  It's treatable, surviveable, and can be dealt with.  At the same time, it has its own rules to contend with. 

It isn't necessary to be dramatic to be there.... just be yourself and make time to spend with this person.  They will see that you are there and that you care and that means alot to someone with HIV.