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Author Topic: Divorce  (Read 1239 times)

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Offline lovelife80

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Divorce
« on: July 09, 2017, 09:07:51 PM »
Hi ladies,
I am going thru a dilemma and I need outside input to help me. I have been diagnosed since 2009, right before I got married, I was 30. My husband is negative, and he is a soldier. I have been undetectable and my doctor just recently put me on Complera. I have had excellent care with Tricare insurance and I am so grateful. But unfortunately, our marriage is hanging by a thread. I am afraid I won't be able to afford my medicine and potential medical care if we do get a divorce. I work as a scheduler at a local hospital, have 2 kids from a previous relationship (don't have any with my husband for the obvious reason). I don't make that much money, honestly neither does my husband. The military offers more benefits than it pays. I can't stay in this marriage much longer, can't leave either. I feel stuck!

Offline PittGurl

  • Member
  • Posts: 291
Re: Divorce
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2017, 11:30:57 PM »
Im so sorry - i havent been in your situation but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. For some reason the womens boards aren't too active which is a little frustrating...feel very much more alone.
Infected between 5/16/15 - 7/19/15
8-2-15    CD4=286; VL=43800; 15% WB Positive Test Confirmed (waiting for genotype to start Triumeq)
9-4-15    Started Triumeq thanks to the people on this board encouraging me :)
9-21-15    CD4=570; VL 26; 30% 16 days on Triumeq…. HOLY COW it's working!
10-27-15   CD4=522; VL=UNDETECTABLE!!!; 29%    7 wks, 4 days on Triumeq
1-28-16    CD4=479; VL=UD; 31% almost 5 months on Triumeq
4-27-16    CD4=580; VL=UD; 32% almost 8 months on Triumeq
7-28-16    CD4=991; VL=UD; 38% almost 1 year on Triumeq
8-3-16    ONE YEAR DX
10-27-16    CD4=765; VL=UD; 39%
3-8-17   CD4=709; VL=27; 39%
7-13-17   CD4=942; VL=UD; 41%

Offline lovelife80

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: Divorce
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2017, 09:10:10 PM »
I thought I could get some support here. Apparently not...everyone reads but no comments.

Offline JimDublin

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 5,942
    • HIV Lessons
Re: Divorce
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2017, 01:45:05 AM »
Hi

I thought I could get some support here. Apparently not...everyone reads but no comments.

The vast majority of the readers are men, and that is why they read but don't comment. So I have moved your thread to the general section open to both men and women.

Sorry to hear you feel stuck and having to go through this. I was myself in a physical and an emotionally abusive marriage and in the end despite finances being mainly just debt, I left and it was the best thing i could do and I should have left sooner to be honest. What was holding me back, was the fear of "what if's" and caring for my two kids.

Quote
don't have any with my husband for the obvious reason
I must be missing the obvious.

Quote
But unfortunately, our marriage is hanging by a thread. I am afraid I won't be able to afford my medicine and potential medical care if we do get a divorce.

I can't comment on the financial part regarding treatment in the USA, but have you tried taking to your doctor about the situation and have you reached out to any of the ASO's yet for advice? There are from what i understand a number of support programs and assistance programs when it comes to affording meds, have you checked to see if in the new situation when you do leave if you would be eligible for any of them?   

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/paying-care-treatment
https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/drug-assistance-programs

On the breakdown of the marriage, I am really sorry to hear how you feel.
From your post its not really clear but have you decided 100% for sure that you want a divorce? What i mean with that is do you see no course reconciliation with your husband? Counselling etc? Is he aware of how you feel about the situation?

If you are going to leave start planning ahead a bit, could you get support from any family members or friends, even temporary?

Have you checked with citizens advice (No sure what you have or call it in the US) or advocacy group, or women group, to find out what financial assistance or support you may be entitled to, help with low income, and housing?

Do you have a joint bank accounts? Set up your own and start putting whatever you can into it even if its only a few bucks at a time (Be careful to ensure they don't sent any statement to your address)
 
Whatever does happen wishing you well.

Jim
« Last Edit: July 26, 2017, 01:56:04 AM by JimDublin »
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Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 898
Re: Divorce
« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2017, 09:54:44 AM »
With 200+ countries in the world that you might be living in, how is anyone going to tell you how to afford your medications?

Go on give the crowd something to work with.

Offline Lightfighter

  • Member
  • Posts: 180
Re: Divorce
« Reply #5 on: July 27, 2017, 07:44:18 PM »
If you are on an installation with a treatment facility try to get 90 day scripts.  If you rely on tricare prime remote and use a civilian pharmacy like Walgreens, they haven't done it for me yet (I'm active duty Army). Try the mail order pharmacy and see if you can get 90 day scripts. 

Depending on your state there may be a wait period for the divorce to be final.  You will still be covered under tricare and in DEERS, don't believe him otherwise.  Also remember, he is required by applicable service reg to provide you with support equivalent to his BAH without locality pay at a minimum until the divorce is final.

Go visit JAG to be familiar with the legal side of it, talk to your Dr about the medical side.

Offline dallas nk

  • Member
  • Posts: 29
Re: Divorce
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2017, 11:24:08 PM »
Hi!

It's not a lot of women in this forum, I've posted before with no or few responses (due to most members being men) but I'm praying for you as well. Since my diagnosis, my marriage has suffered tremendously as well and we're hanging on by a thread literally. Yep, the fear of the unknown freaks me out. I've heard the horror stories of dating after or with HIV and that's frightening, to say the least. Since my diagnosis, I've struggled with depression and anxiety and it's a constant battle for me to stay encouraged and uplifted. This site really helps in addition to exercise and meditation. But I think you have to weigh your options and make the best decision for you regarding your relationship, weighing everything, finances, singleness, etc. I'm sorry I can't offer more encouragement regarding your med's and financial situation. What state are you in? I know that there should be some local free prescription assistance available if you choose to divorce?
09/2016-diagnosed
10/2016- cd4 41 VL 35000
11/2016- cd4 29 VL?
12/2016-started treatment (Triumeq) this late because found out didn't qualify for research study
1/24/2017- cd4 233 cd%15 VL<40
4/27/2017 cd4 206 cd%18 VL <40
07/24/2017 cd4 227 cd%20.6 VL <40

Offline em

  • Member
  • Posts: 243
Re: Divorce
« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2017, 01:47:17 AM »
Divorce and the unknown.

Hanging by a thread? ( maybe some building up instead of breaking down ) Do you think someone new might be easier ? ( just my thought on it ) SO you have been together for 8 years and you are 38 or so ?  I would think with that kind of investment of time there must be something other then thread between you and your husband ??  I hope you find something to pull this together and a better life for you and your husband. Given how my marriages of over twenty five years now. Has not been easy either ( misery loves company)

 My wife had filed for divorce about my best guess would be  seven years ago. I do not keep track of many mile stones anymore. She was not happy.

we reconciled and have been living well enough it always could be better but never is the best it could be?

 I am positive and she is not we have been together since 1989 I believe. we lived together for a while first then married.  with all kinds of ups and downs for richer or poorer and sickness and in health.

well you have to live with your own choices so I hope you all the best and just a thought  it never gets to be the best it just gets different I think anyway take it with a grain of salt but having difficulties you are not alone in that

I had written a big long story about my life and experiences but do not want to bore you with my details I just want you to know others have the same difficulties and hard choices. MY wife and I Have two children and are in our fifties. I had a HIV diagnoses of a confirmed positive test in the eighties so that makes a few years of living with HIV  just saying. I had my HIV since the  last millennium plus some ?

sorry to write in circles without saying anything with much substance, of any real relevance or value .  just wanted to say to you keep it together and hope you all the best

Offline ray_in_texas

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: Divorce
« Reply #8 on: August 01, 2017, 02:40:12 PM »
Hi lovelife80. I hope you are doing well under the circumstances. I wish I could advise you on your relationship, but honestly I can't. I've been married twice, once to a woman for 4.5 years and once to a man for 1.5 years. I was also in a committed domestic partnership for 10 years. Relationships are hard work, and military families make it even more of a challenge.

If you do separate, definitely check with your AIDS Support Organization. A counselor or case worker can help you determine what local, state, and federal help you may qualify for and may even help you fill out the paperwork to get qualified. I know asking for help like that may not be easy for you, but the help is there and for a reason. For example, in my state, I qualify for medication assistance. I pay $5 each for the the three HIV meds I take. My other meds and medical costs are covered by a local assistance program, and all of this was set up with help by my local ASO.

I also agree with the other person that said to find out your legal options by speaking to the JAG and definitely ask your HIV doctor about any resources he/she may know of.

Divorces can be stressful, and stress is not good for HIV, so plan ahead and stick to your plans as best as you can. I hope the best for you and your family.
POZ since 2008
Isentress, Truvada, Maraviroc
Initial VL(2010)>382000
CCR5 Tropic
HLA B5701 genotype

 


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