POZ Community Forums

Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: 100proofBrandy on July 24, 2008, 12:02:00 pm

Title: intro
Post by: 100proofBrandy on July 24, 2008, 12:02:00 pm
hello fellow Poz
I have been surfing this site for a few years and thought it was time to introduce myself
my name is Brandy I'm 29 (for the 6th time :) ) actually 35 I've been poz for 11 years and have know for 9 of them. here's Little back ground. 11 years I was a bartender. yeah I was in to the speed at the time it helped with the long hours not an excuse! one night I wanted to get a tattoo a friend of a friend did work so we got together and I jumped into his van ( mistake I was high and wasn't thinking about that I didn't know this guy) we drove all over the place until I was lost ( which isn't hard I get lost in a one way drive Thur) we finally stopped in some junk yard. . .
he pulled a gun ( I wont give details ) the short end of is he raped me for 6 hours I was shot at it went through my hair( I smelled the gun powder for years) and he beat so bad you didn't even know who I was I looked in the mirror and couldn't see me, for what ever reason he drove me back to the bar I worked at and pushed me out of the van and drove off. . . ( please dint feel sorry for me I have come to terms with it and if it hadn't been for the drugs I would have never gotten into the van with him) I was found in my shower by my roommate later that night( she wasn't even sure it was me except I had a tattoo with my daughters name on my back) she cleaned me up and got a few of our friends to help watch me as I recovered. no I didn't go to the police ( I was a bartender who used ) I would have ended up on trial ( I have to live with that ) because a few months later the same guy raped a 13 year old. I ended up moving to the desert Palm springs I got pregnant I was happy and clean and the nightmares had slowed. when one day I got a call for the doctor I needed to come in it was my blood work I didn't think anything of it. I went in

        they put me in a little room all white. . . I waited for the doctor. a lady doctor came not my doctor I had never seen this doctor she say in a voice real low " Brandy do you know what HIV is ?" yes I replied the floor dropped from my feet the room started to spin " she goes on to say " well you have it he res a card go see this doctor" I looked at grabbed my belly and said " my baby" that all I could say she said the new doctor will get you on meds the baby should be fine" and she walked out. . . as I was leaving all the nurses were looking at me like I was a freak show just watching not saying anything... I called my ride I cried for weeks I had thought the only thing the guy had left was nightmares... then I remembered the little girl and my world crushed in on me. the nightmares came back. ( the baby is neg) I didn't got on meds right away after my tests came back I got more news this doctor says " Brandy your counts are concerning you CD4 is 54 and you have cervical cancer " what does this mean I ask " Brandy you have AIDS" and I was thinking it couldn't get worse but the doctor goes on to say I'm sorry but you have about 3 years if you handle the meds well" WHAT. . .

    I thought well if I'm going to die so soon I'm going to go out partying after the baby was born I got bad in drugs for years

one day I woke up cps had taken my kids the boyfriend was god only knew where. . .  I realized that I was killing my self not the decease I checked myself into a recovery home... I try ed to get the kids back but the lovely doctor had reported to the court that I had about 3 years so the judge said he couldn't give them back when I wouldn't live to see them to adulthood. I understand the judges view he didn't know any better he was going on what was best for my children... its been 5 years   yes I'm still clean I'm now in college I'm a psychology major specializing in HIV/AIDS mental health. I an advocate for hiv awareness and mentor to newly hiv poz women at my local hospital... My oldest daughter recently found me and has moved in she is going to college with me in the fall :) and I now have contact with my 15 and 16 , , ,  so all in all things couldn't have turned out better. . . the funny thing is I'm a better person then I was before all this happend. I cant re get what has happend to me because I love the person I am today and I wouldn't be that person if not for the things I went through to get here :)
Title: Re: intro
Post by: 100proofBrandy on July 24, 2008, 12:10:51 pm
just a side note   
my levels are. . .
 undectable CD4 is at 693 at 34% :) I gotten better in just the last 2 years wooooo hoooo
Title: Re: intro
Post by: Winiroo on July 24, 2008, 12:23:39 pm
Welcome to AIDSmeds Brandy. If you'd like to feel free to join in chatting with the ladies,

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=22087.msg283171#msg283171 (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=22087.msg283171#msg283171)
Title: Re: intro
Post by: rick21007 on July 24, 2008, 05:28:40 pm
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!  Been my experience some of the most incredibly awesome people walking on this planet happen to be pozes and in recovery.  I'd bet you'll be a great therapist.

Title: Re: intro
Post by: Longislander on July 24, 2008, 06:07:58 pm
Welcome to the forums, Brandy~

You've been through quite a lot and broken through-congrats on everything you've accomplished !

Title: Re: intro
Post by: Iggy on July 24, 2008, 08:17:59 pm
Thank you for sharing your story with us Brandy.

Welcome to the boards!

P.S.  I like your handle.
Title: Re: intro
Post by: J.R.E. on July 24, 2008, 08:49:07 pm

Hello And Welcome !

Title: Re: intro
Post by: weasel on July 24, 2008, 11:02:14 pm
HI brandy !
                    wishing you the best !

  I also snooped around this web page for a while before ever joining !
  Now I feel comfortable trying to post pictures !

It IS a wonderful outlet !

                                wish I had the brains for school !

Title: Re: intro
Post by: rondrond on July 25, 2008, 01:44:20 am
Hi Brandy,

Thank you for sharing....


Title: Re: intro
Post by: DCGUY2007 on July 25, 2008, 05:43:33 am

Thanks for sharing your story. Sorry you had to go through so much. But wow things seem to be looking good for you now. Welcome  8)
Title: Re: intro
Post by: BT65 on July 25, 2008, 08:25:26 am
Brandy, I loved your story and can relate to you on many fronts trust me.  Please consider joining us in the women's forum, specifically the dating thread.  It's not all about dating; it's where we ladies share our daily lives, struggles, victories and support each other.  We're a good group.
Title: Re: intro
Post by: GSOgymrat on July 25, 2008, 09:38:01 am
Welcome, Brandy. Thanks for sharing your story. You are a survivor in more ways than one.

Title: Re: intro
Post by: BlueMoon on July 25, 2008, 12:55:28 pm
That's quite a story.  Welcome to the site.
Title: Re: intro
Post by: Texan38 on July 25, 2008, 01:23:52 pm
Wow, thanks so much for sharing your story.

Title: Re: intro
Post by: 100proofBrandy on July 26, 2008, 02:30:43 pm
Thank you all so much for the warm welcome :)
Title: Re: intro
Post by: Peter Staley on July 27, 2008, 03:41:01 pm
Brandy -- thank you for sharing your story here.  You're an inspiration, pure and simple.

I hope you'll keep posting here!

Peter Staley