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Author Topic: Worried, Worried, Worried  (Read 3321 times)

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Offline 931026

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Worried, Worried, Worried
« on: October 12, 2012, 06:46:58 pm »
Hey,
I'm very sad that I have to be here asking this question and worrying about the risk i have put myself at.  Let me just start off by saying that this site has been extremely helpful to me during this time of stress and scouring the web for answers, and i appreciate all the time and dedication all of you put in to helping people. 

With that said, here is my situation.  A little over four weeks ago I met up with a guy that I had met online a while back.  We briefly engaged in oral sex and I agreed to have anal sex with him (me being the receptive partner.)  He seemed adamant about protection because he mentioned wearing a condom before I was able to say anything about it.  He was pressing up against me trying to penetrate, and i decided that I didn't want to have sex.  I turned around, and upon turning around I see him cover up really quick. This concerned me deeply.  I don't know why I didn't confront him at that moment, but I didn't.  Despite his persuasive tactics I decided not to have sex with him but after trying to penetrate he did finger me briefly. I asked him about it later and he tells me he was wearing a condom and he never penetrated me, but I am pretty sure he wasn't.  I asked the guy to be tested and he says he was tested last month because he is going into the military as a medic.  I know for sure he is a medic but i don't know if he is going into the military because he has said that for the past year now. He refuses to show me any proof of his status and has told me to leave him alone. I got tested an STD screening the day after and an HIV test at weeks four.  I know the HIV test is in no way conclusive but it gave me temporary peace of mind.  So here are my questions..

1.  Is there a certain amount of penetration that can occur without me being sure of it?

2. If he got precum on the entrance of my anus and then fingered me could that be a risk for transmission?

3. I talked to the lady at the clinic and she said this was a high risk. Would attempted penetration be high risk?

Oh yeah, I also came down with something very similar to a cold at week 3...I appreciate any feedback I can get, thanks.
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Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Worried, Worried, Worried
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2012, 10:49:59 pm »
WHat you described is absolutely NO RISK at all.

There's every chance that the guy covered himself up because A) he was self conscious about being naked and B) He felt judged by you - which, going by your post, he had every reason to worry.

Here's a thing. Stop treating your sex partners like viral dumping grounds and try respecting them as people. This guy certainly did that with you by suggesting condoms - an act that from your post means you suspected him for THAT.

There was and is absolutely no risk in the events as you have detailed them. Bit I would submit that you are not quite ready for anal sex with this person yet, since you cannot seem to understand the process - which is, ASSUME YOUR PARTNER IS POSITIVE.

THAT is what your prospective partner was doing. THAT is what adults do. Please wear a condom for penetrative sex. IF you are unsure about your partner, then reach down there periodically and make sure there's a condom. You can do it in such a way that does not telegraph "I am a paranoid ass." It simply takes tact.

There is no reason to worry about HIV in the scenario you described.
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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline 931026

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Re: Worried, Worried, Worried
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2012, 11:26:58 pm »
Thank you so much for your response.  I know I am coming off as an a** but I do have a few reasons to question the veracity of this guy.  I have a feeling that he didn't wear a condom, because I had already seen him naked! I wasn't suspicious of him UNTIL I had turned around.

But I was just curious, IF he wasnt wearing a condom and he was pressing up against me, could some type of penetration occured without me being for certain? And also if he got precum at the entrance of my anus and then fingered me, furthermore pushing the precum in further, is that a risk?
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Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Worried, Worried, Worried
« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2012, 01:06:34 am »
Nothing you report, from fingering with precum to pressing against your anus is a risk.

The above acts count as frottage, which is zero risk or HIV. Had he entered you, I deduce you would have felt it. It's rather unmistakable.

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline 931026

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: Worried, Worried, Worried
« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2012, 01:12:50 am »
Okie dokie. This has definitely helped relieve my anxieties. Thank you for your time.  I have learned a lot from this forum and have nothing but the utmost respect for what you guys are doing here.  I am a broke college student at the moment, but as soon as I get the chance, I will make a donation.

                   Be blessed,
                            Anonymous
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Offline jkinatl2

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  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Worried, Worried, Worried
« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2012, 01:21:11 am »
Quote from: 931026 on October 13, 2012, 01:12:50 am
Okie dokie. This has definitely helped relieve my anxieties. Thank you for your time.  I have learned a lot from this forum and have nothing but the utmost respect for what you guys are doing here.  I am a broke college student at the moment, but as soon as I get the chance, I will make a donation.

                   Be blessed,
                            Anonymous

Heu you know what? Forget that donation. Just wear a condom and tell other people to do the same. A little bit of outreach is worth more than money!

Just spread the word!

Logged
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread
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