Newly diagnosed and anxious as hell

[Allthefeelings]

Hi Folks

So I was diagnosed on 4/27. My initial numbers were VL 97,000 and CD4 22. I had a mild bronchial pneumonia. I was terrified. I sobbed daily saying “I don’t want to die.”

I started Biktarvy on May 1. Was on Bactrim but was allergic. Switched to dapsone. Within less then a month I was VL 203 and CD4 203. Felt great and less scared.

Blood work this week VL 54. Bronchial pneumonia has cleared up. I know these are all great progress but I’m so defeated by not being <20 VL already. I also am a freaks my CD4 will never grow beyond 203. I know this is mostly anxiety talking. But I don’t know where else to voice that anxiety.

Definitely opening to chatting and sharing experiences.

I’m A. 

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

Sorry to hear about the diagnosis and the reaction to Bactrim. I'm allergic as well, brings me out in hives and generally makes me miserable. Thankfully the antibiotics aren't something you will have to take long-term,

Your results since starting treatment are excellent though.

It could take  6+ months to suppress the virus <50, and your viral load is practically suppressed within a few weeks, it's excellent. In terms of sexually passing the virus on (U=U), undetectable viral load is defined as less than 200 copies for 6+ months, the 6 months is a wait but you have already reached that undetectable viral load. https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71864.0

I also am a freaks my CD4 will never grow beyond 203

Well, CD4 isn't a measurement of overall health and you can't change it. I'm sure it will go higher, just give your immune system time to "heal" for lack of a better phrase but once the virus is suppressed the CD4s become somewhat irrelevant after passing and having a stable level above the 200 mark.

Feeling anxious about these things seems to be pretty common and being newly diagnosed can be overwhelming, just keep in mind, that your meds are working and you are not alone.

Jim.

[Jim Allen]

Besides being anxious, how are you otherwise feeling/doing?

[Allthefeelings]

Besides being anxious, how are you otherwise feeling/doing?

I’m physically ok. I took two months off work to wrap my head around this and that’s been a blessing and a curse. Best I can tell all my other systems are in good shape. I’m a big dude so I lnow changing my diet and exercising more will help in the long run. I take vitamin D and B12. I really lucked out in terms of other issues medically.

The worst of this has been folliculitis that is annoying but not life changing.

I appreciate all the support already.   
 

[Tonny2]

               
                   


          ojo.            Hi there…welcome the the forum. You have a great treatment, 28 years ago I wish I had the same med you are taking now. I, as you, got a cf4 level of 20, it took me from 1995 to 2000 to increase my cd4 from zero to 360 and my VL was never undetectable, always high, until March 2007 I got to see and feel what it meant to be UD, so, congratulations for those numbers now, all you have to do is the take your PILL everyday at least he same time so you create a routine and don’t forget to take your PILL…don’t worry about your “soldiers”, they will recuperate sooner rather than later, remember that they had a big battle against the invader hiv but, looking at your numbers, you are winning, just give it some time…remember that nowadays to defeat hiv it takes only discipline in taking your PILL as prescribed and a POSITIVE, no pun on ntended, attitude and you will take back control of your life….we, in these forums, decided to be fighters and no victims…please keep us posted and, if you want to know how lucky you are, getting hiv nowadays, read my thread “hope dies last” or other threads of our LTS members…good luck…hugs

[Allthefeelings]

               
                   


          ojo.            Hi there…welcome the the forum. You have a great treatment, 28 years ago I wish I had the same med you are taking now. I, as you, got a cf4 level of 20, it took me from 1995 to 2000 to increase my cd4 from zero to 360 and my VL was never undetectable, always high, until March 2007 I got to see and feel what it meant to be UD, so, congratulations for those numbers now, all you have to do is the take your PILL everyday at least he same time so you create a routine and don’t forget to take your PILL…don’t worry about your “soldiers”, they will recuperate sooner rather than later, remember that they had a big battle against the invader hiv but, looking at your numbers, you are winning, just give it some time…remember that nowadays to defeat hiv it takes only discipline in taking your PILL as prescribed and a POSITIVE, no pun on ntended, attitude and you will take back control of your life….we, in these forums, decided to be fighters and no victims…please keep us posted and, if you want to know how lucky you are, getting hiv nowadays, read my thread “hope dies last” or other threads of our LTS members…good luck…hugs

Thanks so much for welcoming me Tony. I have definitely acknowledged that this is the time medically that I can best deal with this. I also know I’m very fortunate when it comes to overall medical care.

[harleymc]

Good to hear all your figures have been heading in the right directions.

"I don't want to die" is a good starting point but hopefully will change to "I want to live",  and then to "I want to (insert hobby, holiday, fitness goal)"

You've passed the critical point, you'll be ok.

PS like others here I'm Bactrim allergic,  Dapsone saved my life back in the day

[Allthefeelings]

Thanks so much for the reassurance Harley. It’s definitely going towards “I want to Live” just have to keep dodging Covid and keep myself busy.