6 Mistakes most newly HIV diagnosed people make

[Jim Allen]

Not really a news item but thought it might be a good read for anyone newly diagnosed.

Jim

Full story:  https://www.poz.com/blog/6mistakesImade

6 Mistakes most newly HIV diagnosed people make
August 4, 2017   By Aundaray Guess
 
Learning you’re HIV is a new unwanted chapter in your life. For many it’s a dark cloud which quickly hides the future you thought was waiting for you. For others, its news which comes as no surprise based on their lifestyle, which brings forth the “time to get to work and do what I have to do mentality.” I was in the first group as I seriously thought my life was over. I was just about to reach my twenties and upon hearing my diagnosis, just knew for a fact I would never see twenty five. And the cloud I mentioned blanketed any future I envisioned myself in.

Yet, here I am, thirty years later, not only thriving but walking under clear skies. Of course it was no bed of roses as I had many lessons to learn, and as I realize as I age there’s new battles ahead. But reflecting on my early life with HIV and previous challenges I had, I recognized the mistakes I made back then.

[kentfrat1783]

#3 is the only one I am having a hard time with right how.

I have told my parents, sister, partner and my best friend.  I haven't told anyone at work about this as I don't think they need to know. 

There might be a point later on that I will tell some close co-workers but not sure if a a good idea.  What are your thoughts on that?  (But I have a feeling my boss will ask during open enrollment).

Kenneth

[Jim Allen]

No.3

I think it is very personal, so there is no right or wrong answer and some people need that level of support at the start from family.

With exception of people who are diagnosed very late such as those in hospital I do believe for the average newbie it is far less relevant in modern times to disclose as it is medically an increasingly easier to manage condition that does not (necessarily)  require support. That is just my personal point of view.

There might be a point later on that I will tell some close co-workers but not sure if a a good idea.  What are your thoughts on that?  (But I have a feeling my boss will ask during open enrollment).

Phffff. Its the the deck i have been dealt.

To give some background in short, most know my profile picture (when its working) is my true picture and I share other pictures of myself openly all the time, I pretend its nothing at all but truth is knowing what I know today personally I would not be disclosing to anyone other than the required.

My status was shared with the world by someone who I had to tell, she did this in a moment of spit-fullness and told my employer & employees  ..... So i had very little choice in the matter, not all responses have been positive or helpful for my personal mental well being or my career. Also once its out its out, you can't control the how others will react. 

EDIT:
That said and to clarify, I never have been or will be ashamed about having HIV so one blessing from this with my attitude is once it was disclosed I could openly and publicly speak my mind and also openly challenge anyone or anything I thought was wrong in (my) the world when it comes to HIV or HIV care.

Jim

[CaveyUK]

I think there are few reasons to 'come out' as HIV positive these days unless it's something you need to do psychologically. At my work, I wouldn't talk about my haemorrhoids so why should I talk about HIV? (The HIV would probably impact me less work-wise anyway!).

I've told my best friend and my girlfriend. I may tell my parents one day, but equally may not. I certainly don't plan on telling people near where I live or people I work with.

I'm UD, its non-transmissible, I'm 'healthy', I should live a 'normal' lifespan (whatever that would be for me).

I've come to realise since diagnosis that the vast majority of people - certainly those over 35 anyway - have all manner of nasty shit going on in their life which you never really get to hear about. I'm just one of them now

That said I do think...and I think this was the gist of the writers point...that not telling ANYONE is probably not healthy from a mental viewpoint. But it's fine to keep that circle of trust as small as you can and get support from those that will genuinely enrich your life.

I stress that I'm not knocking anyone who is completely open about their status - I admire their balls in doing so. I just think there is less of a NEED to do that if you are not comfortable with it nowadays.

[Almost2late]

On disclosure I totally agree it's on a need to know basis, in my case my wife, my kids, my Dad and Sis but wasn't to crazy about my Sis telling her husband.. it only made us grow apart, our relationship has changed and that only puts a bit of tension that really could have been avoided if she hadn't told him or I hadn't told her.. I once had a conversation with my Sis about whats going on with my health and of course hiv (she asked) and he got up and left the room, it pissed me off but I pretended it didn't bother me.. we never talk about it again.. so it is touchy situation telling even some close relatives..

I will say this though, as time goes by it gets easier to accept your status and you feel more comfortable with the idea of others knowing.. a thought that used to scare the shit out of me now I think it as just an inconvenience.

 

[Wade]

Sometimes disclosure can and will become necessary, after all these years I don't have a problem with it. When you're 62 shit starts to go awry, not because of the virus but because you're simply getting older.

Most of my friends are in the same age group, none are HIV+ but have other stuff going on, knee replacements, BP meds , diabetes, bla, bla, bla, so yea my status is discussed at times. At least we have a few more years before our conversations revolve around body functions 

[Common_ground]

I think there are few reasons to 'come out' as HIV positive these days unless it's something you need to do psychologically. At my work, I wouldn't talk about my haemorrhoids so why should I talk about HIV? (The HIV would probably impact me less work-wise anyway!).

I've told my best friend and my girlfriend. I may tell my parents one day, but equally may not. I certainly don't plan on telling people near where I live or people I work with.

I'm UD, its non-transmissible, I'm 'healthy', I should live a 'normal' lifespan (whatever that would be for me).

I've come to realise since diagnosis that the vast majority of people - certainly those over 35 anyway - have all manner of nasty shit going on in their life which you never really get to hear about. I'm just one of them now

That said I do think...and I think this was the gist of the writers point...that not telling ANYONE is probably not healthy from a mental viewpoint. But it's fine to keep that circle of trust as small as you can and get support from those that will genuinely enrich your life.

I stress that I'm not knocking anyone who is completely open about their status - I admire their balls in doing so. I just think there is less of a NEED to do that if you are not comfortable with it nowadays.

At the same time I think its important to not justify keeping your status hidden because of reasons that would equally work in the other direction. Many, including myself, have found disclosing quite liberating and now that we are healthy, non-infectious and all, stigma and many times self-stigmatization might even pose a bigger threat than the medical side of it. Just sayin...

[kentfrat1783]

I totally agree on all grounds.  I think after I totally accept what is going on things will get better for me (mentally) and better understand who and when I want to tell people.  It's just unique as I've been hearing so much initially about not telling others so this other side is quite intriguing.