Worried in extreme amounts help asap

[belebe92]

OK so here's my situation

I have my girlfriend who after 22 days starting our relationship got an HIV/STD test that came non reactive in both. After that I did unprotected oral sex to her feeling like everything's ok. After that I developed some sort of white stuff in the back of my mouth (I could pick it) and slightly sore throat, also painful node. I became full paranoid because of my HIVphobia. I asked her when was her last exposure before me and she said 12 months before test but well didn't work for my mind. Seven weeks after exposure I got a DUO test that came non reactive also. Nurse told me that by seven weeks it's impossible I have the virus and if I really had it then it'd show up two or one positive. Up to today I'm still freaked out because the same node is painless (soft) and I believe there's another one growing which yeah..makes me feel way worse. I talked with an aunt (she's a doctor) and she said there's nothing to be worried about, my test is conclusive, hers is ok and that my nodes should be allergy. My question is...is there something I should be worried about?

[Jeff G]

The oral sex you had with your girlfriend was not a risk for HIV , no one in the history of HIV has ever got HIV from preforming oral sex on a woman and you wont be the first .
You can relax and count your HIV test as conclusive if this is your only concern in the last 3 months .

Hiv transmission doesn't stand a chance of happening via female genitals to mouth - there are just too many obstacles on the oral route.

The first obstacle is the mouth itself. The mouth is a veritable fortress, standing against all sorts of pathogens we come into contact with every minute of our lives. It's a very hostile environment and saliva has been shown to contain over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv.

Hiv is a very fragile virus - literally. Its outer surface doesn't take kindly to changes in its preferred environment; slight changes in temperature, moisture content and pH levels all damage the outer surface. Importantly, it needs this outer surface to be intact before it can latch onto a few, very specific cell types and infect. 

Which leads to the second obstacle. Hiv can only latch onto certain types of cells, cells which are not found in abundance in the mouth.

The third obstacle to transmission this way is having hiv present in the first place. The female secretion where hiv has been shown to be present is the cervicovaginal fluid. This fluid is actually a thick mucus that covers and protects the cervix.

The fluid a woman produces when sexually excited comes from the Bartholin's glands, located on either side of the vaginal opening. I have yet to discover one shred of evidence (and believe me, I've looked) that shows this lubricating fluid to have any more hiv present than other bodily secretions such as saliva, sweat or tears. Saliva, sweat and tears are NOT infectious fluids.

So there you have it. Once the results of the serodiscordant studies started rolling in, what we know about hiv transmission on the cellular level was validated. The only people who were getting infected were those who had unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. Period. One of the three studies went on for ten years and involved hundreds of couples


As long as you use condoms for vaginal and anal sex you will avoid HIV , its really that simple .

[belebe92]

So with your explanation and with her test (both HIV & STD) coming negative I can keep calm? I'm really stressed and anxious. Also developed recently a strong flu (maybe because I haven't had any flu shots in the last 3 years?) and also stomach/digestive problems which I attribute to my stress.

Also she'll be tested right in june just to make me feel peace (I know I can't rely on partner's result but she's the only one I've got intercourse so far), other than that 'risky' stuff have been getting piercings done which was with new needles and new pieces.

I have to thank you a lot. Honestly I have about 7 months stressed out because of my phobia towards HIV (long story emotional trauma) but on june it'll end.

[jkinatl2]

So with your explanation and with her test (both HIV & STD) coming negative I can keep calm? I'm really stressed and anxious. Also developed recently a strong flu (maybe because I haven't had any flu shots in the last 3 years?) and also stomach/digestive problems which I attribute to my stress.

Also she'll be tested right in june just to make me feel peace (I know I can't rely on partner's result but she's the only one I've got intercourse so far), other than that 'risky' stuff have been getting piercings done which was with new needles and new pieces.

I have to thank you a lot. Honestly I have about 7 months stressed out because of my phobia towards HIV (long story emotional trauma) but on june it'll end.

Well you have had no risk in anything you have done, and you have gotten this poor girl to take an HIV test FOR YOU already. I have doubts that she will be treated like a leper/pariah forever.

Browbeating your partners into getting multiple HIV tests (I am sure YOU took one too, of course, otherwise you'd be a terrible person) is not the way to stay negative. Understanding safer sex and HIV transmission, however, is.

I am sorry if I seem harsh, but treating your sexual partners as though they were poison does not bode well for either of you.

[belebe92]

It's just a second one to make sure and she's my only partner so far and is trying to help me get through this phobia. I told her if my mind didn't ease I'd go with a psychologists.

[jkinatl2]

It's just a second one to make sure and she's my only partner so far and is trying to help me get through this phobia. I told her if my mind didn't ease I'd go with a psychologists.

You should consider a therapist regardless. This level of anxiety regarding HIV is far from healthy, and I fear that mere "testing" will not allieve it in the long run.

A lot of it might stem from the fact that you have no way of knowing whether your partner is cheating on you when you are not around, and getting HIV/giving it to you. This has less to do with HIV and more to do with trust and jealousy and control. These are all things a good therapist could really help you overcome.

[Jeff G]

It's just a second one to make sure and she's my only partner so far and is trying to help me get through this phobia. I told her if my mind didn't ease I'd go with a psychologists.

HIV is not your problem and you need to seek professional help for your phobias . You are ignoring the science that demonstrates that you didn't have a risk and you do not have HIV . You are making your problem her problem and passing it off as she is trying to help you . You need to help yourself and realize that if you truly care for your girlfriend you would stop asking her for help and instead help her by taking responsibility and getting the help you need . I don't mean to sound so harsh but you are wasting precious time that could be better spent on doing what you need to do to get better , life is short so don't choose to spend it this way . 

You are suffering needlessly by not seeking help but sadly there is little more we can do for you here .