Author Topic: Girlie online friendship & support group (Read 31661 times)

lupetto · « **on:** March 27, 2015, 05:55:52 am »

Hello all my beautiful ladies!

I saw few of you were posting about wanting to get new female friends and support groups. I don't want to hijack Cerise's thread and hope she (and everyone else) will find the actual face to face support & friendship she's looking for. But maybe we can also give each other some online support?

I have attended few of my local support group meetings but actually find it hard to open up there, talking online feels easier at the moment.

I'll start by telling a bit about myself. I'm 30, single, studying and working on and off. I've been infected for about 9 years and no one in my life at the moment knows of my status. I've only disclosed to my ex and the one who infected me. I no longer have anything to do with neither of them. My feelings about HIV and being infected by it have varied a lot during the years and I guess I should say I don't quite know how I feel about it right now. It's a work in progress.

I live in Europe and receive excellent, free health care so I don't really need to worry about that. But the mental side of this all is sometimes bit tough. I love nature, cycling and growing my own herbs and other plants in the summer time. Now that spring is finally coming I'm starting to put the seeds in the soil again and soon my home will be filled up with tiny beginnings of new life.

I hope to hear from you all and would really like to make some new friends here.

Lasthope · « **Reply #1 on:** March 27, 2015, 06:28:30 am »

Hi, lupetto

You doing great I like you plans I love natural also now I'm nearly have normal life I plan about next month I will go to the beach for my birthday:)

Take care xxx

yellabee3 · « **Reply #2 on:** March 27, 2015, 06:37:11 pm »

Hello Lupeto,

I understand how you feel. I always interested in meeting new people and especially have similar lifestyle as me. Love to get to know you better.

lupetto · « **Reply #3 on:** March 28, 2015, 01:36:31 pm »

Hey girls, so good to hear from you!

Lasthope, birthday by the beach sounds lovely! Over here we are still freezing in the cold temperatures but I expect that to change very soon. I'm glad you are having such nice plans and don't let this turmoil you're going through dictate your whole life. Keep that up!

What's going on in your life otherwise?

Yellabee, I'm also looking forward to getting to know you better!

How have you been? How is your baby boy doing? Is he your first child or do you have others too? I would imagine you are quite busy with everything being a mother brings along. I'm always happy to hear when an HIV+ woman gets a healthy baby like you did. I remember when I was first diagnosed I immediately started to cry that I can never have a child. I heard right there and then that it's not true and there's no reason to think that way but it was still something I battled with for a while. I don't have any kids but that's because the father candidates have been lousy ones

Now I'm starting to think I'll never have kids of my own but I think I'm fine with that.

I'm really glad to see you guys posting here and hope we can support each other and just share our thoughts about whatever's on our mind. Like now I really want to have some chocolate, I think I deserve that on a Saturday...

Take care everyone!

Lasthope · « **Reply #4 on:** March 28, 2015, 11:19:30 pm »

Thank you, lupetto

Come join me

wish my plans it great happy and have fun. And i wish you happy too beautiful lady .

Hugs x

didee · « **Reply #5 on:** March 30, 2015, 01:58:18 am »

Hi all,

I like the idea of having this way of sharing, it's always easier with others that are going thru the same things. I've been positive for 30 years come this April! Everything has changed so much over the years and hopefully will continue to get even better. I haven't had anyone in my life since my husband passed many years ago. I'd love to have that special someone in my life again, but it seems so hard to meet someone when I don't want to meet them at a club, and then there's that fear of having to tell them about being positive. That's my biggest thing I guess, is not wanting to continue growing old alone. Thankfully I do have some really great friends, but it'd be nice to have someone to cuddle with again :-) and someone to come home to. I've been fortunate to have good health over the years and continue to work full time. I'm getting a little closer to retirement, but wasn't good at saving, so need to get my butt in gear in that area. That's great Lupetto that you have free health care and that's it's great....haven't heard of that before lol :-) Lasthope, going to the beach sounds wonderful! I haven't been to a beach in sooo long and wish I could go to one, enjoy!!

D

Lasthope · « **Reply #6 on:** March 30, 2015, 03:01:51 am »

Hi, didee

I just plans for birthday and i hope i will have fun I really love the beach. Come join me

wish you happy and healthy.

Be strong x
Take care

lupetto · « **Reply #7 on:** March 30, 2015, 03:13:20 pm »

Lasthope, I would love to hang out at the beach with you and your friends but I'm afraid you're bit far away from me.

But I'll be there in spirit, ok? Over here it's been snowing the whole day and forecast is promising the same kind of weather for the whole week. And here I was thinking winter was over. But then again I shouldn't be surprised, this happens pretty much every year.

Didee, so nice meeting you! Wow, 30 years! I was just about to turn 1 year when you were diagnosed.

I can't even imagine how your journey with this virus has been like, I'm so happy that you have made it through everything and are here on the forum. And can give us some perspective on things. I totally understand what you mean by wanting to meet someone special. I feel like that sometimes too but it's not so easy like you said. Though I think it's difficult even without this virus.

Sorry to hear that your husband has passed away. Was he positive too? I'm trying to remind myself as often as I need to that I wouldn't let the virus control my life, e.g. not be afraid of meeting new people because of it. Sometimes that just isn't working so well... But good to hear you have wonderful friends in your life, they are so important for us all! About retirement, I remember when I was first diagnosed I was sure I would never retire as I would certainly die before it. Now that feels like such a distant thought and silly to even have had it. Now I'm sometimes talking with my friends what we're gonna be like as 80-year-old grannies and have no doubt that wouldn't happen

Heh, I had to rely on that healthcare of ours today and luckily everything went smoothly. I should clarify that the HIV related health care & meds are free and I'm so pleased with all that. Basic health care is also free and for other meds you don't have to pay the full price either so all in all it's pretty good. Some things might not always be working quite perfectly (like there might be long queues for certain things) but that's still not too bad. I try not to complain too much as I know I have things so good over here.

I've been reading a bit of the insurances etc. in the States, I don't know how anyone can make sense of it all. I know I wouldn't have had the energy to find out all about it while I was diagnosed so hats off to anyone who's done that. I was really blessed as I could just follow the clear instructions I was given and not worry about the practicalities.

Hope you're doing fine my ladies, looking forward to hearing more from you soon again!

BT65 · « **Reply #8 on:** March 31, 2015, 05:54:53 am »

Hey all, I think it's great to have this online support. A couple years ago we used to have a thread here that myself and some other ladies would post in almost every day, but it went by the wayside. Most of the lading moved on and quit posting and unfortunately one lady passed away. So, it's great to see the support revived!

So, my name is Betty and I've been poz since the late 80's. I went through the wasting syndrome in the early 90's, got down to 80 lbs. I recover from that but I have stuff wrong due to long term infection and the early meds. Since October of last year I've had 5 broken bones and had a rod put in my right leg, which is the leg/ankle/foot side that all my broken bones have been in.

I work part time, live in the States, and used to be a case manager for people with HIV/AIDS. Anyway, I don't want to keep rattling so I hope to read more!

Betty

lupetto · « **Reply #9 on:** March 31, 2015, 02:09:35 pm »

Hey all!
I've stayed home sick today and have been looking at the seagulls flying above my neighbourhood. How exciting, I know.

But I'm so amazed by them, there aren't usually any seagulls around here where I live. I guess they are on their way somewhere... Well, it's been good entertainment for my day!

Betty, nice to hear you had that kind of threads here before. I hope we can bring it back again.

I think we all need some support and sharing every now and then. I've been reading about your health struggles on other threads, I'm so sorry you have to go through all that! I sincerely hope you will start getting better soon. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be. Stay strong, you've won so many battles already, you will beat this one too! I must say you really are a hero to me and I appreciate so much the support you are giving to everyone here.

Talk to you all soon again, take care girls!

lupetto · « **Reply #10 on:** April 05, 2015, 06:38:02 am »

Sorry ladies but I need to vent a little... I was hanging out with my best friend yesterday and somehow the topic of HIV came about. She doesn't know I'm HIV+ and I have often thought about telling her but she has said things that keep me quiet about it. Yesterday she was saying HIV+ people can't have relationships anymore and can't have children. We talked about this a lot and I tried to make her see the realities and that what she thought was just untrue. She wouldn't agree with anything I said and eventually said that "fine, maybe they can have relationships and kids but they shouldn't because that's wrong". She also said that she would not allow anyone she knew was HIV+ around her loved ones, for example her sister's kids (who I also know) and that even though she knows how HIV is transmitted she doesn't trust that you wouldn't get it other ways too and she could not be at ease around someone who was HIV+.

Obviously this all made me really sad but also angry. We have talked about this all many, many times during the years but her attitude has not changed one bit. I feel that maybe I should tell her about my status so that it would perhaps open her eyes about it all. But then again I'm terrified of telling her and don't know if that would make any difference since I have educated her of the matter countless times. It saddens me that I keep this a secret from her but I feel like right now I don't have the energy to deal with everything that might follow after telling her. But I also notice I'm getting angry at her and can't really say why unless I tell the whole truth. It's like HIV is affecting our friendship whether I tell her or not... I don't know what I'm expecting to happen but I just needed to tell someone about it all.

Well, on a positive note, if I'm to believe the weather forecasts I might see some sunshine next week after a whole week of grey skies and rain! AND, I bought myself a lovely new dress so I am so ready to party next week at my friends' wedding.

Anyway, I hope you are all doing fine and enjoying your Easter chocolate eggs!

BT65 · « **Reply #11 on:** April 06, 2015, 06:53:46 pm »

Lupetto,

It sounds like you need a new best friend. Honestly, I have a friend who is as "square" as they get (country-music listening to, Jesus-loving etc) who accepted me without question and is still friends on Facebook-and if she were not-I would definitely cut her out of my life.

But you know this friend. Maybe you could tell her without her freaking out? I mean, to the point she would cut you out by being so gossipy? I don't want to keep you from your friend if you're sure she wouldn't take to local media and let everyone know?

I'm just worried about you, that's all. Keep yourself safe.

Betty

karry · « **Reply #12 on:** April 12, 2015, 08:28:37 pm »

Hi Ladies,
Been reading this post and wanting to join in but one thing always led to another.

Lupetto, reading you post about your friend brought to my memory an experience I had a few years back. A close friend was also discussing HIV/AIDS with me and got to the point of saying "anyone who gets HIV/AIDS in the 21st century is very stupid and deserves to perish". I was shocked, because I fitted the description...I got infected in 2007. I tried to argue with him too about the rights of people living with HIV and he was adamant they should not even try to have kids or live a life because according to him they had nothing to offer to the kids.

I decided I will never disclose my status to him and I got very angry with him. I just learnt recently that his own sister was diagnosed with AIDS and he had a hard time accepting it. He finally accepted the diagnosis, and this has changed his perspective on people living with HIV/AIDS. He no longer thinks we are a bunch of stupid folks who deserve to perish. For this person to learn to accept positive people, it had to touch him on a personal level...his own beloved sister. Now he is her main care-giver, and he is no longer judgemental. Despite his experience and acceptance of people living with HIV I still don't feel the need to tell him about my life.

If you feel the need to tell your friend, do tell her. But only do it if you feel comfortable with the possible outcome: she could become even closer to you....or she could outright shun you. Personally, I made a decision a while ago that each time I disclose to someone, its someone I am ready to accept losing should they shun or reject me because of my status. So far, everyone I told has become even closer and more supportive. But I am at the point where I wont bother losing those who reject me because of my status. If they cant see pass a virus in my blood, then I don't need them anywhere near me. I am positive...and I need only positive-thinking people around me.

xoxo
Karry

BT65 · « **Reply #13 on:** April 13, 2015, 08:58:35 am »

Unfortunately, too many people only accept HIV when it touches their close personal circle, usually family.

When I was a medical transcriptionist, one of the doctors I worked for was one of this area's first (of two) HIV doctors. I remember reading all these horror stories of the patients, other than me and a couple others. And what they went through. I didn't feel disdain at all for these people, only sadness, and moreso because many of them became my close, personal friends.

When I tested positive and started building a network, which included many gay people, my mom, who was a religious fanatic all her life, basically totally changed from being judgmental to being accepting. She even would invite my gay friends over for holidays when she knew their families wouldn't. She got to know them as "people," not just "those people." But, it took HIV touching her family. Not that it would have done it any other way, I don't believe my mom even used to contemplate HIV when it was becoming a national issue. She was too up in years.

Thanks for this thread. I hope we can continue to build., We're some badasses! Lol.

Betty

lupetto · « **Reply #14 on:** April 14, 2015, 01:01:32 pm »

Hey girls!

Karry, nice that you joined us!

And thanks to you both for your thoughts and listening to me vent. This is a tricky thing, I guess. I trust my friend and I've known her all my life. In the past years we have got even closer and can share so many things. Part of me believes she would change her mind if she knew about my status; I mean she would accept me and learn more about HIV. But then again I'm questioning this and wondering what would happen. I can't imagine she would cut me out of her life but maybe she would view me differently. I guess my biggest fear is she would freak out about me, be scared. I suppose I need to be stronger and more sure about myself before I tell her. I think her initial reaction might be hard for me to face. I feel the need to tell some of my friends/family but I guess this particular friend won't be the one I start with.

I guess we overcome our prejudice only when it hits close enough. Well, for some it does not happen even then. I lost one of my (then) best friends when I told her about my depression. Even still today when I think about it, it baffles me. It was really tough to face at the time and still saddens me but I'm over it now. My oldest brother on the other hand used to say the most horrible things about depressed people and I again tried to hide my condition from him and argue his views. Eventually I told him I was one of those people he so much despised and he was shocked but changed his mind pretty much immediately. We are now even closer.

Quote from: karry on April 12, 2015, 08:28:37 pm

If they cant see pass a virus in my blood, then I don't need them anywhere near me. I am positive...and I need only positive-thinking people around me.

I like the way you put it, Karry. That's just what it is, a virus in the blood. Isn't it amazing that a simple thing like that can scare some people so much or based on that some like to judge the people!?

Like the virus would affect how we are as people.

Quote from: BT65 on April 13, 2015, 08:58:35 am

We're some badasses! Lol.

Hell yeah!

newbie92 · « **Reply #15 on:** April 14, 2015, 09:13:13 pm »

Hello ladies!! It's very nice meeting you all. I'm new to the game haha. I am 22 andI was recently diagnosed last March. Honestly, I'm stupendous. I am still with the guy that I contracted this from and yes, I love him

I focus on school soooo much it's in the back of my mind. I can't wait until this semester is over so I can let loose lol. Having this illness is the least of my worries. I live in Maryland if anyone else it out there!!

BT65 · « **Reply #16 on:** April 17, 2015, 09:07:07 am »

Hey Newbie! Welcome to the mix. I'm glad to read you're going to school. I just completed my undergrad (bachelor's) about 6 or 7 years ago. Then, I had gone all the way through a master's program in forensic psych, started writing my thesis, and fell and fractured my hip. That was the end of that. Anyway, school is good!

Also glad to read you're in a good relationship. My first husband, who I got the virus from, died in '89. If he were alive I don't know if I would be with him or not; but not because of the virus, he was a bad alcoholic. I still love him, always will, just not in the way I used to.

I hope you find here the support you're looking for. I actually live in Michigan, but have a niece who lives in Baltimore. Good to hear from you!

Betty

Weber · « **Reply #17 on:** April 18, 2015, 10:44:10 pm »

Hello all,

Nice to this girl-to-girl solidarity here

I've been poz since July 2014. my fiancée and I split right after the news. I couldn't handle his betrayal. Right after we broke up, he went back to his ex whom he got HIV from during our relationship (long story). I'm still confident I made the right decision breaking up with him, tho knowing having a new partner in the future would become extremely complicated.

I'm a college professor, 35 years old. Since testing poz, I pretty much became a workholic which has been the only thing that really keeps me going. My social relationships didn't change much. Nobody in my life knows my status. I feel comfortable this way although in different forums I've been reading different opinions about disclosure. I had one very bad disclosure experience which closed the door for me for now. loneliness doesn't bother me much at this point, yet I don't know what future holds. I still think I haven't really dealt with my dx besides taking my meds which I'm 100% comfortable with. I guess I'm just trying to live my life just as it was before, thinking everything is fine as long as I don't get sick. not sure this is a healthy approach...

Regardless, I really appreciate the support here and I definitely agree that online support much easier and more comfortable...as suggested, I think it would be nice to turn this into a regular posting every day/week.

03my3kids3 · « **Reply #18 on:** April 21, 2015, 12:15:03 pm »

Hello Ladies!

I want to thank all of you beautiful women who inspire and encourage me each day by reading your post. I've been reading the post on the various forums since my dx 3/19/2012.
But it's because of this forum and this sisterhood thread that motivated me to do so today. My journey has been rough, but God has brought me from a might long way.
It was a blow that made my knees buckle when I found out that I was poz and when my labs came back to find out I had Aids (CD4 134) my body gave way and I found myself face down on the floor.

I believe that I contracted the virus from my husband because we got married in June 2009 and I got sick the first week of January. I thought it was the flu so I self medicated myself with some over the counter medicine and returned back to work a week later. I was angry at him and myself for allowing this to happen. Because I was so naive. I met him in the church and I asked him when was the last time he was tested for STD'S and he told me years ago but he has been abstinent since then. I wanted to keep my marriage together because I truly wanted us to grow old together and live to see our Grandchildren and even our Great Grandchildren.

So I went into survival mode, (fight or flee) I chose to fight because I have three children and siblings who I love too much. Because no matter what you are going through it's never going to be about you.

I thank God because he's been fighting my battles for me. I starting taking my meds faithfully, never been sick and been UD since 2012!
My husband left the marriage 10/14 but that's ok because A man's rejection is God's protection!
I am truly at peace in my mind and home! I don't fear death, I fear not living life to the fullest!

Ladies I pray that I will live to see a cure. But the saving grace is that we can still live a full life!
We can still get married, have children, continue our education. Life is what you make it.

Our days was numbered before we were knitted in our mother's womb and this virus is not going to add or subtract from them!

Peace & Blessings!

lupetto · « **Reply #19 on:** April 22, 2015, 03:58:22 am »

Nice to see so many new lovely ladies joining us here.

I'm so glad we can have this thread among all the other great ones and support each other when needed and share some laughs and tears along the way. I've been away from home for few days and missed all the action here

I had lovely time with some of my friends that I don't get to see so often, now I feel like I've been given an energy boost and am so happy of being reminded how great people I have in my life.

Newbie, I love hearing how great things are for you! I try to follow your example and get motivated with school again. I have had such a hard time finishing my studies but I really want to get it done. Work just takes a lot of time and energy and something in my head keeps me from getting into my books etc again. But I try harder, I promise!

Weber, I relate to so many things you are saying! I also ended a bad relationship and never regretted it. Being by myself is so much better than being in a bad relationship. I hope one day I'll meet someone great and can have all those things I once dreamed of though right now I'm pretty happy about being single. I haven't disclosed to anyone in my life either but unlike you I'm not very comfortable with that. I think that might change soon, I could tell someone about the infection. Well, I've been living with this for years already and it's starting to bother me to keep it a secret. My way of handling the diagnosis has been very similar to yours. I also turned to work and studies after my diagnosis and that kept me going. For long time I didn't really think about HIV at all, just took the meds and was happy for being healthy. I still don't know what it means to deal with it but I now am trying to figure out what it all means for me. A slow process, I guess.

03, welcome to the forums! I'm glad to hear you are doing better after some hard times, good that you are UD and healthy! And sorry for the end of your marriage but it's good that you are dealing so well with it. I don't personally wait for a cure but I wish there would be an end to new infections. And I agree with you, life is what we make it.

karry · « **Reply #20 on:** April 22, 2015, 11:11:36 am »

Awesome thread.
Thanks Weber and 03 for sharing your stories. It makes me angry at times to see how this virus came in and disrupted our lives, but reading testimonies from all you powerful ladies makes me gain comfort in your ability to move on despite all the havoc caused by HIV in your lives.

Often I stop to think what my life would have been like without HIV.....but then I quickly pull myself from that dream and focus on the present. For me its been 8 years since diagnosis, and I finally came to terms with my life in the last two years or so. The first six years were not the easiest.

Like you, 03, I am a believer. And I draw a lot of strength, hope and positivity from my faith. It keeps me going when all else seems to be letting me down.

These last weeks I am in a place of mixed feelings: fear and hope. I have been with my partner for over five years now and we want a baby so much. We had some fertility issues, but last year I conceived twice, and unfortunately lost the babies. I am once again pregnant...and scared. As much as I dream of having this baby, I am so scared because of my previous miscarriages and the fact that I am currently on pain meds for my leg.

Anyways, enough ranting.
xoxoxo
K.

lupetto · « **Reply #21 on:** April 22, 2015, 01:43:33 pm »

Karry, I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. But congratulations on your pregnancy, I really hope it will all go well for you and your partner. How far is your pregnancy now? I can imagine how scary it is after everything you've been through but I truly wish the best for you!! (((hugs)))

I sometimes wonder how my life would be without HIV too but then again realise that my life isn't like this because of HIV, there is so much more that has happened and made my life and me the way it is now. I don't really get mad at the virus for changing my life, I get mad at myself for letting the virus affect my life in so many ways. Before my infection I always thought I would meet a great guy and start a family, I never even doubted that it wouldn't happen. After the infection, I kind of shut down for a long time and the idea of a relationship seemed like very distant and I had so mixed feelings about having children too. I'm sad and disappointed in myself that I have not lived my life to the fullest and kind of "wasted" the years of my youth but I can't change that anymore. Now I try to focus on the today and future. Having a relationship and children doesn't seem impossible anymore (like it did few years ago) but they still scare the hell out of me sometimes. But that's not because of HIV, it's the other issues I'm dealing with.

vivyt · « **Reply #22 on:** April 23, 2015, 08:44:30 am »

Hello ladies! I so needed to read this. I've been absent for a while but it's nice to return to such positivity. Thank you lupetto for your post. I have to constantly remind myself that HIV doesn't exempt me from all the good life has to offer. It's still, after 8 years from being diagnosed, a daily struggle.

Weber · « **Reply #23 on:** April 24, 2015, 12:24:26 am »

Lupetto, I couldn't have expressed it any better! I kinda don't know what it means to deal with HIV either. I felt numb when I heard I had it, broke up with my fiancé, but since then life just goes on. So vivyt when you say "daily struggle" I can't quite relate to it. I don't feel like struggling. Did I just quickly accept it or am I in denial I can't tell

lol...do I sound weird? Am I supposed to have bigger reactions to my condition? I'd like to hear from more experienced members.

vivyt · « **Reply #24 on:** April 24, 2015, 08:27:41 am »

Weber, I think what I meant by daily struggle is that I use the HIV to hold me back. I forget I have it but then when I think about putting myself out there, dating, I remember and put that wall back up. Does that make sense?

Weber · « **Reply #25 on:** April 24, 2015, 09:09:05 pm »

Vivyt, yes gotcha. You meant specifically struggling in the dating scene. I thought you meant more broader sense of the term like psychologically: stressing out, feeling down or isolated etc.

lupetto · « **Reply #26 on:** April 25, 2015, 02:20:38 am »

Hey vivyt, nice meeting you!

I can't say HIV would have been a daily struggle to me either at any point though I did let it affect me in many ways. I think my journey has combined both acceptance and denial... I withdrew myself from some social circles and dating was a quite scary idea. Well, it still can be. This week as I was talking to my therapist I understood that I only now have started to think that being HIV+ doesn't make me any worse and it's not a reason for me not to have a relationship. Before I "knew" that's how it is but didn't really believe it to be true in my case. Now I honestly think that if a virus is a problem for someone then that really is their problem, not something that should restrict my life. It also doesn't seem like a big secret I would have to reveal to a potential partner, more like a matter-of-fact thing that doesn't change me as a person in any way. I so wish understanding this hadn't take me YEARS but I guess I'm bit slow...

The thing is, I had issues with self esteem way before my diagnosis. I grew up thinking I wasn't quite as good as others around me. So being raped and becoming HIV+ didn't make that any easier (I became so full of self-hatred, shame, guilt, feeling worthless, you name it) but maybe they were big enough things to force me to look more deeply inside me and get to know myself and appreciate myself again. I'm now in a very different place than I was before my diagnosis but also just the last few years have been quite a journey to a more healthy self esteem. I still haven't reached the finish line but I can see it getting closer. Okay, end of rambling now!

Weber · « **Reply #27 on:** April 25, 2015, 07:14:32 pm »

Lupetto,

We all deal with the same issue, but I got HIV from my ex-fiancé and you through rape!!! I mean WOW!!! I can't even imagine how tough that would be. it's like double trauma and I really admire you for coming such a long way, regaining your self esteem and showing the strength to embrace a brand new outlook on life. Good job! Keep up the good work

BT65 · « **Reply #28 on:** April 28, 2015, 06:02:33 am »

Lupetto, I went through an abduction and days-long rape and physical abuse when I was 15. I understand your feelings, though HIV wasn't around back then, I still got a couple different STD's and torn raw skin in the vaginal/anal region.

Vivyt, good to see you! You've been missed!

Betty

lupetto · « **Reply #29 on:** April 28, 2015, 02:00:01 pm »

Hey my dear girls!
Oh boy, I didn't mean to lead this thread towards rape and other nasty things like that... But I guess we can talk about whatever we want to.

Betty, I remember your story, it's so unbelievable. To go through something like that at such a young age... it breaks my heart. I'm so glad you made it through that and are here amongst us, being the lovely and inspirational, beautiful lady that you are!

Weber, I really feel for you for being infected by your ex. I've always thought it must be horrible to be betrayed by someone you love and then to top all that get infected with HIV. I guess there aren't any good/bad or better/worse ways to get HIV, the end result is always the same and no one wants it. But I think many of us struggle with the things we attach to getting HIV; be it violence, betrayal or whatever. I mean I have for example had a hard time thinking about HIV apart from the way I got it, which hasn't really done me any good. Only now I'm starting to see it as what it is, a virus. To be honest, I still have hard time with that sometimes even now but I've just realised I'm now in a totally new place with all this. And it feels so good!

Another thing I've understood during these years is that HIV can make your old/other issues even bigger. That's what I meant e.g. with my poor self esteem. It was already there in the background and then after my diagnosis it escalated. And again, I confused many things with HIV. So if I before thought I'm not good enough for something, I might then think that was because of HIV. Stupid, I know. I think talking about that with other HIV+ people, friends or therapist might have helped but I kept quiet about it all for many, many years. That's why I always hope newly diagnosed people wouldn't do the same mistakes I did and instead talk to someone and not try to handle it all by themselves.

Okay, what's wrong with me, why can't I just write a simple, short message?! Maybe that's the effects of HIV too?

karry · « **Reply #30 on:** April 28, 2015, 06:46:47 pm »

Lol, Lupetto, you write beautiful, interesting, touching and important long things. So please keep it coming.
Karry (who right now lives a life of constant nausea. lol)

BT65 · « **Reply #31 on:** April 29, 2015, 05:09:16 am »

Larry, did I miss something? Why are you having the constant nausea?

Lupetto, I agree with Karry, you're a beautiful writer. I'm sorry if I missed this, but what do you do day to day? I mean like what type of work do you do? You eventually may want to consider being a therapist or life coach, you're very compassionate and your words are heartfelt.

Today I'm going to my first husband's family's. I don't know if I put it in this thread but he was the one who infected me and he passed in 1989. Before a couple weeks ago, I hadn't seen any of them in over 20 years. They don't talk about the HIV, they're very traditional Hispanic family. I met them a couple weeks ago at his grave and they were very nice. So I'm hoping today goes well. I'm a bit worried about 1 or 2 of his surviving brothers being there because there was some bad blood there. We'll see.

Betty

vivyt · « **Reply #32 on:** April 29, 2015, 08:39:13 am »

Thank you Betty. I have missed this fabulous group of women.

karry · « **Reply #33 on:** April 29, 2015, 10:48:47 am »

@Betty, lol, I am going through the joys of first trimester pregnancy symptoms. Have my first visit tomorrow....anxious. First time i ever got this far. The last two ended before I ever got my obygyn visit.

I hope your visit to his family goes well. Sending you hugs and good vibes.
xoxoxo
K.

lupetto · « **Reply #34 on:** May 02, 2015, 03:07:51 pm »

Karry, I'm sorry you're feeling nauseous but since it's sort of a good kind of nausea I almost hope it will last.

I am really happy to hear your pregnancy has got further than before! I am so hoping that it will all go perfectly for you guys! I'm thinking of you and keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you.

Betty, I work with people, in the social science field. I really do not want to become a therapist but I do enjoy meeting and interacting with people. My work and the people I have come across with have given me so much and I'm grateful for all that.

So how did your visit to your husband's family go? I'm not surprised at all if you were worried, it's been such a long time and everything else you mentioned. But how lovely that you met them like that! I hope you had a nice visit! Maybe you have told it somewhere but I don't remember, was your husband also the father of your daughter? I hope you don't mind me asking!

Hugs to all my lovely girls, hope you are all well!

karry · « **Reply #35 on:** May 03, 2015, 11:47:31 am »

Hi ladies,
@Lupetto: Thanks for the good wishes and the vibes. The visit went well and I cried, silly me. We heard his/her heartbeat. It was awesome...it sounded like horses galloping! I just lay there and cried, tears of joy. I hope it continues well. The nurse asked me and my partner if we wanted to record the sound but I refused. For me it was something so magical I heard there and then, but I did not want to record it. I just want my mind to remember that moment, without the help of technology. Sounds silly, but it was just too magical for me to want to hold onto in any other way but natural..in my mind and heart.

I hope every one of you ladies is having a great weekend. Here in Canada we are blessed with gloriously warm weather this weekend. Hoping to go out and tend to my flowers and ask my partner to help me prepare my vegetable garden in the backyard. I love digging in the soil and growing vegies. Its very calming.

Hugs to all
K.

lupetto · « **Reply #36 on:** May 04, 2015, 02:53:32 pm »

Karry, what a beautiful picture you paint of your doctor's visit! It must have been so amazing and magical, I am very happy for you guys. I can feel the love you have for this child.

I got my fingers dirty as well when I was digging them in the soil and putting some flowers and herbs on my balcony. I would love to have a yard where I could grow more stuff but then again I might go bit crazy if I had that opportunity so maybe it's better to have a limited space.

I also find gardening very soothing, I can completely forget whatever worries I might have and simply feel relaxed and happy.

Hope you are all doing fine and having a great start for your week! Take care girls!

Rosie117 · « **Reply #37 on:** May 08, 2015, 04:16:09 pm »

Hi ladies! Rosie here. I've been following this thread and meaning to post when I have time to sit down at the computer. First of all, thank you to Lupetto for starting this! Since I found out about my diagnosis, despite the constant support of my fiancé, I've felt a small sadness at not having someone I can vent to who knows exactly what I'm going through. A lot of the people who've reached out to me on this board when I've asked for advice or reassurance are men, and while I appreciate their help immensely, it's just not the same as having another woman to talk to. My story: I was diagnosed October 2014, started treatment November 2014, became undetectable by December 2014, and I have my first doctor's appointment since then next week. I was already engaged when I found out I'm poz. Luckily, my fiancé did not contract it from me, and he has been my rock during this process. I honestly do not know when I contracted the virus. I have never used drugs, so I assume I got it through unprotected sex at some point. I often feel ashamed when I think of that, since 'sleeping around' already has such a negative connotation and makes me feel bad about my past. I had finally settled down when bam, I find out I have this. I know I should have been tested in the past; unfortunately I was young & naive and though it would never happen to me. Such is life; now here I am. I'm still pretty youngish (30), but now I have started to worry about my future and whether I will be able to have a healthy child or whether I will live a normal lifespan. I am happily taking my meds every day, and have honestly never felt better since I started treatment. I try to take life one day at a time and just enjoy it, in the hopes I will stay healthy as long as possible. Even people without the disease can die any day from anything, so really what is different between us and them besides us having to take meds every day? Not much. Anyway, I hope you all are doing well and I look forward to talking more!

karry · « **Reply #38 on:** May 08, 2015, 05:16:06 pm »

Hi Rosie and welcome to the girlie chat.
The most important thing is that you got tested, you know your status and you are taking care of your health.
I want to give you some reassurance about your possibilities of being a mother and having a healthy baby. Myself and SO are both positive. I am currently expecting. During our last visit, the dr at the specialized centre for pregnant HIV+ women informed us that since 1997, they have not had a single positive baby born to HIV+ mothers under their care. They have had close to 1000 births! Their last case was that of a lady who did not take her treatment during pregnancy and passed the virus to the baby.
I am a very optimistic person, and statistics like these show me I have all the chances of having a normal healthy baby if I follow my drs recommendations. And girl, I am following them religiously!!! I owe that to my unborn baby.

They already informed me I will have a regular birth, not a C-section, unless something urgent happens. The only restriction I have is breastfeeding when the baby comes.

I wish you lots of luck and happiness and I hope you will follow your dreams of having a baby, because you can definitely have a healthy baby. Many mums on this forum can testify.

Hugs to you
K

Cerise_81 · « **Reply #39 on:** May 12, 2015, 09:25:35 am »

Cerise here,

Online support is also great but if anyone's in the west palm beach area looking to hang out friends I'm here. I'm on the computer all day at work and find it hard to come home from work to be online on a tablet, desktop or laptop all over again. I need to get out the house and have fun with people who understands me. One of the reasons I'm rarely online.

lupetto · « **Reply #40 on:** May 18, 2015, 01:45:11 pm »

Hey girls!
I've missed you all! I've been away from home and computers for a while and after coming back home I've felt sooo tired that I haven't even visited the forums here. So Cerise, I totally understand if you don't want to get online anymore after work. I hope you'll find new friends in your area, I feel like I would need that too. But I'm also extremely happy to have found you all here!

Please stop by whenever you feel like it.

Rosie, so nice that you joined us here though I'm sorry of your diagnosis. Here you can vent all you like.

Things have happened so fast for you, congrats on reaching UD as well! How was your latest doctor's appointment? I'm glad to hear you are in a good, supportive relationship. I used to also feel very ashamed about having this infection and only now, after many years it has started to pass. Now I understand there's nothing to be ashamed of. And you shouldn't think having HIV would mean you've been "sleeping around" or using drugs. I know that's what most people have in their mind even still today but that's their problem, their ignorance. We shouldn't let that affect us, define us. Most people have sex in their lives and almost everyone at some point have unprotected sex. It doesn't have to happen more than once, it's just a matter of bad luck. It can happen while you're in a relationship or with a one-night stand.

All those things you are thinking/worrying about are very normal but give yourself some time and talk about everything that's on your mind here on the forums. It usually helps.

It's so good that you got tested and diagnosed in time, you will be just fine! I often think I'm so glad I went to get tested when I did and found out about it so early on, it's scary to think what could have happened had I waited for years...

Karry, how are you doing my darling? Is the nausea or tiredness easing off already? My doctors are always saying the same things as yours: there's no reason not to have a child and it will be a healthy one, all the children that have been born to HIV+ mothers have been negative as long as the status of the mother has been known. In fact, the doctors tell me that so often that I've got totally tired of hearing it

They almost keep pushing me to get pregnant and I keep telling them it won't happen as long as I'm single

I'm no Virgin Mary, after all...

I have my next doctor's appointment coming up soon. I've noticed I still get stressed and nervous every time before that. I don't think it's anymore worrying about my results, I've started to trust that they will be fine, they always have been. But going there always makes having HIV somehow more "real" and I also always get reminded of how I got it. I wish I could some day just go there like to any other doctor's appointment. One thing I've also noticed is that with these appointments you talk about many very personal and even intimate things, it's different than with other doctors. Does any of you feel the same way?

Hugs to all my lovely ladies, hope you are all fine!

karry · « **Reply #41 on:** May 19, 2015, 07:31:33 pm »

@ Lupetto!
Welcome back! Your drs are right! I will be blowing secret golden baby dust your way ....and I am certain you will meet a worthy guy too!

I am doing great. The nausea lessened as I moved into the second trimester! Plus all is going great and I saw the little angel for the first time on ultrasound last week.
I am more energetic now....changed meds too and feeling great. I was on kivexa and kaletra ....and I dreaded taking kaletra because it always made me feel funny (queasy). My wonderful dr changed kaletra for norvir and atazanavir. So two tablets less a day...yeah!

Future dad is running crazy...already painting the room this weekend! So I am going crazy choosing colors and decors......that's whats keeping me busy these days.

@ Betty: I have missed you on this girlie chat. I hope you get better and join us soon.

@ all the ladies: I hope you are having a nice time, or that you are being surrounded by nice people, and my wish for you all is that something or someone special brings a smile to brighten your week.

Hugs
K.

lupetto · « **Reply #42 on:** May 20, 2015, 01:29:24 pm »

Karry, I'm so happy to hear you are feeling better and that the pregnancy is going so well! Second trimester already, how fast the time is going! It must have been amazing to finally see the little one on ultrasound after everything you've been through. I'm so happy reading all this, thanks for sharing your journey with us Karry!

And thanks for the secret dust

Though to be honest I'm not sure anymore if I even want to have kids. I enjoy my freedom and question how good I would be on that whole parenting thing... What irritates me is that I have told my doctors countless times that I'm not sure if I want to have kids but they always keep telling me I should. I'm so annoyed that the "normal" thing would be to live in a relationship and have kids and since I'm not doing either I'm "unnormal". And every damn time we have to have the same talks, it's almost like in their mind there's something wrong with being single at my age. </rant>

I used to be on Kivexa and Kaletra as well but couldn't really take the latter, I was so nauseas and had all sorts of stomach pains. Isn't it great how many options there are these days for the meds so we can all find one that suits us.

And I miss you too, Betty! Hope you will join us soon again! And vivyt, Weber and all the rest too, hope you guys are fine too!

Rosie117 · « **Reply #43 on:** May 25, 2015, 11:18:04 am »

Karry & Lupetto, thank you for your kind words.

Karry, I am glad to hear you are doing well in your pregnancy. I look forward to being a mom hopefully int he next few years, so I will definitely be looking for more advice along the way! I am so happy for you that you should be able to have a natural birth. I didn't think that was an option for us, so I hope I will be able to do that as well (provided no emergencies, I understand).

Lupetto, you are so right, being infected is just a matter of bad luck. I think I just have guilt issues, especially about sex, since I was raised Catholic!

Seriously though, sometimes I think maybe it was this person way back then, or maybe it was this person I'd have never suspected. Either way, it doesn't matter. I shouldn't feel any more dirty or ashamed than a non-poz person. That's a personal feeling I have been working on trying to accept, and I definitely feel more and more comfortable with it each day.

Also, thank you for asking about my doctor's appt. Everything went so well! I am still undetectable. My CD4 went down a tad, but my doctor said it is insignificant. Lupetto, what you mentioned about your doctor's appointments I also feel! My ID doctor is amazing, let me just say that. I still get nervous before seeing her though, and maybe it is especially because she only has regular office hours 2 days a week and usually gets stuck at the local hospital in the mornings with emergencies, so each appointment I've ended up waiting between 2-5 hours past my appointment time! The waiting makes it even worse, but I understand the patients she is seeing need and are getting her advice & support. I am so grateful when I finally get my time with her because she always knows just what to say to make me feel better about myself, whether it's personal or medical insight. So yes I do feel like our relationship is much more intimate than other doctors! I have to mention I feel like my primary care doctor and I have gotten on a closer level since my diagnosis as well. I'm happy I have these talented professionals involved in my care.

BT65 · « **Reply #44 on:** May 28, 2015, 05:50:35 am »

Hey ladies, sorry I was absent for a while. Life has been busy with work and personal stuff. Ksrry, glad the pregnancy is going better. I remember having an ultrasound with my daughter and them giving me a picture of her, but that was a long time ago. My daughter is going to be 31 this year, so hard to believe.

Lupetto, you're always such a ray of sunshine for everyone. I understand how you feel when seeing your HIV doctor. It will get to the point that seeing him is just second nature. I'lll be seeing you new ID doc in a month and I'm hoping it goes okay. I've heard the man is very dry.

Life is going right along. I've had some things going on that aren't so great but hopefully that won't last. Sometime I'll post about the recent things that have happened. But not right now. I hope everyone is feeling well!

Betty

newbie92 · « **Reply #45 on:** May 29, 2015, 08:35:15 am »

Hey ladies!! I'm glad everyone is doing well. Me being so young, you all truly motivate me. You guys are super strong and I'm glad you all are here!
I'm enjoy my little break from class until summer classes start 😔
All is well!

newbie92 · « **Reply #46 on:** May 29, 2015, 08:36:01 am »

Lupetto and Karry: I have to come make a visit this summer! Give me a reason to travel lol.

lupetto · « **Reply #47 on:** May 30, 2015, 02:39:24 pm »

Hey girls!

Wohoo, Betty is back! Sorry to hear you've had some hard times, I truly hope it will get better soon. Let us know if there's any way we can help out. You've been such a big support to so many people on these forums and I wish you only the best. I will never forget the support I got from you when I first joined the forums.

And thanks for the encouragement again. It has become a lot easier for me to see my doctors (here we don't have one doctor we see every time; it's usually a different one on every appointment so I'm also bit nervous about which dr it will be, though they are all nice but very different). I hope you will like you new doctor! Let us know how it goes.

Newbie, nice hearing from you again! I was about your age when I was diagnosed and I really admire how well you are handling it all, I wish I had had your strength and positive attitude back then! Your happiness inspires me, thanks for that!

When will your summer classes start? Do you get to enjoy any vacation or is it just studystudystudy for you? I hope you'll have the best summer! And I can give you few reasons to travel to my corner of Europe: magical summer nights, veeery delicious ice-cream and other summer treats (including self-grown tomatoes from my balcony), blooming nature... well, I guess those things you can find anywhere but me you can find only here, hahaha!

Rosie, so good to hear you like your doctor and that everything was fine with your last appointment. But having to wait for hours, wow! I don't think I could do it, you really have nerves of steel! I've sometimes had to wait about 20 minutes or so and I've been so nervous, funny how that goes. But I always calm down during the appointment. Though sometimes I might get bit anxious about all the personal things we might talk about but that's just me.

Isn't it funny how we can feel such guilt and shame about sex, even without the Catholic upbringing!

I think the fact that HIV is sexually transmitted makes it harder to talk about it. For example, I have sometimes thought that I would like to tell my brother about my diagnosis but the way of transmission is one thing why I don't feel so comfortable talking about it with him. Strange, right? I mean, we all have sex and there really is no reason to be ashamed of it. And then again, the movies, TV shows, music, adverts etc. are full of sex... Anyway, I'm glad to hear Rosie that you are starting to feel better about it all. I've also had to work hard to overcome those feelings of shame and guilt.

Karry, how is life over there? Did the future daddy finish the painting already?

What colour did you choose? I hope you're feeling well!

I was just thinking that these forums and especially all you ladies have become very important to me. When I first came here, I was a mess, going through one of those dark phases of depression and anxiety. I received amazing support from so many people here and I have come to see my HIV infection in a totally different light. I only wish I had found this place years ago but better late than never. Thank you all!

Take care my dears!

BT65 · « **Reply #48 on:** May 31, 2015, 05:49:31 am »

Lupetto, you're also a great support for all of us here! I'm grateful for you. As far as disclosure to your brother, well you know him best. And you're right, most of the world is sexually active. It can take a long time to get rid of the shame taught by some religions regarding sex without being married. I know, I was raised Seventh Day Adventist. I hear they've relaxed some but when I was in private school I swear the name of the classes I took should have been "How you're going to hell if you don't act right as dictated by us." Ugh.

So last Tuesday I had the nerves in my left knee burned. The goal is to greatly reduce the pain I have from avascular necrosis and osteoarthritis, which I've had for years. The doctor told me it could be a couple weeks before I feel the relief. The very next day I was rushing around and fell on the same knee. I don't think anything was broken sincec I'm able to walk on that leg. We'll see what happens.

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Betty

Onyx Rose · « **Reply #49 on:** May 31, 2015, 05:16:21 pm »

Hello ladies

Thank you for starting this thread, Lupetto. I have been a member of this forum for a few months already, but until now have been too shy to post. This seems like a friendly, warm place to start.

I was diagnosed in July 2008, but (can you believe it) have never met or spoken to another positive person. I have an awesome, supportive boyfriend (four years and going strong) as well as a wonderful family who all know my status, but sometimes I just need to hear from people who are going through the same things I am - be they emotional, practical, health-concerns etc. You ladies have been a reliable source for me to turm to. Reading about your lives, how normal they are and how similar they are to mine, make me feel less alone in this weird world of stigma and secrecy.

Sorry if that sounds weird, but this is a weird illness, isn't it? In that we can't, or don't, talk about it openly. It gets lonely.

Anyway, you have all been an inspiration. Thanks again, Lupetto, and good luck to you, Karry, with your little one on the way, and to you, Betty, with your knee (nerve-burning? Sounds painful!)

Best wishes

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