Am I Ugly? Needy Post

[PeteNYNJ]

So tonight I blogged about my first (and only) boyfriend.  It brought back feelings of being loved and in a relationship.   I honestly think that it is the only one I will be in.  I meet guys, date, then lose interest.  I haven't met a guy who gave me that feeling in like forever.  I know it must be something inside me. My therapist says it is because I believe I don't deserve love.   That is nice..but I ask, "Am I ugly"?  Maybe that is why no one is talking to me at bars, clubs, social events, volunteer events, etc.

Sorry feeling needy tonight

Pete

[thunter34]

Feeling needy tonight?  Yeah...me, too.  I need to know why when I go to clickin' to read this blog of your's, it says "not found". 

I dunno if your therapist is correct about you thinking you don't "deserve love", but I do think there is something to the idea that you are getting what you expect to get. 

But to answer your particular question:  judging from the itty bitty avatar...no, you're not ugly. (imho)

[PeteNYNJ]

Thanks Tim

I fixed the link   look at my blog all you want

ifucingrule.blogspot.com

[AlanBama]

Pete,

It may be true, you may not believe yourself to be "deserving" of Mr. Right.  But one thing I can assure you of, with 100% certainty, you are DEFINITELY not ugly.

Keep looking -- he's out there.   

hugs,

Alan

[Queen Tokelove]

Well sweetie, we all have our moments when we need to feel needed or loved. I guess it's the human factor. Don't knock yourself for that. Has anyone told you that you look mean? I'm not saying you are but even with your avatar, I would think twice before fucking with you.. I get that a lot too, my roomie presented me with a lighter once with a smiley face but the smiley face wasn't smiling..sorta like this if you will...:| 
She said she gave it to me because I always look serious.

Another thing, have you seen the Addams Family Values movie? If so, remember the part where Wednesday, Pugsley, and the nerdy boy was locked in the cabin and made to watch the movies? Then when they were let out, Wednesday tried to smile and scared the shit out of the rest of the kids. I don't know what made me bring that up but it just came to mind. I guess I am trying to make you smile. Or better yet the saying, and I am full of them...Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to....

And one more thing...When Mr. Right does show up, you won't be able to stop smiling.

[Matty the Damned]

Yes Pete, you are ugly. But no uglier than Matty the Damned, so don't fret too much.

MtD

[Queen Tokelove]

Yes Pete, you are ugly. But no uglier than Matty the Damned, so don't fret too much.

MtD

What? How dare you talk such blasphemy against yourself, Matty.... Pete, I don't think you're ugly either. Actually you seem nice and thick, just how I like 'em. Too bad you're gay....Can I tempt you over to the dark side or will you shun me like the countless others I flirt with on this site....

(who flirts shamelessly but never acts on her impulses, that's a Capricorn for ya.)

[MOONLIGHT1114]

GF~  Do you need back-up?  Cause I think Pete is fine as well, too.  But Pete, I have to agree, if you aren't smiling, you aren't approachable.  I have dated a lot and when looking at someone's profile, if they aren't smiling, they don't seem approachable.  You gots to get your mojo going.  It'll happen.  I agree with Queen, smile, it'll make people wonder what you're up to!

I have often felt undeserving of love and have always tried to justify why people shouldn't do nice things for me.  I have been fortunate enough to meet a nice guy over the past week, have disclosed and we are on our way to bliss.  I mention him, because just tonight I was on the phone with him and I almost brought up this very conversation...."Am I deserving of you?  How am I going to be able to accept someone wanting to help me out when I have been independent and headstrong for so long?"

I have way too much pride and don't "let people in" that easily.  I always have to be the strong one, strong enough for the two of us.  It will be interesting to see if and how my role changes in this relationship, as I try to become more vulnerable and trusting of another.

Now, I hear that Queen has a strap-on that she wants to chase a certain Forum member around with.  Picture THAT, have a good chuckle at our crazy Queen's good intentions, and then take a great picture of yourself.

I double-dog dare you!   

~ Cindy

[anniebc]

"Am I ugly"?

Absolutely not..I may only be 5ft 1in but I will deck the first person who would even dare think about it let alone say it..

((hugs))
Jan
(who only has beautiful people in her fan club.. )

[emeraldize]

"Am I ugly"?  Maybe that is why no one is talking to me at bars, clubs, social events, volunteer events, etc.

How about considering this chat with self " Am I too good looking? " and welcome the idea the people at the volunteer events are focused on their pesky tasks. As for the bars, clubs and social events try thinking this one " Am I dancing the best I can? " or " Was this the hottest outfit I coulda pulled from the armoire?"

Oh yes. Do you own a mirror? Just covering the basics.

[Buckmark]

... I meet guys, date, then lose interest.  I haven't met a guy who gave me that feeling in like forever.  I know it must be something inside me. My therapist says it is because I believe I don't deserve love.   That is nice..but I ask, "Am I ugly"?  Maybe that is why no one is talking to me at bars, clubs, social events, volunteer events, etc.

In a way, you've answered your own question:  "I know it must be something inside me."   It has nothing to do with physical beauty (and I personally think you are a rather attractive man).  What's going on in our minds is often expressed through our body language (crossed arms, scowls or frowns, lack of eye contact, etc.), which can definitely make one unapproachable.  As someone who can go to events like this and feel like I am practically invisible, I struggle with this all the time.  I constantly try to "check in" with myself to make sure that my mind is clear and open, and that my body and demeanor reflects that.  Then I also have to force myself to approach other people, too.

I find it very challenging try to put aside all those negative thoughts  running around in my mind, yet I try hard to do so because I think people can pick up on them.  I've been working on this with my therapist, and I still have more work to do.  It's interesting that one of the questions that pops into your mind is "Am I ugly?" because that question often pops into my mind regarding myself.  Plenty of fodder there for discussion with your therapist.  I'm quite sure that if I think I'm ugly, then other people can pick up on that. 

Regards,

Henry

[northernguy]

You look hot from where I'm sitting.  But I think we'd all need some more scantily clad pics to make a definitive decision.

[Miss Philicia]

Personally I feel slightly silly going to dance clubs once I passed 40, though I did go to one last May mostly because I'm friends with the DJ.  I danced a little... but wasn't so into it.

Anyway, I can't tell if you ugly with that tiny avatar -- and Queen was on point in that it looks a bit mean, though I would have said "serious." 

I took some more lipo documentary pictures of myself yesterday and surprised myself by smiling in a couple of them.  Alas, the ones where I didn't smile looked wretchedly trollish.  But hey, at least I can blame Zerit.

For some odd reason I still get cruised on the street, though perhaps I'm mistaking it for abject looks of horror.

ANYWAY PLEASE PROVIDE MORE PIXPLZ

[Dachshund]

Pete you promise to support me in the lifestyle I've become accustomed to and I will shower you with compliments, you, you, you, Brad Pitt look-alike, you.

You look great sweetie.

[pozguy75]

No you are not ugly! You are a HOT guy, who is dealing with some ugliness in his life...You do deserve to be loved and I think you will find it when you are not looking...IMHO.

There are a lot of frogs out there, and some of them give you warts...but is in all fairy tales...you're handsome prince is just around the corner looking for you too!

[BT65]

You are not a bad looking man.  Take it from someone who has seen TONS of men and knows how to tell ugly ones from good-looking ones, which would include you.  I might tend to agree with, what are you telling yourself about yourself?  I also agree with the body language thing.  We often reflect how we feel by our body language.  I have to work on mine all the time.  Just a thought....

[heartforyou]

IF you were ugly then you could still be attractive.

Could it be that you never found closure from that one and only love?

And yes, I do recognise that " I don't deserve a love that chooses for me for who I am".

Have you been able to grieve over your lost relations?

How was your family situation? Were you loved by your family?
 
I don't want to be nosy, but these are just some questions I am struggling with these days....and thought they might help.

hug

hermie

[a2z]

My therapist says it is because I believe I don't deserve love.   That is nice..but I ask, "Am I ugly"?  Maybe that is why no one is talking to me at bars, clubs, social events, volunteer events, etc.

Sorry feeling needy tonight

Pete

Wow, you hit on a couple of familiar themes for me.

My therapist gave me a slip of paper and told me to tape it to my computer monitor or mirror and say it every day for 30 days.  When I first read it, I couldn't help but laugh.  He said it was because I didn't believe it... yet.

"I am a neat and worthwhile person who deserves to be loved, first by myself, and then by others."

I wasn't laughing after 30 days.  It worked.

The other theme is that of neediness.  I think most people, if they see neediness (perceived as weakness) in a bar, they are instantly turned off.  Men, in particular, like a challenge.  Yeah, it's a stereotype, but I think one with some truth to it.  And the ones who find neediness a turnon... well, I see them as potential creeps who might try to control a person.

I think if you said to yourself "I don't need a boyfriend, but someone deserves me as one." before going to the bar, you might do better.  That, and uh.. smile.  But not too much.

If Lyle Lovett can score Julia Roberts, you certainly should have no problem scoring another boyfriend.

[PeteNYNJ]

Thanks for the comments.  I needed it.  Feeling better today.  Went out last night and actually met a nice guy.  So we'll see where this goes.

Check out my blog if you want to see other pics of me  ifucingrule.blogspot.com  (spelled wrong intentionally)

You are all right with your comments about this is something  I need to get over.  I am working on it but it is hard when you feel a certain way and can't remember ever not feeling that way. 

Thanks again for your thoughts.   always appreciated

Pete

[mamaangie]

First of all, you are hot! And don't apologize for feeling needy. That's why we are here. To ease the loneliness. Though it's not as good as a warm body. I'm missing the touch of someone else myself. I just started talking to my ex, and it has made me miss him. But I keep reminding myself why we broke up in the first place. Sorry, there are no good answers for easing heartache. It definately doesn't help to know that time helps, 'cause all it does is make the pain bearable. But hang in there. Talk to us often.