POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Moffie65 on August 31, 2006, 01:31:54 pm
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I seldom have two threads going here at any one time, but please indulge me, read on, and find out why..
Recently, I posted a copy of my column that I write once a month for a very conservitive Mormon owned paper, in a very conservitave military environment.
Today started out with those really dull, but intense pains in the gut that make you bend over in pain. It isn't anything you ate, not nausea, not because you didn't sleep, not an ulcer or anything else you can place your index onto. It just feels really shitty. I came into the computer and sat for awhile, transcribing the Tim Horn Presentation from Montreal; and then went to eat breakfast. Opened the door of the fridge, and almost puked. I thought, 'this is going to be a laugh riot keeping the drugs down this morning'. >:( I walked outside after that and enjoyed a few minutes of sun, and came back in to change into my cutoffs, and spray the weeds. Loads of them, as we have already had the equivilant of our three month monsoons in August. Finish that and sit down in front of the TV just wrung out. I need to change the plug wires on the car, the shock absorbers on another, but I just don't have the energy to clean the bathroom; let alone do car maintenence.
I am having a difficult time to stay chipper these days, for more reasons than I would care to share right now, however none of them seem any more important than any other. Just too much on the plate, and a body that isn't cooperating in the least. Mind you, yesterday was fun and I got a lot accomplished, it just so happens this shit is so unpredictible that it just works my last gay nerve.
I want to come here and share, but seldom do, simply because I am not always confident anyone cares, and at the same time, don't want to bother people with my shit. Hell, we all have it and much of the time for some of us.
Then I go back to my posted August Column, and I read the responses to the article, and one by one, people that I have come to know and love, have come into the thread and left a few words of encouragement, and suddenly I am speechless, and crying all over my keyboard. I have heard nothing but praise for this website, and I simply never want to hear otherwise. It just blows me out of the water that anyone else really cares what I write, as so many times here locally, few have read a column with the heading "Living with HIV/AIDS".
Truly you have given me strength. I had a toke to numb the feet a bit, filled my quart sized water mug, set up the ironing board, iron and stool, tuned the TV to Star Trek; and now I am all set to iron that pile of shirts over there on the chair.
Please understand that the strength and support we share here is absolutely "Priceless" and that the energy we expend to each other, trancends this medium. That is the best HAART I know of.
In Love.
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Tim,
Post everything, both the good and the bad. On your good days, I cheer for you that things are going well, and on the bad days--I cry for you because I know what it feels like.
I toast you with my quart size, bright green water jug!!
Christine
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Tim,
You are loved more than you know!
You have been my inspiration and helped me more than anyone!
I hope the nausea subsides and you feel better soon!
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs
Teresa
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{{{Moffie}}}
I hope you can post more often about the stuff going on in your life, your health, your heart.I have a really bad habit of putting people like yourself on a pedestal. And though my admiration and respect for you borders on awe, what means most is your humanity. The realness of you.
I have seen you as a mentor and a leader and an inspiration on these boards and in Montreal. If you would trust and respect me (and the rest) here enough to be a friend, I would be honored even further.
You are so damned cool.
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I love reading Moffie's posts and blogs, and now, his Column, and I look foreward to meeting The Man someday..
I hope you feel better soon, a Joint and an epsode of Star Trek has been known to work miracles...
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Please feel better soon... on these sort of days, (and this was your advice to me not too long ago..) love yourself enough to slow down, and rest... its ok !!!
i love you so much more then you will ever know.. your place in my heart too much for words!!
love, respect, and kisses!!!
lisbeth
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post what you can and when you can, just know we are here cheering for you. if you post good or bad either way someone gets a lesson from it. as far as repairs and cleaning goes can anyone help you? if not you know it will be waiting for you when you feel better i know mine waits on me (darn it anyway). hope you are feeling better soon take care
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:-* Love you!!!
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Thanks for that no frills update, Moffie. Wishing you well with getting through and keeping on.....
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Big bear hugs for you Tim. Thinking of you.
John
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Moffie, I come here for many the same reasons. I can post as little or as much as I like and I'm loved and accepted either way. I read (listened) to your article this morning but didn't post because to be honest your knowledge and everything you type usually leaves me in a state of awe with little to say. I often don't respond to threads because I don't know how to put my thoughts into words. Please don't ever hold back. Post, post away my friend.
Take care.
Cheers to better days with more energy (and no more weeds)
Jeff
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Tim
You have pm-ed me some beautiful messages and words of advice in the past that I have never forgotten. I even tried the mirror thing once! ;) You are one of the reasons I deeply regret not being able to make it to this years AMG. By hook or by crook I will not be missing next years, so you better be there!
I'm sorry things are so difficult for you just lately. It's ok to bother us with your shit, as you so eloquently put it. Heck, I for one have bothered you and others here enough with mine! Even you are only human!
Thinking of you. And as we say in Greek to wish someone better: Perastika!
Melia :)
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Tim,
Get the rest your body needs, and the peace your mind deserves. You will find that happy balance, it's just getting there that's going to be rough. All you can do is take things one day at a time, and live today for today.
Induldge yourself and don't do everything on that "to do" list all in one shot. Get it done when you can, not when you feel the need to.
You are a beautiful writer, and I enjoy reading your posts as you give a lot of thought into what you want to say.
*hugs and smooches* coming your way all the way from FTL Florida!! :-*
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Hi Tim,
The honest living put into words like yours brings me here. Many tears of sorrow, sympathy and joy have I found in what my brothers and sisters here share. Simple words and impressions haunt me from here and carry me through a daily experience with others that lacks the understanding I experience here. I sometimes don't know what to say and other times I feel moved to have a voice. I also fear laying my burden on others and I want to share the happiness I experience as well.
One of my proudest moments recently was doing the copper plumbing for a pedestal sink in my bathroom. I have also started ripping up my asphalt driveway with a shovel (of course now I am in bed all day.) My energy and desire surpasses my body, my abilities and my health!
Love,
Andrew
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Tim do not forget that I have a White Owl above mine and Will's bed. Named "Moffie"... ;)
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Well, you guys have done it again!
One phone call, three PMs, and these anwers all together substiantiate one hell of a good will aimed at Southern Arizona today. Thanks to all of you, I found the strength to uncover the Wally World pool today, and have about an hour of just relaxing and toasting a bit. This always brings me good feelings and to see the view from the air mattress today and always, feels good and brings me relaxation.
Thanks one and all, you certainly know how to take care of this old queen.
Here is the shot I took after getting out of the pool today, isn't it just amazing? The mountains under all the clouds are where Cochise hid out when the "White Man" slaughtered his family right in front of him. Such history.
In Love and Total Appreciation for Friends!
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Damn nice pic Moff...You don't see that in Phoenix! Hope you are feeling well my friend. Some days, as I think we are all too well aware, are better then others. Maybe we should have a tread "Bitch here, and move on"(LoL) I wish you all the best! God knows you deserve it, after all That you do for others!
A big HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Yes, Jeff...
This is one very beautiful place to live and it was chosen based on the surroundings. The High Desert is just so beautiful at this time of the year, and when the mountains get snow in the winter, well, it just seems like icing on the cake.
In Love.
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Tim,
We were sitting here last night discussing the latest twist in his health and I heard myself saying, "Well, Moffie says........". I smiled cause just earlier I had read your post, questioning your own validity and worth as you so often do. Struggling with such issues myself, I know it is sometimes hard to believe that you are of value to anyone. I hope today isn't one of those days. I love, respect and cherish you in my life. Thanks for always keeping it real my friend.
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ TIM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
:-*
Dan
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Tim.
I think that the greatest thing about this place is that you can just spill your guts. There are plenty of great people with even greater energy who are more than willing to chime in with support and hugs. If in some rare event - which I have yet to see occur - no one picks up the torch, at least you will have gotten a load off your shoulders, which is as important. There should be no apologies for living, especially when you are graceful and considerate about it, as you have been with your posting.
*HUGS*
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Tim,
I am soooo jealous of your surroundings!! Wow!! Breathtaking!! Please, don't take for granted how beautiful it is there... You could be here in South Florida where the sun doesn't always shine and no beautiful mountains to look at.
I'm glad you got to relax today.
Lots of love,
Iz
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Us rookies especially look up to you Moffie. every time I think of doom and gloom I think of you and your never give up attitude! You are priceless to me and a symbol of hope. I love reading your well thought out and highly insightful posts. I hope one day it will be my honor to meet you in person.
Andrew
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Hello Moffie, it is Eldon. Thank you for sharing with us in your post. I too lived in Southern Arizona for about (4) four years,,,and YES the surroundings are beautiful. Would I do it again and live there? YES. Truly inspiring post(s).
Have the BEST Day!