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Main Forums => Someone I Care About Has HIV => Topic started by: srap7925 on October 20, 2009, 11:45:59 pm

Title: Brother in denial about his condition
Post by: srap7925 on October 20, 2009, 11:45:59 pm
My older brother, 22, has recently been diagnosed with AIDS. He had been in and out of the hospital for the past few months feeling weak & sick. He's 6'3 and down to under 100 pounds.  He's living in denial about the entire situation, I know he's in shock, but he's pretending he doesn't have it. He was released from the hospital yesterday and that night went out to the bar with his friends. I thought this would have been a wake up call to change his life style, which consisted of drugs & drinking, but he's going right back to what brought him to this situation. He's barely telling me what the docter's have told him, what I was able to get from the docter's without getting to specific is that he has AIDS and chronic bacterial pneumonia.

I'm angry at him & not sure how to deal with the situation or help him.
Title: Re: Brother in denial about his condition
Post by: mecch on October 21, 2009, 05:26:40 am
He weighs less than 100 pounds, is 6 3, and has pneumonia? How on earth can he go out drinking? What do his friends think about this? Hes very sick.  Working? Studying? What does he do for money?  No mention of parents in your post.  Health care, a regular doctor?  Insurance? Country?  When did he get that AIDS diagnosis?

Post more info please.
Title: Re: Brother in denial about his condition
Post by: Sebastian1969 on October 21, 2009, 05:54:48 pm
Try not to be angry with him.  People deal with things in differant ways, and if he is not willing to take responsibility for his health, there is not much you can do.  I realize it isn't fair or does it make any sense, but anger will only put a wedge between you guys, and it sounds like you care about him a lot, hide the anger and be there for him.  If he has any friends that are also positive, talk to them and see if they can't get through to him.  He may not be talking to you because he thinks he is protecting you, let him know you want to discuss it when he is ready and talk openly and honestly with him.
Title: Re: Brother in denial about his condition
Post by: srap7925 on October 21, 2009, 11:00:49 pm
He had just recently gotten a job but is now out on medical leave. He doesn't go to school or anything at all. I work full-time & go to school full-time so its hard for me to see him & find out information. Are parent's are not around at all it's just me & my brothers. He hasn't gotten any meds because he just doesn't want too. I told him if it was an issue with money I would do what i could to help him since he doesn't have insurance. I dont know if there is any way to get him on mine? Is there a way I could pull that since I have a great healthplan? I just honestly don't know what to expect. He's not taking it seriously at all. I'm also at a loss since he is refusing to contact any one he has had sex with & let them know. He was just very recently diagnosed & is still very sick, but I feel like it something he needs to do.
Title: Re: Brother in denial about his condition
Post by: Stone on October 22, 2009, 03:34:29 am
You don't indicate if you are in the US or another country but if you are in the US and your other family members share your concern, there is a possibility that you can pursue a chemical dependency commital.  From your post you don't have grounds for an emergency hold (Must be an imminent risk to themself others or property and drinking / using drugs doesn't meet this standard) but you certainly have grounds for a 30 day commital to a health care facility.  I am not going to lie, it gets pretty ugly sometimes, but what you do is contact your county social service agency and they can walk you through it.  If your county doesn't offer this service, contact any chemical dependency counselor or your assistant attorney general and they can explain the process and help you through it.  All states are different but basically you just need to prove that his alcohol and drug usage are adversly affecting his health and he will not stop without intervention. 
Title: Re: Brother in denial about his condition
Post by: mecch on October 22, 2009, 05:23:30 am
What country are you in?
You are supporting him financially? paying his rent and food etc.?
6 3 and less than 100 lb, and pneumonia.  it really is a crsis, you are correct to be worried.
What do you want to hear?  You want to sit down and have a serious if brief conversation and hear what? He tells you he has AIDS? He tells you he is taking tri-therapy and folllowing his doctors advice?  He wants to get his health back?   I think those are the three things you have a right to hear.

All the rest isn't very important for the immediate moment.  You don't need to worry about his partners or what he does with his time, for instance.  

So try to get answers to those questions - maybe get a relative involved or someone he trusts and respects. Or go to a social worker.  He doesn't respect himself or you.  

Finally, however, you don't need to enable his dysfunction - if you don't get that he is trying to help himself, you can send him on his way, painful as that is.  Sounds like a tough situation but pushed against a wall and made to communicate he might give some more details and ask for some help.
Title: Re: Brother in denial about his condition
Post by: onemoretime on November 01, 2009, 10:21:40 pm
from the sound of it he really does not care about hiv,  it sounds like he is on a drug induced death wish.   He is very sick and totally in denial.   this kid wants to it to end..  i mean the bondage of addiciton that he is suffering.  HIV AIDS is probably 2nd in his mind.  I agree in intervention is needed like the show does.    under 100 # 6.2  wow.    good luck with this.. i am thinking of ya