Author Topic: I'm Tweaking Kiddies (Read 11738 times)

Growler · « **on:** October 08, 2011, 07:24:59 am »

WOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
I'm Tweaking Kiddies. I was offered a point by the other poz guy in my building whose eye drops I've been administering and I said yes and so he blasted me! Not sure why I said yes but WOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! This is my 7th time in my life the first time was the night I was infected. I meet a guy on the internet and he invited me around and he had two friends there and they blasted and I said no but they said it didn't hurt them and I should try it. I'd never done drugs except for a joint a couple of times and didn't even know what meth was I was so fucking quaint. It was incrediable I can still remember them putting the needle in my arm and I was so afraid but I soon wasn't and the rest was history. Damn I miss sex, I haven't had sex for so long but I wont do that dont want to hurt anyone. GOD I feel good, I forgotten how good this, Its good to feel happy. Take care Kiddies I'm going to cleam my room I think i should be productive and thats the best way to go.
NITE NITE
GROWLER

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #1 on:** October 08, 2011, 07:53:51 am »

When I first read your post I was like, "What the fuck is a point?", now I know. The old town I lived in, Sebring, was the meth capitol of Florida in my opinion. I had a neighbor who used the stuff and his yard was the nicest on the block. He would set up spot lights at night and mow his grass under the stars.

I've never tried it, nor do I want to. My experience with crack in the late 80's, and hearing that meth is something like that times ten is all I need to know. Still escapes me at how I ever quit the stuff. It still boggles my mind when I think how my first wife said she shared crack when she was out there, me never. lol

Some people can just enjoy it and go the other direction, not me. I was a pothead like no other, woke up one day and I was 40.

Sounds like you had a great time and I am not the one to judge the method. Enjoy it, moderation is the key I hear. I bet that fucking room is clean as a whistle.

Skeebo

hope_for_a_cure · « **Reply #2 on:** October 08, 2011, 07:59:10 am »

Be sure to take a picture of your teeth now (as a before shot). I am not suggesting it will happen but should it happen that you love this stuff too much... you can look back at that picture and remember when you had them.

Cheers !!

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #3 on:** October 08, 2011, 08:08:07 am »

Quote from: hope_for_a_cure on October 08, 2011, 07:59:10 am

Be sure to take a picture of your teeth now (as a before shot). I am not suggesting it will happen but should it happen that you love this stuff too much... you can look back at that picture and remember when you had them.

Cheers !!

This is true..

Also Growler while it does feel good all of the problems you have faced recently will still be there. Just keep things in perspective.

Enjoy this time, then back to work.

Skeebo

Ann · « **Reply #4 on:** October 08, 2011, 08:46:41 am »

Quote from: Growler on October 08, 2011, 07:24:59 am

WOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!
I'm Tweaking Kiddies. I was offered a point by the other poz guy in my building whose eye drops I've been administering and I said yes and so he blasted me! Not sure why I said yes but WOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! This is my 7th time in my life the first time was the night I was infected. I meet a guy on the internet and he invited me around and he had two friends there and they blasted and I said no but they said it didn't hurt them and I should try it. I'd never done drugs except for a joint a couple of times and didn't even know what meth was I was so fucking quaint. It was incrediable I can still remember them putting the needle in my arm and I was so afraid but I soon wasn't and the rest was history. Damn I miss sex, I haven't had sex for so long but I wont do that dont want to hurt anyone. GOD I feel good, I forgotten how good this, Its good to feel happy. Take care Kiddies I'm going to cleam my room I think i should be productive and thats the best way to go.
NITE NITE
GROWLER

Just in case you get another bout of edititis.

And yeah, wow indeed. TMI to the max.

Growler · « **Reply #5 on:** October 08, 2011, 08:54:37 am »

I'm HORNY. I FORGOT HOW THIS IS!!!!!!!
LOTS OF VIDEOS ON THE INTERNET WHICH Is great! I Intend to go BLIND!!!!!!

Basquo · « **Reply #6 on:** October 08, 2011, 09:10:22 am »

Quote from: Ann on October 08, 2011, 08:46:41 am

Just in case you get another bout of edititis.

My first impulse, too; glad I wasn't alone in my thinking. Thanks Ann.

GSOgymrat · « **Reply #7 on:** October 08, 2011, 09:25:05 am »

Growler, given your history and your recent postings I think using drugs at this point is just asking for trouble. Please be careful.

Growler · « **Reply #8 on:** October 08, 2011, 09:56:31 am »

OK I forgot to say my room is all clean. It didnt take long its not very big so its easy to keep cleamn. In my room have my netbook and a tv and my radio and I ahve a ipod which only cost $40 it was scratched but it works perfectly!!!! I have a backpack and my frypan and a pot to cook in. I have 2 pairs of jeans and 5 undies and 5 tshirts and 1 shoes and an iron to iron my clothes and 5 socks I have some library books which I straightened up and a donna and 2 pillows and a sheet and a tootbrush and vegemite. Has anyone tried vegemite, its great on toast and I dont think amercians like it much but its great!!!!!!!! I love cheesecake but Im lactose intoleratn but I still eat it the best is the baked one but I'm not hungry now. I'm talking to much am I too loud? I better shut up. Peace and Love and ALl that stuff!!!!!!!!
Growler

Growler · « **Reply #9 on:** October 08, 2011, 10:07:52 am »

I forgot to tell you that hte library books I am readuing are a confederacy of Dunces which is nbu John Kennedy TooTLE and the land of Painted Caves by Jean M Auel Mostly Harmless by Douglas Adams and Dexter is Delicous bu Jeff Lindsay which is the series that the TV show Dexter is based on but the TV show is better I've seen the first 3 series which are great but I like the sookie stackhouse books better than the Tru Blood which is kind of dumb but still fun and thats al the books Have Fun!!!!!!!!!!!
Growler

WillyWump · « **Reply #10 on:** October 08, 2011, 10:08:30 am »

Dont forget to take your meds party boy! (I cant remember if you are on them).

-Will

Growler · « **Reply #11 on:** October 08, 2011, 10:16:51 am »

Thank you willy but I dont need to take meds. I get myt bloods back next week and find out what my counts are i expect they will be pretty good I was 520 in Dec 09 and I read that you lose 50 a year so I should be good ao no meds for me not sure if I want to take meds I think it might not be the right thing for me but thats ok becuase I have enough time and thats what matters and I think its a good idea to let things be good and not touch them becuae some things are meant to be and thats OK so I think I wont be but you cant tell until you do but I dont think so no need to decide yet no need to I WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Head RUSHS \
Growler

denb45 · « **Reply #12 on:** October 08, 2011, 10:18:08 am »

Meth KILLS

Growler · « **Reply #13 on:** October 08, 2011, 10:23:09 am »

I AM NOT DEAD I AM NOT!!!!!!!

phildinftlaudy · « **Reply #14 on:** October 08, 2011, 10:23:40 am »

Growler · « **Reply #15 on:** October 08, 2011, 10:27:43 am »

LAUGH AT THE MONSTER LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGHH AND LAUGH

Growler · « **Reply #16 on:** October 08, 2011, 10:37:04 am »

MONSTER is going and wont return and I WONT take the tablets then I dont have to becasue monsters should roty in hell!!!!!!!!!

Jeff G · « **Reply #17 on:** October 08, 2011, 10:47:27 am »

Hi Growler , I'm Jeff . I'm wishing you the best but I must say I'm not one of the cool guys who's going to wish you a good time with what you have done . Its a downright evil drug and it will destroy you if you keep doing it .

Under the guise of I will try it one time I became addicted to meth for a period of about 8 months to a year ... that little open minded experiment took me to the brink of death and a 10 year struggle to regain my health . I have never been the same person since and the same could happen to you if you keep doing it .

spacebarsux · « **Reply #18 on:** October 08, 2011, 11:22:22 am »

Quote from: Growler on October 08, 2011, 10:16:51 am

Thank you willy but I dont need to take meds. I get myt bloods back next week and find out what my counts are i expect they will be pretty good I was 520 in Dec 09 and I read that you lose 50 a year so I should be good ao no meds for me not sure if I want to take meds I think it might not be the right thing for me but thats ok becuase I have enough time and thats what matters and I think its a good idea to let things be good and not touch them becuae some things are meant to be and thats OK so I think I wont be but you cant tell until you do but I dont think so no need to decide yet no need to I WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Head RUSHS \
Growler

Hey mate, am I drawing the correct inference in that the last time you checked your labs was Dec 09? And that you think that 'meds are not the right thing for you' ?

I am hoping that I've either misunderstood or that you kinda misspoke.

Take care of yourself.

Best

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #19 on:** October 08, 2011, 11:38:52 am »

Considering the fact that the OP has previously mentioned overdosing on both heroin and pills, I'd advise a bit of restraint in this new indulgence of meth. If it is indeed new.

Dachshund · « **Reply #20 on:** October 08, 2011, 11:51:40 am »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on October 08, 2011, 11:38:52 am

If it is indeed new.

Or real. I smell bullshit.

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #21 on:** October 08, 2011, 11:56:45 am »

This should last 4 days, right guys?

J.R.E. · « **Reply #22 on:** October 08, 2011, 06:42:30 pm »

It's been almost 39 years, since the last time I shot up crystal meth. I hope 39 years from now you can say the same.

Ray

Growler · « **Reply #23 on:** October 08, 2011, 07:12:38 pm »

Sorry for the toxic dump.

I am feeling shakey but more grounded.

Looking back at my posts above, I've still got a lot off things to work through and a public forum probably isn't the best place for me to be doing it, so I'm going to back off and sort through the shit.

Keep well and thanks for listening (that's double for you Skeboo) and I hope to talk with you all again some day under better circumstances.

Growler

hope_for_a_cure · « **Reply #24 on:** October 08, 2011, 07:56:43 pm »

Quote from: Growler on October 08, 2011, 07:12:38 pm

Sorry for the toxic dump.

I am feeling shakey but more grounded.

Its ok buddy. Everybody has to 'dump' from time to time. Grounded is good.

Buckmark · « **Reply #25 on:** October 09, 2011, 06:52:27 am »

Quote from: Growler on October 08, 2011, 07:12:38 pm

Sorry for the toxic dump.

I am feeling shakey but more grounded.

Looking back at my posts above, I've still got a lot off things to work through and a public forum probably isn't the best place for me to be doing it, so I'm going to back off and sort through the shit.

Keep well and thanks for listening (that's double for you Skeboo) and I hope to talk with you all again some day under better circumstances.

Growler

I hope you mention all of this to that psychologist you are going to see next week, as you mentioned in your other thread:

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40058.msg499967#msg499967

I know it probably sounds like people are preaching here, but a lot of these people have been down the same road you appear to be on. You would be wise to take pause and consider their experience, and advice.

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #26 on:** October 09, 2011, 07:20:26 am »

Quote from: Buckmark on October 09, 2011, 06:52:27 am

I hope you mention all of this to that psychologist you are going to see next week, as you mentioned in your other thread:

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40058.msg499967#msg499967

I know it probably sounds like people are preaching here, but a lot of these people have been down the same road you appear to be on. You would be wise to take pause and consider their experience, and advice.

Some of them are preaching... and some I've heard may even still actively use. It amazes me sometimes the judgement that goes on here, this guy has specifically posted how he is having a hard time getting his fingers around life with HIV.

I would think some of us could relate, but maybe I'm wrong.

I've heard people on the forums say addiction is a big problem in the circle here. Remember, just because you made it back from the brink of hell it doesn't give you any right to cast judgement on those still in it.

Ann, your post stands out the most because you are a moderator here. Edititis, really??

Ann · « **Reply #27 on:** October 09, 2011, 08:13:47 am »

Quote from: skeebo1969 on October 09, 2011, 07:20:26 am

Ann, your post stands out the most because you are a moderator here. Edititis, really??

Yes, really. Growler recently wrote and then edited to blank posts several posts and it renders a thread unreadable, particularly when that edited post is the OP. It's very bad forum netiquette and it's frustrating for a moderator to be confronted with such shenanigans. The edit button is there to edit spelling and grammar or to perhaps add additional information. It's not for completely removing the subject of conversation.

Growler, I hope you get the help you need. You seem to be a nice guy who is possibly going down a hard road - and I'm rooting for you to get yourself on a different path asap.

mecch · « **Reply #28 on:** October 09, 2011, 09:06:52 am »

Growler - do you enjoy other and less extreme substances to get a happy buzz and a break from the routine? If drugs are the way to go, maybe a stiff cocktail? Or a big joint. Or bake some pot brownies.

You said you miss sex and seems like you think its too dangerous. Dangerous for you? For others? When you see you therapist, mention that and maybe start finding away to get a sex life again.

Jeff G · « **Reply #29 on:** October 09, 2011, 11:59:03 am »

Quote from: skeebo1969 on October 09, 2011, 07:20:26 am

Some of them are preaching... and some I've heard may even still actively use. It amazes me sometimes the judgments that goes on here, this guy has specifically posted how he is having a hard time getting his fingers around life with HIV.

No preaching or judgments going on here , just telling a guy who landed in the right place for support the unvarnished truth . Any thing else would be enabling . I suspect this thread is a cry for help .

I hope Growler keeps posting , gets the support he needs to deal with his HIV status .

bocker3 · « **Reply #30 on:** October 09, 2011, 02:58:10 pm »

Quote from: skeebo1969 on October 09, 2011, 07:20:26 am

Some of them are preaching... and some I've heard may even still actively use. It amazes me sometimes the judgement that goes on here, this guy has specifically posted how he is having a hard time getting his fingers around life with HIV.

I would think some of us could relate, but maybe I'm wrong.

I've heard people on the forums say addiction is a big problem in the circle here. Remember, just because you made it back from the brink of hell it doesn't give you any right to cast judgement on those still in it.

Ann, your post stands out the most because you are a moderator here. Edititis, really??

Actually, telling someone the truth and/or your own experience is not judging. Hearing something that you might not like or want to hear, is not judging -- in fact it is helping. As a recovering Alcoholic (22 yrs sober on the 29th), I have both been helped and helped others by doing just that. As Jeff said, not sharing the truth is really just a form of enabling.

Mike

Raf · « **Reply #31 on:** October 09, 2011, 05:00:27 pm »

And BTW growler, did you share any needles by any chance? (I really DON'T KNOW about Meth, but I read about a needle in your initial post). Maybe you should be tested for Hep C, and the like.

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #32 on:** October 09, 2011, 07:38:30 pm »

Quote from: bocker3 on October 09, 2011, 02:58:10 pm

Actually, telling someone the truth and/or your own experience is not judging. Hearing something that you might not like or want to hear, is not judging -- in fact it is helping. As a recovering Alcoholic (22 yrs sober on the 29th), I have both been helped and helped others by doing just that. As Jeff said, not sharing the truth is really just a form of enabling.

Mike

I look at this as him medicating himself because of his status, you look at this as purely addiction.

We won't agree as long as there is this separation of thought. I'm not going to argue this point in this man's thread any longer for all I know he may never return. What I do know though is the guy is having a hard time with being HIV+.

That's what this forum is for, first and foremost. He said this was his first time doing meth, you guys assumed he meant he's doing it all the time. Maybe I'm wrong...

At this point it really doesn't matter. I'm more willing to wait his return so he can tell us which it is.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #33 on:** October 09, 2011, 07:45:51 pm »

Quote from: skeebo1969 on October 09, 2011, 07:38:30 pm

I look at this as him medicating himself because of his status, you look at this as purely addiction.

You'd possibly be correct if he already hadn't disclosed that he'd previously overdosed on heroin and pills. Sorry, that's not a good sign of recreational use, either is the use of a needle for drug administration.

phildinftlaudy · « **Reply #34 on:** October 09, 2011, 07:53:54 pm »

Quote from: skeebo1969 on October 09, 2011, 07:38:30 pm

I He said this was his first time doing meth, you guys assumed he meant he's doing it all the time. Maybe I'm wrong...

At this point it really doesn't matter. I'm more willing to wait his return so he can tell us which it is.

Actually skeeb - according to the OPs first post in this thread - this is the 7th time he has done meth - with the first time being the night he was infected.

At any rate, I agree with you that he is having a hard time adjusting to being positive - and is definitely in need of some support. Hopefully, he knows that most on here want to be supportive and will be there for him. I think most of what was said to him on this thread was out of concern for his well being.

Bucko · « **Reply #35 on:** October 09, 2011, 09:08:51 pm »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on October 09, 2011, 07:45:51 pm

You'd possibly be correct if he already hadn't disclosed that he'd previously overdosed on heroin and pills. Sorry, that's not a good sign of recreational use, either is the use of a needle for drug administration.

Yeah, I agree. A casual and/or recreational user would probably smoke it, not slam it. My ambivalence regarding Tina is too well known for me to rehash anything. If ten (and soon eleven) chapters of The Mancunt Chronicles doesn't make my viewpoint clear enough, nothing will.

Speed's just not my thing, and never was. But as someone with an extensive history of drug use, I'm certainly in no position to offer any judgement on the OP, except perhaps that over-sharing can be difficult to live down. And yes, I see the irony of my last sentence, coming from me and all

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #36 on:** October 09, 2011, 09:10:36 pm »

Quote from: phildinftlaudy on October 09, 2011, 07:53:54 pm

Actually skeeb - according to the OPs first post in this thread - this is the 7th time he has done meth - with the first time being the night he was infected.

.

Okay, I did read it incorrectly. I don't know what I saw initially but for some reason I saw this as his first experience. I was wrong...

He was diagnosed in 2009, right? Or, did I read that wrong too?

I'm going to admit, I have been a bit sensitive lately.

buginme2 · « **Reply #37 on:** October 09, 2011, 09:53:42 pm »

Sad post.

Growler, just hoping things work out for you. If you ever feel the need there are HIV+ / meth support groups and such. Check with your ASO.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #38 on:** October 09, 2011, 09:55:07 pm »

Quote from: skeebo1969 on October 09, 2011, 09:10:36 pm

I'm going to admit, I have been a bit sensitive lately.

lately? When aren't you?

bocker3 · « **Reply #39 on:** October 09, 2011, 10:56:42 pm »

Honestly, I think most of what has been said here has been supportive of the OP. "Medicating" isn't going to change one's status, nor help come to terms with it. My drinking was to medicate all sorts of things -- it didn't help, in fact it made everything much worse.

So OP -- please listen to what has been shared here. We all want to help and we all want you to get to a better place.

Hugs,
Mike

drewm · « **Reply #40 on:** October 10, 2011, 12:01:22 am »

I don't miss is at all. Hope you have fun and then can come back down to earth...

Bucko · « **Reply #41 on:** October 10, 2011, 04:17:34 am »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on October 09, 2011, 09:55:07 pm

lately? When aren't you?

I remember the ST persona too: and no slam against Skeebs: just simple remembrance. All's good...

skeebo1969 · « **Reply #42 on:** October 10, 2011, 09:23:35 am »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on October 09, 2011, 09:55:07 pm

lately? When aren't you?

LOL more than usual then.

Inchlingblue · « **Reply #43 on:** October 10, 2011, 07:47:05 pm »

One thing that's alarming to me is: didn't the OP say he's rarely if ever done meth and he's injecting it?

I know someone who has a serious meth addiction and he's told me that he draws the line at injecting it because that's too intense even for him. It seems for someone who doesn't partake regularly, such as Growler, injecting it would be beyond intense.

Anyway, I agree with what others have said and hope that he realizes this isn't a good strategy. Nothing wrong with him venting here, that's what the forums are (or should be) for, n'est pas?

Joe K · « **Reply #44 on:** October 10, 2011, 08:12:44 pm »

Hey Growler,

I hope you remember that there are people here who care about you. I'm not sure what you are feeling, but I tried to "drug" my way to acceptance of my status and it didn't work. I hurt a lot of good people in the process of trying to destroy myself. I hope you can find a place of peace and we will be here for you.

Joe

Growler · « **Reply #45 on:** October 11, 2011, 05:22:57 am »

Thanks for the positive messages and the concern. Please be assured that all is ok. I'm not going to go into a deep and meaningful explanation of what was I thinking, instead I suggest that you go back and have a good read of my blatherings and enjoy a good laugh, I did.

To answer a couple of your questions. I am the first to admit I am no poster boy for morality or good behavior. I use drugs, I've had "unsafe sex" and I've ridden my motorcycle WAY too fast in city traffic....and the list goes on; yes, I get off on risk. That said no I am not a REGULAR user of any drug (including alcohol). YES, I have used meth on 7 occasions in the past 3 years, all have been at the invitation of others and yes all were with needles, I have never been offered the opportunity to use it any other way. I don't and wouldn't share needles. I'm Hep C negative. I appreciate that some would say that drug use of any type or to any degree is a problem. I respect your right to your opinion but I ask that we agree to disagree and leave the debate there.

There's a question out there, some of you are thinking it now; is this guy legit or a fucking nut case? In response I'd ask that you check out my post under the "OFF Topic" heading, "Troll Problems". Further I will add... FUCK YES! I am a messed up pain in the arse, but everything I've disclosed on this forum has been the truth.....a big fat embarrassing, cringe-worthy TRUTH. I own it and I shared it and when I read over the shit I've shared I want to take it all back. But fuck it, I'm just as entitled as the next cunt to vomit his bile over the internet.

Got any questions? Ask them, I'll answer.

Growler

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Author Topic: I'm Tweaking Kiddies (Read 11738 times)