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I tested positive last Friday

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glove:
I had a really hard weekend. I havenít told anyone yet but the doctor who diagnosed me was great and his partner has HIV and that helped. Iíve already had problems with depression my whole life and this has really activated it.

My health peripherals were good and I went right on antivirals. My doctor said 100% Iíd become undetectable.

Iím struggling with so many things. Part of the reason Iím here is because there are parts of my sexuality that were hard to share with people, especially my family. And Iím very close with them. There has been a lot of ground trail blazed around being gay but not a great playbook or one that I saw to say ďhey I like 3somes and trans womenĒ and it didnít get much easier when my partners never really responded well when I confided that to them.

There are parts of my life that Iíve excelled at and other parts that have been so messy and iím just afraid to be viewed as just way too messy by some people that have even stuck by me.

Part of me acknowledges that I should feel grateful that this isnít a death sentence. I am worried about the side effects that Iíve read and basically aging faster and dying a little earlier. But iím someone that likes to make calculations to feel comfortable and there are too many unknowns to make these calculations.

Iíve been a bit of a lone wolf in some ways in my life and Iíve never minded spending a lot of time alone. But right now Iíve never felt more alone, I have resources. Iím talking with my therapist today but I just wanted to put myself out there a bit here because I know some people have probably grappled with some of these same things.

Jim Allen:
Hiya,

Sorry to hear about the diagnosis but glad to hear you have started treatment and have support from a therapist.

As for side effects, I think it's normal to have some concerns at first but you should not be expecting anything that can't be managed outside of settling in.

I presume you have started on first-line treatment...What combination of meds did you start on?


--- Quote ---My doctor said 100% Iíd become undetectable.
--- End quote ---

Sure, you should be fully expecting that the combination you are starting will suppress the viral load with time, if not then you can switch treatment so, it's not something to stress about at this point in time.

What was your starting viral load?


--- Quote ---Iíve read and basically aging faster and dying a little earlier. But iím someone that likes to make calculations to feel comfortable and there are too many unknowns to make these calculations.
--- End quote ---

Yeah, you could be hit by a bus tomorrow and that would cut life short, what I mean is life is full of unknowns, always will be, but that aside thankfully a lot is known about HIV treatment, how comorbidities impact us and how treatment has extended our expected lifespans as a group to near normal.


--- Quote ---Iím struggling with so many things. Part of the reason Iím here is because there are parts of my sexuality that were hard to share with people, especially my family. And Iím very close with them. There has been a lot of ground trail blazed around being gay but not a great playbook or one that I saw to say ďhey I like 3somes and trans womenĒ and it didnít get much easier when my partners never really responded well when I confided that to them.
--- End quote ---

Sorry to hear that your partners in the past have not responded well. I hope that one day you meet a partner who is comfortable with who you are.

Take it easy.

Jim 

glove:
Thanks Jim


--- Quote ---I presume you have started on first-line treatment...What combination of meds did you start on?
--- End quote ---

Just 1, Dovato


--- Quote ---What was your starting viral load?
--- End quote ---

191,000


--- Quote ---Yeah, you could be hit by a bus tomorrow and that would cut life short, what I mean is life is full of unknowns, always will be, but that aside thankfully a lot is known about HIV treatment, how comorbidities impact us and how treatment has extended our expected lifespans as a group to near normal.
--- End quote ---

I'm pretty good at ignoring things that I have no control of and making the best of things and am understanding and accepting of people for the best and worst of them. I'm much more worried about how potential partners will view me. And thinking through when to tell people. I think those are more of the calculations I'm referring to. How others will view me around this potentially shorter lifespan and risks. (even if I can understand well that they are negligible)

I think that's my biggest struggle right now I'm 36 and haven't chosen the best partners or been the best at meeting people generally so this feels like another obstacle for something that already felt really daunting.

Jim Allen:
Dovato  8) So the two-drug therapy. The Dolutegravir in Dovato isn't everyone's cup of tea but generally speaking, you should not be expecting issues.


--- Quote --- I'm much more worried about how potential partners will view me. And thinking through when to tell people.
--- End quote ---


--- Quote ---I think that's my biggest struggle right now I'm 36 and haven't chosen the best partners or been the best at meeting people generally so this feels like another obstacle for something that already felt really daunting.
--- End quote ---

Right, so you know I have a few thoughts on this, however, I am out and about using my phone to post, so ill reply later today when I get home to my laptop.

Don't want you to think I am ignoring you.

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