HIV, Fertility Issues, failed IVF, Adoption Possiblilies?

[Teacher]

 Hi everyone,

About a month ago my dh and I tried Invitro Fertilization.  My dh has a very low sperm count, which we have been told could be caused by the HIV...though it seems that many with HIV are procreating sans problems.  Anyways, it didn't work.  I'm still coping with this.  We really want children....but can't imagine paying another 15,000 for another failed IVF cycle.  We are considering adoption, but are afraid of not being allowed to do so, due to our HIV status.  I did talk to one social worker who said that if the doctor said that you are healthy enough to raise a child as part of your homestudy, than that was good enough for him.  We would consider international adoption...but all of the agencies require HIV tests.  Has anyone out there adopted or overcome fertility issues?  Looking for hope.  Thanks

[HealthyMomma]

I am very sorry to hear the IVF didn't work! I have always been interested in adoption but I figured once I was HIV+ that was never gonna happen. I dont know how any of it works but hopefully someone will answer your questions..I am very interested in this also. I wish you much luck!

[Dragonette]

Hi there,

I too am very sorry to hear the IVF didn't work. I would not give up on adoption. I know it's really difficult but I think you should find a way, somehow... there is a poz friend of mine who adopted a child internationally 10 years ago when she was already poz (in fact, was told she would die soon). she is not a member of this forum. I will ask her, see if she comes up with something. Another alternative would maybe be to do IVF in a cheaper country, don't know if that's an option?

All the best to you.

[Tamika]

Hi Teacher

I am so sorry the IVF didn't work  . DH and I are hoping to try IVF soon. Unfortunately its been difficult to get a doctor who is willing to help us (I am in South Africa). We have been now refered to a doctor who will hopefully help us - will be having our first appointment with him on 23 October. What went wrong? Did you have a lot of eggs? Did they mature? Did they fail to implant? I'm sorry for the questions - hope you don't mind me asking. Its just so good to be able to chat to someone who is in a similar situation as yours.

I beleive here in SA your HIV status does not really affect your chances of adoption. I haven't really looked into so am not sure how correct that it.

We too want children so badly and are not about to give up!

[Teacher]

Thanks for all of your replies.  I think adoption will be a possibility.  In the US you have to have a homestudy.  Part of the homestudy is to have a doctor's note say if you are healthy enough to adopt.  I talked openly with a Social Worker and my doctor.  Both said that there is no reason to bring our status up...we only need a note saying that we are healthy enough to take care of a child.  What went wrong with the IVF....well, we had sperm issues, so we did ICSI.  We only got 3 eggs to become embryos.  None took...maybe genetic abnormalites.  We can't afford financially and emotionally to go through this again and end up 15,000 in debt with nothing to show for it. 

[Dragonette]

Hi there,

It's good you wrote agaim cos I completely forgot that i heard from my friend on the weekend.

What she said is that, 11 years ago (she adopted in Latin America; she is not American), it was possible to have a letter from a doctor saying that you are healthy, that was enough. Back then, adoption was the adoptive parents and the biological parents (usually just mother) with the intervention of a lawyer, and the bio mum had to sign papers 3 times in front of a child. This took a year. Basically, the mum with the unwanted pregnancy would start the processby contacting the lawyer before the baby was born. Nowadays, adoption in these countries is run by international foundations (incidentally, this makes it much more dodgy, with cases of kidnapped children, as the bio parents are no longer involved).
She was refused the letter by her doctors (back then, there was no HAART). Evetually, she found a doctor who was willing to "look the other way". It didn't matter which type of doc it was. A GP was fine too.

That's it. Hope is somehow helps.
best wishes and good luck with it