memory from 1995

[em]

I may have posted this a while back but it was in my head and thought it worth rewriting and sharing .

Mid nineties , I was invited to HIV positive group meeting In a hospital by my HIV Doc.

there was a room with about ten or so people in it plus two young medical professionals

the meeting started with people just staring off in the distance . the two medical hosts of the meeting put there hands under there legs and I guess for some reason sat on their hands .

I could  tell by looking around most of my fellow HIV ers were knocking on heavens door and very far along on the road of AIDS . two of the guys were in wheel chairs . One of the guys in the wheel chair looked to me to have a dark shadow around him and was looking down with a look of hopeless ness that everyone seemed to be sharing . Someone asked that we introduce our selves . He asked me to start.  I at that time did not recognize him. He was very skinny and gaunt with round lumpy growths on his face . I looked at our two hosts and then looked around the room and said , sorry it was almost thirty years ago I am having trouble recalling the exact wording .  It seem to me  like the HIV health care system are sitting on there hands and twiddling there thumbs , what we need is someone to do something about  getting an HIV AIDS cure . it was something like that but it was off the cuff and very hopeful tone that something would be done to help us only  if .  I can not recall exactly what I said . but I looked around the room and guy in the wheel chair that had been looking down threw  his head  back and cheered and then laughed. they all laughed and smiled . the guy that started by asking me to introduce myself said leave it to you then said my name . to cheer us up .    At that point I recognized his voice he was a freind of mine form a HIV support group I had been to a couple years earlier  that at the last few meetings I was the only one to show up . It would not surprise me that I am the only one at that meeting that did not die that year . that suport group I beleive none of them made it either. I shorlty there after got very sick and well do not not want to go into detail  but death was calling   and seemd inevitable

after this meeting my HIV Doc would listen to me and twiddle his thumbs and look at me disaprovingly. I should have said to him that I was just trying to cheer up that group that looked hopeless .    Anyway a doc from  the same hospital told me a couple years ago that my HIV Doc from back then had passed away . time marches on so much can happen in just shy of about thirty years or so.

thank you for letting me share this memory  sorry to go on so much