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Main Forums => Someone I Care About Has HIV => Topic started by: tornado on July 09, 2007, 09:35:12 am

Title: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: tornado on July 09, 2007, 09:35:12 am
Hi,

1st of all, thanks for this web site.  I would have gone absolutely crazy if it werenít for this online community.  To be sure, this is my first post.

Ok, hereís the deal.  I met a wonderful woman about 3 months ago.  I feel we have hit it off really well, and I really like like her.  Sheís HIV positive and Iím negative.  We are lesbians.  We havenít had real sex yet.  Iím going to a HIV doctor today to get some straight answers about this type of relationship.

But since Iím impatient and a little weary of doctors, I want to ask you guys some things:

1.   What is the occurrence rate of lesbians transmitting HIVÖand donít give me that example of a couple who transmitted it via toys that had blood on themÖ..isnít there any more data besides that?
2.   Is kissing really not a risk?  What about if you both eat Doritos or other crunchy things right before a French kiss?
3.   Oral sex:  do we really have to use dental dams every single time?
4.   Are there others here who are lesbians? Any advice?
5.   I want to hear from those who have seroconverted from a positive partner.  What do you really think about that?  Are you mad or upset?  Are you still with that poz partner?

Thanks in advance for reading this and if you respond, Iíll give you good vibes in the universeÖ..karma.

tornado
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: Dan J. on July 09, 2007, 09:49:38 am
Hi Tornado & welcome to the forums!

I don't know the answer to your first question, but Iam sure someone will chime in with one soon.

Kissing isn't a risk & if you want to pass a dorito from your mouth to hers it will be ok.

Don't know anything about oral sex & hiv transmission from awith a woman because I've never had sex with one to know... Again somebody will answer soon.

My seroconversion was way back in the '80's & to tell you the truth I can't remember much about it. Heck, I can't remember what I ate for dinner last night!   I wasn't infected by a partner , at least I think it wasn't him.  I amnot mad at him, why should I be? If it was by him he didn't know, hell I could have infected him. We found out at the same time in 1986.

Anywho, Just wanted to say Hey Girl! Welcome, we glad you are here! We need more of our lesbian sisters around here.


Dan J.  :)
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: Sky on July 09, 2007, 10:22:32 am
1.   What is the occurrence rate of lesbians transmitting HIVÖand donít give me that example of a couple who transmitted it via toys that had blood on themÖ..isnít there any more data besides that? Transmission between lesbians is very low risk.
2.   Is kissing really not a risk?  What about if you both eat Doritos or other crunchy things right before a French kiss? Kissing is very low risk.  Eating and drinking isn't a risk either
3.   Oral sex:  do we really have to use dental dams every single time? The incidence of transmission through oral sex is quite low, however, it never hurts to be on the safe side of things
4.   Are there others here who are lesbians? Any advice? There may be, but my posting time is so low cuz of school I can't answer this question
5.   I want to hear from those who have seroconverted from a positive partner.  What do you really think about that?  Are you mad or upset?  Are you still with that poz partner? I sero'd from my partner back in 2003.  It was a mess that could have been avoided, but here I am.  I was very upset because I was lied to about it.  I am not longer with him.
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: Ann on July 09, 2007, 10:53:40 am
Hi Tornado,

I've moved your thread to the "Someone I Care About" forum, which is a more appropriate forum for your situation.

1.   What is the occurrence rate of lesbians transmitting HIV…and don’t give me that example of a couple who transmitted it via toys that had blood on them…..isn’t there any more data besides that?

No, there really isn't any more data than that, simply because there is nothing to document. Hiv transmission between lesbians is rare in the extreme.

2.   Is kissing really not a risk?  What about if you both eat Doritos or other crunchy things right before a French kiss?

Kissing is not a risk, no matter what sort of spin you want to put on it. Not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

3.   Oral sex:  do we really have to use dental dams every single time?

No, you don't have to use them at all. Cunnilingus is NOT a risk for hiv transmission. The "fluid" that can be infectious is actually a thick mucus that covers and protects the cervix. You won't come into contact with this (unless you have a ten inch tongue and if that's the case, I want your contact details ;) ) The fluids a woman produces when sexually aroused come from two gland on either side of the vaginal opening and have not been shown to be any more infectious than sweat or tears. (Sweat and tears aren't infectious)

Most of the woman to woman hiv transmissions have been between women who have shared drug injecting equipment. Really, this is the only thing you need to avoid. Hiv is a very fragile, difficult to transmit virus.

Good luck with your relationship. Hiv does not have to be a barrier to a full life together. You might want to check out our Welcome Thread (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=277.0) where you'll find links to other sections of this website, such as the Lessons.

Ann
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: tornado on July 09, 2007, 07:35:28 pm
thanks a lot everyone who replied.  and ann, i have NEVER been good at organization...you can move my posts to mars if you have to.  :P

i went to the doc later today and got the EXACT same advice you guys are giving.  and i got a free box of latex gloves!

finally, question: am i supposed to recycle my threads here?  like, if i want to come back here and talk some more about my poz/neg relationship, am i supposed to re-use this thread?

sending warm and fuzzy karma out to you all...

tornado
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: xyahka on July 09, 2007, 09:42:22 pm
i think you can also start new threads if the topic you want to talk about is different to this one.

cheers and welcome to the family

Juan Carlos
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: Ann on July 10, 2007, 05:26:20 am
Hello again Tornado,

I don't think moving your threads to Mars will be necessary, but you never know so I'll keep your permission in mind. ;D

Why were you given latex gloves? Fingering or any kind of mutual masturbation is also not a risk for hiv infection. If my partner came anywhere near me with latex gloves on, all hell would break loose. I really hope you read this before you try the gloves out on your partner - you'll insult the hell out of her with them. Don't throw them out though, they might come in handy for painting or other mucky jobs around the house.

As for new threads, yes, if it's a different subject, start a new thread. If you want to talk more about hiv transmission and prevention, use this thread.

Ann
xxx
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: anniebc on July 10, 2007, 08:52:56 pm
Hi Tornado

Welcome to the forums.

I agree with Ann regarding the Latex gloves, I can't imagine for the life of me why they gave them to you..they certainly don't belong in the bedroom..unless of course you are thinking of painting the walls...if anyone came near me with them they would end up eating carpet with my foot on their neck... ;)

Hope you stay around.

Hugs
Jan :-*
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: tornado on July 11, 2007, 10:36:23 pm
ok, ok ok!  i'll think twice about using gloves....but don't you think it's sort of kinky in a good way?  maybe not.

the doc gave me the gloves after i asked for some.  the doc said that i could take the entire box.  interestingly though the doc said that penetration may be a risk....b/c of the cervix....

to be honest, i'm not a good planner when it comes to sex.  i tend to follow my bliss.  so, this is new to me.  what do you think about that?  isn't it difficult to plan something that is so sensual?....you follow what feels good ( :o ), you know?
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: Ann on July 12, 2007, 07:30:15 am
Hi Tornado,

Well, the gloves could possibly be a kinky turn-on and that's something you'd have to discuss with your girlfriend - BEFORE you try to use them with her. I know what my answer would be (NO WAY!) but your gf might feel differently.

Hiv cannot get through intact skin. Even if you have small cuts on your fingers, it's nothing to worry about. My partner works in the construction trade and he's always got cuts and nicks on his hands. We've been together for eight years and he's still negative. The only barrier we use is condoms for intercourse, something you won't need to worry about in your relationship. But please know that I'm not telling you anything that I don't practice in my own life. Neither fingering nor cunnilingus are risks for hiv infection.

And I agree with you - spontaneous sex is always the best. When ever it's planned for, things always seem to conspire to thwart even the best laid plans. ::)

Ann
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: tornado on July 20, 2007, 02:18:11 pm
hi all.  especially ann  ;D

i'm here again b/c i need to be re-assured and i'd rather not ask my new girlfriend to do that.

IS KISSING REALLY OK?

IS ORAL SEX REALLY OK?....me receiving....  8)   :o
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: Ann on July 20, 2007, 04:08:00 pm
Tornado,

Kissing is fine. Oral is fine. Re-read your entire thread for more reassurance.

It sounds like you're still seeing each other, so... :)

Ann
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: tornado on July 24, 2007, 01:41:09 pm
yeah, everything's going fine.  sometimes i freak out and think my throat is sore and i check my lymph nodes, but most of the time, i'm totally ok with kissing and other stuff.

i hate to say it, i'm an impulsive and risky person anyway, so the fact that my awesome new gf is poz is good and bad in my situation.  i just don't care sometimes....especially when i'm really turned on...physically and emotionally. 

as always, again, thanks for this forum.
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: Ann on July 24, 2007, 06:39:44 pm
Tornado,

Unless one of you grows a penis and you proceed to have unprotected intercourse with each other, you'd really have to work at it to become infected through sexual activity. It certainly isn't going to happen through kissing, fingering or cunnilingus.

Ann
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: milker on July 25, 2007, 12:36:01 am
Tornado,

Unless one of you grows a penis and you proceed to have unprotected intercourse with each other
My lesbian neighbors have a a penis straw.. they tried to make me suck on it yesterday but I refused. The balls were too small!

Milker.
Title: Re: wazzzzzup? need advice and stuff
Post by: tornado on August 01, 2007, 02:49:50 pm
ya know, i have to ask.  why on earth would a lesbian have a penis straw?  unless that's some sort of slang for a dilly or turkey baster...